Gardy catches the clue train?

The Twins made a series of controversial moves this off-season, all of which involved their starting rotation.
While Boof Bonser, Matt Garza, and possibly Scott Baker, Glen Perkins and Kevin Slowey all seemed like solid candidates to fill out the rotation, which lost Brad Radke to retirement and Francisco Liriano to injury, it was understandable that the Twins would want to bring in a veteran or two, so that the Twins weren't literally sending out 4 rookies to try to win a pennant.

Before that happened, though, the Twins picked up a $4 million option on RH Carlos Silva, whose three seasons in the Twins rotation had gone good, great and terrible.

Considering the Royals gave Gil Meche, a pitcher with lesser career credentials than Silva, a 5 year, $55 million deal, it sort of made sense.

Then came the additions of Sidney Ponson ($1 million) and Ramon Ortiz ($3 million).
Silva, Ponson and Ortiz were all coming off terrible, and I mean terrible, 2006 seasons, and now Ron Gardenhire was guaranteeing them all a spot in the rotation, leaving only one opening for the crew of youngsters (never mind the fact that if anyone deserved to be guaranteed a spot it was Bonser, who pitched like a No. 2 for the last two month).
And while Boof has locked up that lost spot, the talk all spring has been that he would be No. 5.
This would be colossally stupid, since the 5th starter gets skipped a few times, and Boof is clearly the Twins 2nd best starter.

It seemed the Twins were making the exact same mistake they did last year, when they handed jobs to shitty veterans (Juan Castro and Tony Batista), and nearly played themselves out of contention.

However, it's starting to look like the Twins (read: Gardy) learned their lesson last year after all.
Silva gave up 9 runs in 3.1 innings in his last start. He now has an 11.02 ERA this spring.
It's clear he's still the pitcher he was last year (if not worse), not the pitcher that finished 5th in the AL in ERA in 2005.
Finally, after that start, Gardy admitted that Silva cannot enter the season in the rotation if he's pitching this poorly.
The 5th spot is now down to Silva and Garza. With a 3 inning, 1 run relief effort Sunday, Garza has now pitched 12 innings this spring and allowed two runs.
While I know the Twins would love to get Garza some more minor league experience (he's pitched only a handful of games above A-ball), it appears he might've finally overtaken Silva for the last spot.
And in another shocking moment of intelligence from Gardy, he said that he expects Bonser to in fact, be the No. 2 starter.
("Looks to me like he's our second best starter," Gardy said. To which the entire Twins fan-base answered: "No shit!")

Not only is this good because Garza's flat out better than Silva, it's good because it shows the team that Gardy is perhaps finally going to inject some accountability into the process of winning jobs.
In the past, we've seen many veteran players, like Castro, Batista, Lew Ford, Rondell White, Shannon Stewart, Doug Mientkiewicz, Rick Reed and now Silva just to name a few, who Gardy has babied simply because they were veterans.
Maybe that will finally stop.

Ortiz and Ponson are still worth worrying over (Ortiz entered today's start with a 0.75 ERA, and was hammered for 6 runs on 9 hits in 4 innings, Ponson's spring ERA is 6.30), but at the very least, we can be reasonably sure that their will be a much quicker hook for these guys than there was for Castro and Batista last year.
With Perkins, Slowey and Baker (and perhaps Garza) in Triple-A, the Twins can't afford to let these guys stink it up.

The big question now is, what happens to Silva?
It sounds like the Twins are going to take 12 pitchers North, something they haven't done in several years (and that, scarily, is as much because of the team's lack of decent bench options as it is the pitching woes).
They would've loved to make either JD Durbin or lefty specialist Mike Venafro that 12th guy. But now perhaps Silva is the 12th guy, with Garza as the 5th starter. This wouldn't be bad, because it would give Silva some 'extended spring training' by being able to try and work through his problems on the side and in mop-up duty.

But if Durbin doesn't make the team he's gone, and Venafro would likely catch on somewhere else as well. Wouldn't seem worth losing them if Silva never pans out.
There's also the chance Silva gets sent to the minors, I don't believe he has the required service-time to refuse an assignment (a la Kyle Lohse last year).
The problem with that is Silva is somewhat of a head-case, and I don't see him taking that well at all (Silva insists he's fine and that his spring ERA is nothing to worry about, incidentally).

Personally, I have no idea how this is going to shake out. I'm just encouraged that Gardy finally seems willing to make decisions based on effectiveness, not seniority.

2007 AL Central Preview - Cleveland Indians

I have to admit, I kind of hate the Indians. Every year everyone talks about them like they’re the goddamm ‘27 Yankees, and every year they underachieve. For the record, Sports Illustrated has picked the Tribe to win the Central this year.
But you know, maybe they aren’t actually underachieving.
Maybe, if you’re like me, you looked at their team last year, picked by many, many morons to win the World Series, and said: “Gee, this team has no bullpen. And their shorstop is fat. And Aaron Boone sucks. Casey Blake should be a bench player. Their rotation is full of 4th starters after CC Sabathia.”

No, the Indians didn’t underachieve, it turns out. They played about like they should’ve under the above circumstances. That doesn’t mean they can be counted out this year. Boone is gone. The bullpen has been upgraded. The fat shortstop, Jhonny Peralta, might go back to his 2005 form. And a couple of those 4th starters look capable of being 2s or 3s.
Probable Starting Lineup:
CF Grady Sizemore
2B Josh Barfield
C Victor Martinez
DH Travis Hafner
SS Jhonny Peralta
RF Trot Nixon
1B Casey Blake/Ryan Garko
LF David Delluci/Jason Michaels
3B Andy Marte
Starting Rotation:
LH CC Sabathia
RH Jake Westbrook
LH Cliff Lee (DL)
RH Paul Byrd
LH Jeremy Sowers
RH Fausto Carmona
Closer: Joe Borowski
Sizemore is a stud at the top of the order and in CF. Truly one of the most dynamic players in the game. Victor Martinez is the only challenge to Joe Mauer as the AL's best hitting catcher, and Travis Hafner might be the most complete offensive player in the game. Those three alone make the Indians lineup a tough one. Josh Barfield is a quality player at second, and Trot Nixon is a good addition in RF. If Peralta gets his groove back, and young 3B Andy Marte proves ready, this will be a great lineup, regardless of how the platoons at 1B and LF work out.

The rotation has good potential. Cliff Lee opens the year on the DL, and will be replaced by Fausto Carmona (who isn’t very good). But Sabathia is still a legit No.1, and young lefty Jeremy Sowers might end up being their second best starter.
Paul Byrd and Jake Westbrook could be aces on a bad team, and are solid as middle-of-the-rotation guys.

The bullpen still isn’t very good. They signed Keith Foulke to a $5 million deal, and he promptly retired. Joe Borowski, who lost his job as Cubs closer to LaTroy Hawkins, is the closer. I never liked Bob Wickman, but he was much better. Former Twin Aaron Fultz, Rafael Betancourt, and 64-year old Roberto Hernandez, will also work out the Tribe pen.

The good: Strong lineup is still young, could rebound for a big offensive season. Rotation is solid top to bottom.
The bad: Not a great defensive team besides Sizemore, bullpen could be much improved and still be below-par.
Best-case scenario: The usual suspects keep mashing, while Nixon has a big year and Peralta returns to form. Marte develops into the game’s next great young 3B, the rotation stays healthy, and the bullpen holds up admirably. Tribe win the pennant.
Worse-case scenario: Aside from Sizemore, Hafner and Martinez they don’t get much offense. Defense costs them too many games, and the rotation is banged up. Bullpen is terrible again. Tribe lose 85 games.

Cleveland Indians
Manager: Eric Wedge
Offense: B+
Defense: C
Starting Pitching: B
Bullpen: D+
Bench: B
Prediction: 83-79, 4th in AL Central.

Yankees Suck

Remember the Rally Monkey?
That was gay.

AL Central Preview - KC Royals

This team has been soooo bad for soooo long.
When will it end?
Not this year. Or next.
One, they’re in a really tough division, and two, they spent the last half-dozen or so years doing nothing.

They weren’t winning, but they weren’t really rebuilding either. Their drafts continuously failed to produce quality players (hell, even quality prospects), and when they traded away veterans, they rarely got anything decent in return.

On that front at least, things are looking up a little bit for the Royals. They have two of the best offensive prospects in baseball in Alex Gordon and Billy Butler. Gordon appears set to open this season in KC, at 3B. That would move the Royals best current player, Mark Teahan, to RF. Butler is a future DH, and probably a year away. Luke Hudson looked like a promising starter last year, and No. 1 pick Luke Hochevar could be in the majors this year. He’s the best pitching prospect the Royals have had since they traded David Cone for Sean Hearn.
Zack Greinke looked like a top prospect until he took a year off for personal reasons. He came back and showed some promise, but that year off might have cost him a chance to become a frontline starter.

So while Royals fans can at least take comfort in knowing that there finally appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s still a very long tunnel. And the fact that new GM Dayton Moore thought it was a good idea to give Gil Meche a 5-year, $55 million contract this season, makes you wonder if they won’t again find a way to screw it up. Bottom line: 2007 could see them lose 100 games for the fifth time in six years.

Probable Starting Lineup
CF David DeJesus
2B Mark Grudzielanek/Esteban German
LF Mark Teahan
DH Mike Sweeney
RF Emil Brown/Reggie Sanders
3B Alex Gordon
1B Ryan Shealy
C Jason Larue/John Buck
SS Angel Berroa
Starting Rotation
RH Gil Meche
LH Odalis Perez
RH Zack Greinke
RH Luke Hudson
Elarton/Duckworth/Bannister
Closer: Octavio Dotel
Teahan developed into a solid player midway through last season, hitting .290 with 18 homers in 393 ABs. CF David DeJesus (pictured above) is a pretty good player, too. Mark Grudzielanek (who begins the year on the DL) is a great fielding 2B, and is still decent with the stick. Jason LaRue is a decent hitting catcher, and will push incumbent John Buck, who’s been a disappointment so far.
Some of their young arms show promise. Octavio Dotel isn’t much of a closer, but he’s better than Ambiorix Burgos (traded to the Mets). Mike Sweeney’s been talking all spring about staying healthy, but I, like many, are no longer listening. The guy’s washed up. I don’t see him making any impact, especially with Ryan Shealy at 1B and with Brown, Sanders, Teahan, Gordon, Butler or someone else available to take the ABs at DH.
The rotation is iffy. Meche is a similar pitcher to Kyle Lohse yet landed that $55 million, and Odalis Perez has struggled ever since making the All-Star team with the Dodgers. They’ll be followed by Greinke, Hudson and a fifth starter yet to be determined. Familiar names like Jimmy Gobble, Brian Bannister, Dewon Brazelton (he was picked after Joe Mauer and Mark Prior), Brandon Duckworth and others are somewhere in the mix for spots as a starter or reliever.
The good: Some developing young hitters, solid defense. Rotation should be a little better.
The bad: They’re simply below par in every area, even the ones they’ve improved.
Best-case scenario: Gordon is the AL Rookie of the Year, and Butler arrives midway through and shows promise. Teahan and DeJesus take another step forward, while Meche, Greinke, Hudson and Perez all post sub-5 ERAs. Royals flirt with .500 and finish with 76 wins.
Worst-case scenario: Gordon and Butler aren’t ready, and Meche badly fails to earn his contract. The rotation is a mess, and the bullpen is no better. Royals lose 105 games.
Kansas City Royals
Manager: Buddy Bell
Offense: C
Defense: B
Rotation: D
Bullpen: D
Bench: D
Prediction: 64-98, 5th in AL Central

One week later, 10-9

I was dying to update after the Twins caught fire this past week, but was unfortunately stuck without internet access in Rapid City, covering HS basketball.

While I was gone, the Twins went from 4-8 to 10-9, with most of their regulars getting hot at the plate, and most of their pitchers becoming un-hittable.

Some notes:
Boof Bonser is a lock for the rotation, having pitched 11 scoreless innings in his last three starts.
Apparently, Ron Gardenhire has him penciled in as the No. 5, which is stupid.
He should be the No. 2 behind Johan Santana.

Ramon Ortiz has a 0.75 ERA through three outings. I'm slowly starting to believe he could be a solid starter this year. Keeping my fingers crossed anyway.

Scott Baker has quietly settled down, having cut his ERA in half (though it's still 9.64 - that tells you how bad he was early on). I haven't given up on Baker, and hopefully the team hasn't either.

Kevin Slowey was cut Sunday after allowing three runs in one inning of work. That isn't why he was cut, as the three runs were largely due to cheap Texas-League hits. He'll go to Triple-A and pitch every five days, and I'll make the bold prediction that he makes his first Major League start later this season.

Carlos Silva continues to be up and down. He credited Santana for getting on his case at a recent bullpen session, in which CyTana urged Cheif to "stop thinking about mechanics and just throw."
This is the kind of stuff that makes for good copy in the paper, but it doesn't sit particularly well with me. If Silva's going to be effective this year, it's going to be from working with pitching coach Rick Anderson, not from the Little League wisdom of more talented teammates.

Friend of Twinstown Lee S. takes me to task for dissing Jason Tyner, but I'm going to stick to my guns.
Tyner, who is hitting .167 with just one walk this spring, has a career OPS of .624, which is unfathomably horrible (Braves pitcher Mike Hampton has a career OPS of .646). He's never homered in his career, which in itself isn't a big deal, but if you have a putrid .315 career SLG %, you'd better have better than a .309 OBP.
In fairness, the Twins would not have won the AL Central without him last year, and he showed an impressive knack for clutch hits, even against lefties. You just always had a good feeling when he came to the plate, certainly more so than with Lew Ford.
I think he could be a decent pinch-hitter, and while I'd love to see him hit .312 again this year, I wouldn't count on it.

I've noticed that one of the quickest ways to make Twins fans testy is to rip on fringe players who play hard (though I'm pretty sure they all play hard).
I got tons of emails last year from fans saying something to the effect of, "I can't believe how you keep ripping on Lew Ford, he plays hard and plays the game the right way and blah, blah, my kid loves him, blah, blah, he signed an autograph for my wife, blah, blah."

I don't have anything personal against any of the Twins (except maybe Joe Mauer for being totally boring). I don't like Lew Ford, and I wish the Twins would've released him this off-season, for one reason and one reason alone: He sucks at playing baseball. I'm sure he's a great guy.

These numbers should be enough to make any Twins fan smile.
Justin Morneau - .343
Jason Kubel - .353
Jason Bartlett - .303
Torii Hunter - .333
Rondell White - .300
Josh Rabe - .304
Chris Heintz - .357
Luis Castillo - .481
Michael Cuddyer - .350

Not bad. Especially if you compare some of them to where they were a week ago (below).

Within the next week I'll be putting up my predictions for '07, including a breakdown of each team in the AL Central.

Just as a reminder, last year I predicted the Twins would win the Central, Detroit would be the surprise team of the AL, Cleveland would be the most disappointing team in the AL, and that Justin Morneau would hit 34 homers.
Yes, I'm very smart.

4-8-1, updating the roster races

The Twins are off to a most unimpressive 4-8-1 start in Grapefruit League play.
More disconcerting than their actual record is the fact that injuries and in some cases poor planning is leaving them thin in a few areas, and many players are just plain stinking it up so far.

The Twins are hitting .233 as a team, with a .291 OBP and .339 SLG.
In other words, they have been the equivalent of nine Juan Castro's.

Some of the major culprits:
OF/1B Garrett Jones leads the Twins with 27 at-bats, and has just two hits, for a .074 average. Jones has been around forever as a power-hitting Triple-A first basemen, and made the move this spring to RF, since the path to the majors is obviously blocked at 1B. The Twins are giving him a long look, and he's falling on his face.

*Jason Tyner, .160
*Nick Punto, .130
*Justin Morneau, .167
*Jason Bartlett, .238
*Josh Rabe, .143
*Matt LeCroy, .211

So who is hitting?
Michael Cuddyer, .348
Torii Hunter, .333
Jason Kubel, .409
Mike Redmond, .333
Jeff Cirillo, .375 (3 for 8)
Luis Castillo, .333 (3 for 9)
Joe Mauer, .286
Chris Heintz, .400

Luis Rodriguez, who the Twins seem determined to get rid of at any cost despite having no alternatives for utility infielders, leads the team with 2 homers and 7 RBI.

A few other random notes:
*Lew Ford is out for 4-6 weeks after knee surgery, opening a spot on the roster.
I've begged and pleaded for the Twins to get rid of Ford, but they insisted on bringing him back, even at the ridiculous price of $985,000. Now they're paying him almost a million to sit on the DL.

*Sidney Ponson pitched poorly in his first spring start, but Ron Gardenhire went out of his way to make excuses for him. He's making it pretty clear that he has his heart set on Ponson as his 5th starter, regardless of the actual performance of the candidates. Sounds a lot like last year, when Barlett hit. 377 in spring training and Castro hit .183, and the shorstop job went to Castro.

*Glen Perkins pitched well in his first start, and has added a sinker to his repertoire. Good thing, since he, by his own admission, 'led organized baseball in fly-ball outs' last year.

*Matty LeCroy is probably finished as a big leaguer. He's too banged up and out of shape, and doesn't have the bat speed. My guess is he spends this year in Triple-A, maybe gets a call-up or two, and then retires. He wants to become a coach, and the Twins are already interested in using him as such.
I'll throw in the token reminder that the Twins kept this guy over David Ortiz. 54 homers in 2006, David Ortiz.

*The Twins lineup will be as strong as it's ever been, especially if Kubel keeps hitting and Rondell White plays like he did in the second half last year (both are pretty solid bets).
Unfortunately they're likely to have a poor bench. Tyner is now the primary backup OF, with Kubel serving as a 5th OF when he isn't DH'ing.
With no power, a below-average arm and little plate discipline, Tyner isn't as good as he appeared last year. I like him, and he belongs on the team, but the more time he spends on the bench the better.
And there's still no backup shorstop. L-Rod might make the team now with Ford out, but he still wouldn't be the backup at short, and Gardy refuses to simply slide Punto over on occasion and play Cirillo at 3rd (which could of course be economical and smart, but Gardy doesn't think that way).
Rule V pickup Alejandro Machado is still hurt, likely ruling him out of the competition. Alexi Casilla is under consideration, but he needs to play every day in Rochester.

*The answer may come in a trade, as the Twins could move one of their young arms (Scott Baker, JD Durbin perhaps) for an IF (hopefully not Juan Castro).
The Twins might keep 12 pitchers, too, and that would likely mean a spot for Durbin, who's out of options.
I've also heard that the Twins could consider releasing Matt Guerrier, who's been very reliable in long relief the last two years, to make room for Durbin, whom they understandably don't want to lose for nothing.

*Boof Bonser and Ramon Ortiz both pitched well in their last start. Carlos Silva continues to be up and down. Despite what they're saying publicly, it's pretty clear that those three have the 2-4 spots in the rotation locked up. Matt Garza returns from a sore neck to start Tuesday, and he is probably the one guy who has a decent shot to take the 5-spot from Ponson.

*Luis Castillo is battling sore legs (surprise!). Not only is this certainly his last season with the Twins, but I'm also placing the over-under on games for Luis this year at 100. It's a good thing Cirillo is aboard. He's the only decent spare part the team has.

*Randy Choate, a lefty with ML experience the Twins brought in as a possible second lefty out of the pen, was roughed up again Sunday. He's given up 7 runs and 8 hits in 4.2 innings. No way he makes the team.
However, Mike Venafro, another journeyman lefty, has been great, allowing no runs on two hits in 5 innings. He's still got a shot, especially if they take 12 pitchers.

*Thought there would be more haters out last week. Though the two lists submitted were both pretty good.

I Hate That Guy

Every winter I get so goddam sick of snow and cold that I convince myself spring training is the greatest thing ever, but in the last week I've realized that unless you're there (and I've gone 4 times), it's not really that great.
The games are boring because mostly scrubs play, it doesn't matter who wins, and Sportscenter still talks about nothing but college basketball.
Man I hate college basketball.
It used to be good when there were seniors. Like Jamal Mashburn and Christian Laettner.
Now it's lame. March Madness can lick my bung.
(I saw Christian Laettner at a gas station in Minneapolis a couple years ago. He had a beard.)

So yeah, I could talk about Matt Garza's sore neck (not a big deal), Carlos Silva's 3 scoreless innings Monday (encouraging), or the offense still sucking (slightly annoying), but I'm not going to bother. When they start making cuts, then it might be worth watching.

In the meantime, I thought it might be amusing (it will at least be amusing to me), to add another series to the oft-delayed (but still active, I promise) 'ugliest athletes' series.

This one will be, athletes I really, really hate.
I know what you're thinking.
Oh, I don't know, hate's a pretty strong word.
Well if that's really what youre thinking, I hate you.

There's such a huge pool of candidates. So many guys over the years who just pissed you off so much it made your teeth hurt.

Deion Sanders. Michael Irvin. Leon Lett. Jerry Jones.

See how much fun that was, and that was just one team!
Please feel free to offer your own contributions to the list. I know that the world of professional sports is literally teeming with dudes you've got a major hate-on for. Let's hear 'em. (I'm also taking suggestions for more uglies. I'm leaning towards Zane Smith for the next one.)

So let's go with the hate. I'll start.

Athlete I Hate No. 1
Manny Ramirez
Boston Red Sox OF
Man I hate this guy.
The laziest, most selfish, defensively challenged shameful excuse for a baseball player in the Majors. He's like Terrell Owens, only he doesn't play as hard.
I even hate David Ortiz now just by association. And because Ortiz is the dumbass that coined the dumbass phrase 'Manny being Manny', which is a euphemism for 'Manny being a spoiled, selfish prick who doesn't care about winning and only cares about his horrible haircut and swinging for the fences. (Ironically, the photo I chose to run with this entry came from a blog titled 'I love Manny Ramirez'. So I picked it out of spite)
The dude's a great hitter, but he's the worst OF in baseball, a terrible baserunner, and he's just plain dumb. I hate dumb people.
Show up for camp on time for once asshole.
And you know why the Sox haven't traded you? Because no one wants your overpaid ass stinking up their clubhouse.
Manny Ramirez, I hate you.

Nice knowin' ya, Scott

I set my alarm for 11:55 Sunday, so I could get up just in time to watch the Twins spring game agaisnt the Red Sox.
Instead, a women's college basketball game was on.
The Twins came on in the 6th inning, by which time they were already down 6-1, thanks to another miserable outing from Scott Baker.
He allowed five runs in two innings, raising his spring ERA to 24.30. In 3 1/3 innings he's allowed 13 hits and nine runs.
Terrible.

It's early, but with the stiff competition for spots in the ro', he's already pretty much taken himself out of the running.
The bigger question is whether or not he's pitched his last game as a Twin.
Besides the rotation, the Twins (more specifically, Ron Gardenhire's) biggest concern going into the season is finding a backup shortstop. Jason Bartlett played 99 consecutive games after his call-up last year, and the Twins don't want to make him play that much this year.

Luis Rodriguez looks unlikely to make the team because he's not an adequate shortstop, and Alejandro Machado, a Rule V pick from Washington who was brought in to perhaps fill the utility role, is hurt. Considering he hit only .260 in Triple-A last year, I don't think Machado is the answer anyway.
Alexi Casilla is a possibility, but the Twins want him to play every day in the Minors, which, since he skipped Triple-A on his way to a September call-up last year, is the smart thing to do.

Gardy hinted at a trade, and it wouldn't be surprising to see the team try to move Baker and or JD Durbin, who they would likely lose anyway (he's out of options and probably won't make the team).
Of course, if Nick Punto fails to play as well as he did last year, and Jeff Cirillo plays well, we could see Cirillo take over most of the ABs at 3rd, with Punto taking on a larger utility role, where he could get plenty of ABs at 2b, 3b and shortstop. That would leave a spot open for Rodriguez or perhaps Matt LeCroy, who Gardy would no doubt love to keep because of his misguided craving for a 3rd catcher.

*Torii Hunter was beaned in the side of the head by a Kyle Lohse fastball on Friday.
After an initial concussion scare, it turns out he's fine.
Lohse removed himself from the game after the pitch, and Hunter blamed it on Hammond Stadium's poor lighting (he's not the first to bring that up).
While Hammond Stadium was lauded when it was first built in 1991, it has already fallen into the lower tier of Major League spring training stadiums. Hunter swore afterwards he would refuse to play in any night games there until the lighting is improved.

*Saturday the Twins lost 14-1. Boof got roughed up, but the rest of the runs came against no-names that won't make the team anyway.

The Twins are now winless in five spring training games.
They've been outscored 35-9.
Not worth losing sleep over, but disconcerting to be sure.

Garza - good, Silva, Baker - bad

In the first baseball game the Twins have played since their vomitous loss in Oakland in Game 3 of last year's ALDS, Matt Garza pitched two perfect innings and struck out David Ortiz. (How depressing is it that we make such a big deal about a pitcher striking out a guy that used to be in our lineup? Sad. I digress.)
He was followed by Scott Baker, who (surprise!) couldn't keep the ball down and was hammered.

His reaction afterwards?
"I'm not disappointed in my performance." (1 inning, 4 runs, for the record. Might want to make sure you've got a nice place to stay in Rochester, Scott.)

That was followed today by Carlos Silva. Both Silva and the Twins staff seem awfully confident that the Chief will get back on track this year, but you couldn't ask for a worse omen than Johnny Damon taking him deep to lead off the game.

Ouch, Chief.

Silva pitched two innings and gave up 5 runs.

Granted, I'm getting way ahead of myself considering we're talking about a handful of pitches here, but what happens if Silva and Ortiz are both terrible this spring?
We know Ponson will simply be let go if he doesn't win a job, but Ortiz is guaranteed $3.1 million, Silva $4 million.
What if Bonser, Garza, Ponson and Baker all pitch lights-out the rest of the spring?
You can't just ignore that and give Silva and Oritz a job can you?

I hope this team hasn't dug itself a Tony Batista-sized hole.

The Arms Race

The Twins have long been reluctant to give young pitchers a spot in their rotation - that is old news.
Many have assumed that since Boof Bonser and Matt Garza spent the whole second half in the rotation last year, they would have a spot locked up going into this one, but that isn't the case.

Garza is almost certain to start the year in Triple-A, and considering how little minor league experience he actually has (less than two full seasons), maybe he'll be better off.
Boof is widely assumed to have a spot locked up, and probably should considering he was the No. 2 starter during last year's pennant race, but if he has a terrible spring I could see him losing his spot and beginning the season in Triple-A.

So while the Twins hand three spots in their rotation to veterans whose careers are at a serious crossroads (Carlos Silva, Ramon Ortiz, Sidney Ponson), a cast of young pitching prospects that no other team can come close to matching battles for one position.
Here's a closer look at the candidates.

Garza
Age: 23
2005 1st round pick
Last year's Sporting News Minor League Pitcher of the Year, Garza was in the major leagues less than a calendar year from his last start at Fresno State.
He began in A-ball and went 5-1 with a 1.42 ERA, moved to AA where he was 6-2, 2.51, then made a very brief appearance in Triple-A Rochester, where he was 3-1, 1.85. By then the Twins rotation was beset by injuries and ineffectiveness, and the team could avoid the call-up no longer.
He was hammered in his debut, and in a few other outings, but overall competed well for a guy one year removed from amateur competition.
In 9 starts he was 3-6 with a 5.76 ERA.
Garza has a mid-90's fastball with great movement, and a curve that can be a good pitch for him when he masters it. He hasn't done that yet.

Scott Baker
Age: 25
2003 2nd round pick
Baker emerged as a top prospect in 2005, going 5-8 with a 3.01 ERA at Rochester, and gave the Twins some serious encouragement when he posted a 3.35 ERA in 10 starts in the Majors.
But last year he got hammered by everyone except the Yankees (who he inexplicably owns), going 5-8 with an ugly 6.37 ERA.
He was 5-4, 2.67 in Rochester, and through 71 career minor league starts has a 2.97 ERA.
That's more than enough reason not to give up on him.
Baker has a fastball in the 91-93 range, a good change, an average slider and a knuckle-curve.
His main problem is keeping the ball down. His stiff, straight delivery allows him to hide the ball well (Derek Jeter said it was 'impossible' to pick up the ball out of his hand), but that delivery is also frequently the reason for him leaving the ball up.

Boof
Age: 25
2001 1st round pick of San Francisco
Boof pitched very well in the first two starts of his career, then began struggling with control and started getting knocked around, leading to a demotion back to Rochester.
When he returned, he was a different pitcher, aggressively attacking the strike zone, and posting a 2.63 ERA in the month of September. He pitched six strong innings in Game 2 of the ALDS, getting a no-decision.
Boof is a big, big dude - 6-4 and about 250 pounds. He could get in better shape.
His stuff isn't all that impressive - 90-94 with occasional cutting action, a slow curve and a fade change - and as hitters make adjustments this year he will have some bumps in the road.
But he proved he's a competitor. Reminds me of Kevin Milwood, and could have a similar career.

JD Durbin
Age: 25
2000 2nd round pick
Durbin made headlines and annoyed veterans when he arrived at spring training in 2004 and insisted that everyone call him the 'Real Deal'.
He was promptly bombed throughout spring training and opened the year in Double-A. But he went 4-1, 2.52 and earned a promotion to Rochester, going 3-2, 4.54. He was called up to the Twins in September, and went 0-1, 7.36 in four games (one start).
It went downhill from there, as he went 5-5, 4.33 and battled injuries and control issues in '05.
Last year he had a near-meltdown in a televised spring training game against Cincinnatti when he couldn't throw strikes (he was cut the next day after allowing 10 hits, 9 runs and four walks in five innings over four games).
But he rebounded, going 4-3, 2.33 in 16 starts for Rochester. He would've gotten a call-up, but an injury cut short his season.
Durbin throws a mid-90s heater with average breaking stuff.
He's out of options, so the Twins have to keep him on their roster or try to get him through waivers. He would never pass through waivers, so don't be surprised if he (or Baker) ends up part of a trade before the season starts.

Glen Perkins
Age: 24
2004 1st round pick
After going 9-3, 2.83 as a senior for the Minnesota Gophers, the Twins took Perk with one of their 5 1st round picks in '04.
Last year be began the year in Double-A, and though he had some tough luck, giong 4-11, he posted a 3.91 ERA and K'd 131 in 117 innings.
He made one start at Triple-A before the Twins called him up, and that was where he really shot up the depth chart.
In four relief appearances he worked 5 2/3 innings, allowing a run on 3 hits with 6ks and no walks. That got him a spot on the postseason roster.
However, the Twins are not considering him for a relief role this year. He will be a starter, and likely begin the year in Rochester.
He has a very smooth delivery that helps him reach 93 despite a rather unathletic 5-foot-11 frame. Also features a strong curve and change.

Kevin Slowey (pictured)
Age: will turn 23 May 4
2005 2nd round pick
The Twins made Slowey their No. 2 pick after he went 14-2, 2.18 as a senior at Winthrop University.
He went 3-2, 2.24 in nine starts in low-A ball, and began '06 at high-A Fort Myers.
In 14 starts for the Miracle he posted a 1.01 ERA, with 99 K's and only 9 walks in 89 innings.
He was promoted to Double-A New Britain and went 4-3, 3.19 in 9 starts.
He'll begin this year in Triple-A, but will probably make his ML debut some time this season.
Slowey is drawing strong comparisons to Brad Radke, as he's a control specialist with modest stuff.
In 32 career minor league starts, Slowey has a 1.96 ERA, with 235 Ks and just 30 walks in 220 innings.
Those are amazing numbers.
All six of these guys would likely be the pride of the entire minor league system in other organizations. The depth the Twins have in the minors is almost embarrassing.
And these aren't the only ones.
Here are some other names to look for in the next couple-few years:
Alexander Smit, Oswaldo Sosa, Anthony Swarzak, Kyle Waldrop, Jay Rainville, Errol Simonitsch, Yohan Pino.
(For what it's worth, Pino, pitching for the Twins Dominican Baseball Academy in 2004, put up the following stats: 10-1, 0.53 ERA, 86 innings, 49 hits, 5 runs, 5 walks, 81 Ks.)

Rochester Red Wings - Your 2007 Triple-A Champions

Ron Gardenhire said today that he expects Sidney Ponson to be the Twins' 5th starter.
That's not surprising, I expected that myself, but I wonder what Matt Garza and Scott Baker think about being told that the plan for now is for them to begin the season in Triple-A.

And that might not be a bad thing. As much as I don't like the idea of either Ponson or Ramon Ortiz taking spots away from much more talented young pitchers, I've learned to trust the Twins when it comes to their handling of young pitchers (hitters, that's another story).

Essentially telling Garza and Baker, as well as Kevin Slowey, JD Durbin, Glen Perkins and whoever else that they plan to start them in Rochester might be just the kind of motivational that leads to them having a good spring.
It just means the Red Wings are going to have the best rotation in minor league history.

*Speaking of Rochester, there's also a decent chance that Ken Harvey (2004 AL All-Star) and Matthew LeCroy (guy who was chosen over David Ortiz) will be in the lineup, as well as Glenn Williams (.425 average for Twins in brief '05 call-up), Josh Raabe and Alexi Casilla.
With any luck, Lew Ford will be there, too.

With Torii Hunter, Michael Cuddyer, Rondell White, Jason Kubel and Jason Tyner already on board, I don't see how the Twins can justify keeping Sweet Lew.
If they keep him and send Tyner back to Triple-A it would be an unfair mistake.
No, Tyner isn't as good as he appeared to be at times last year, but he's far more savvy, reliable and productive than Lew.

Here's my guess as to how the conversation is going in the above photo of Lew and Kubes.
Kubel: 'Dude, you know you're terrible, right?'
Lew: 'At least I don't have man-tits.'
Kubel: 'I hate you and so does Zim.'
Lew: 'I'm going to kill myself now.'

*Carlos Silva plans to ditch his curveball and start consistently working in a splitter, a pitch he brought out for the first time in the regular season finale against Chicago (a game in which he pitched well).
Makes sense, as Silva might as well fall in line as a sinker-slider-splitter guy.
The key to him having anything close to the kind of success he did in '05 (3.44 ERA) is rediscovering that sinker.
Silva said last year, in which he was arguably the AL's worst starter (11-15, 5.94) will be a positive learning experience for him.

*Just a reminder. Not only was Silva perhaps the worst regular starter in the AL, Ortiz was possibly the worst regular starter in the NL.
And they're gonna be our 2-3 starters, baby!

*A peace-out to Dan Christopherson (second photo), local radio personality and Sioux Falls Canaries director of fun, who died of a heart attack early Wednesday morning. He was 52.
I didn't know him real well, but in spending a lot of time around the Canaries organization in various situations, I can safely say he was one of the nicest people I ever met.
The Birdcage won't be the same without him.

Spring is here....in Florida

While you attempt to enjoy the 44 degree heat here in Twins Territory, keep in mind it's 73 and sunny in Ft. Myers, and snow is expected again this weekend in our neck of the northwoods.

Just to rub it in some more, I've included a couple photos I dug up from the Twins first few days of playing catch.
That's Sidney Ponson on the right. A candidate for the 5th spot in the rotation, Ponson checked in at about 250 pounds upon arrival, which is actually good news. He has pitched in the 270-range for much of the last couple years.
I still don't understand how Ponson, or Ramon Ortiz, or better options than Matt Garza or Kevin Slowey or JD Durbin or Scott Baker.
But unless Ponson and Ortiz are both terrible, those guys are all headed for Triple-A.

The other guy, I think you know. He had two blown saves last year, both of which he turned into wins, meaning he had essentially a perfect season. He's good.

Some of you know that FSNN has been showing 'classic' Twins games over the winter. Last night they showed the Twins 2-1 win over Detroit Sep.9, in which the Twins scored two unearned runs on an embarrassing error by Omar Infante in the second inning and saw Boof go 7 strong, in what was probably the best outing of his rookie year.
On March 4, the Twins will take on Boston in the 'Battle for Ft. Myers', and the game will be on TV on FSNN.
That's right, a real live baseball game. First pitch is at noon.

Spring Training '07

Several teams already have their batteries in camp. The Twins, interestingly, are one of the last teams to report. Their pitchers and catchers report on Sunday the 18th. Their first full workout isn't until Feb. 24. I don't think it really matters, though.

Spring training and the dearth of other sports stuff happening at this time of year is always tough.
Like yesterday I paid $8 for some baseball preview magazine off the rack at Lewis.
Of course this magazine didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know, I just desperately wanted something to read that was about baseball.

Not surprisingly, this particular rag picked the Twins to finish 3rd in the AL Central behind Detroit and Chicago.
And when you look hard, the Twins probably are behind the 8-ball in their division thanks mostly to the losses of Francisco Liriano and Brad Radke.

But we'll worry about that stuff later. The Twins, like every team, have plenty of in-house issues to take care of during the spring before worrying about the AL Central race.

As far as I can tell, these are the most pressing questions facing the Twins as they prepare for spring:
1. The rotation.
This one's obvious, although it would seem four of the five spots have already been handed out.
After Johan Santana, Boof Bonser, Carlos Silva and Ramon Ortiz would all seem to be guaranteed a spot.
Which leaves one spot for Sidney Ponson, Matt Garza, Scott Baker, JD Durbin, Kevin Slowey and Glen Perkins.
What I don't particularly like about this is the possibility that Garza, Baker, Durbin, Slowey and Perkins could all be better than Silva and Ortiz, and it won't matter, at least not right away.
My gut feeling is that Ponson gets the last spot because of the Twins wrong-headed preference for veterans.
While Durbin will probably make the team as a reliever because he's out of options, the rest of those guys will help ensure that Rochester has the best rotation in all of Triple-A.
2. Rondell White and Jason Kubel
Both are pretty good hitters when they're healthy, and the Twins will need them to compete this year.
White was the worst hitter in baseball in the first half, and it seemed like excuse-making when he blamed his tight shoulder. But in the second half, presumably healthy, he hit like the Rondell White we've always known, which is damn good by the way.

Kubel had a brief period in June where he was as hot as Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau, and it looked like he had arrived. But the knees started bothering him again, which caused him to fall badly out of shape. By the end of the season he was a chubby afterthought.
Luckily, Ron Gardenhire took the initiative to challenge Kubel's work habits, which will hopefully motivate him to get back into shape.
Kubel should get pretty much all the ABs at DH vs. RHP, while some combination of Jeff Cirillo, Ken Harvey or Matt LeCroy will handle DH duties vs. LHP.

White will be the LF, which could obviously be problematic. First, the whole idea of making him a DH was to keep him healthy, because he never stayed healthy in the OF before.
So why should this year be any different?
He's also not a terribly gifted LF, but in his defense, he's much better than Shannon Stewart was. Runners will take the extra-base on him, but he'll at least be able to turn outs into outs.

3. Will the real Nick Punto please stand up?
Which is it gonna be? The injury-prone utility IF who swings for the fences and creates almost zero offense?
Or the scrappy, top-of-the-order sparkplug who takes good ABs and makes pitchers pay for mistakes?
My guess is it'll be somewhere in between (.270 perhaps), which is why having Cirillo around is a major bonus.

4. Silva
The Twins brought him back because anyone better would've cost them $8 million.
I don't think it's possible for the Chief to be as bad as he was last year, but the likelihood of him ever getting back to the 3.44 ERA he posted in '05 probably isn't good, either.
200 innings and a 4.50 ERA would be fine with me.
But there's too much young talent waiting in the wings to put up with him if he's in the 6's again.

5. Juan Rincon, Jesse Crain, Pat Neshek
You'd be hardpressed to find too many clubs with three potentially dominant righties in front of a dominant closer.
The only problem is Rincon, Crain and (too a much lesser extent) Neshek - were fairly inconsistent last year.
Rincon was not 100% healthy, and trying to pitch through it (the Twins had no choice) resulted in a noticeable lack of command. He still posted a 2.91 ERA, but his strikeout rate declined significantly.
But I'm not too worried about him. He'll be healthy, and likely dominant once again.

Crain on the other hand, it's tough to say. Last year he was awful then great then bad then good then bad. His strikeout rate finally came around (a good sign after the previous year) but he got hammered pretty good, too, leaving pitches up in the zone and lacking the confidence to throw anything but his fastball.
I kind of expected the Twins to trade him, as a lot of teams would love to have him, but if they can get him to better develop some secondary pitches, I still think he can be great.

Neshek was untouchable for awhile after his call-up, but it was only a matter of time before hitters adjusted to his funky delivery. Lefties hit him pretty well, and he also faded a bit down the stretch.
But his history of missing bats bodes well for another strong year.

6. Torii Hunter
The fact that he won another Gold Glove last year was a joke. He was an average defensive centerfielder. Both Lew Ford and Jason Tyner were better in the field than he was.
Of course he had his best offensive season, so it's hard to complain.
Hopefully his ankle will be better this year, but even if it is, he's 31. Kirby Puckett was moving to RF at this point in his career.

7. Who gets the last roster spots?
They can only keep 25. Guys like LeCroy, Tyner, Harvey, Durbin, Josh Raabe, Luis Rodriguez, and Alejandro Machado will be fighting for at most two spots.

8. Will Rick Anderson get a raise?
They're leaning on Andy more than ever this year. With a bunch of kids and journeyman in the rotation, he's got to work his magic.

9. If some of the veterans suck again, how long will it take them to own up and go with the kids?
Last year they didn't start winning until they finally listened to me and got rid of Juan Castro (and also Tony Batista).
If it's happening again, hopefully this year they won't wait as long to go with the talented youngsters.

10. Will Jason Bartlett become the game's next great shortstop?
He's got a shot. The guy proved a lot of people wrong, even his own manager, to become the kind of guy that makes a difference at the bottom of the order.


Spring TV
Five spring training games will be televised on FSN.
Mar 4 vs. Bos, noon
Mar 7 vs. Pit, noon
Mar 14 vs. NYY, 6 p.m
Mar 18 vs. Phi, noon
Mar 20 vs. Bos, 6 p.m.

Classic Post Redux - Feb. 14, 2006 - Wither Sammy Sosa?

Note: In light of Sammy Sosa's comeback attempt (he signed a minor league contract with Texas, and new manager Ron Washington says he plans on playing Sosa every day), I've decided to reprint my post from a year ago, when I weighed in on Sosa's imminent departure from the game.

Sammy Sosa is threatening to retire.
This is kind of like Hitler threatening to kill himself, or Blink 182 threatening to stop making albums.
And yes, that is Sammy Sosa in the picture at left.
Before he started, ya know....lifting weights.
I won't sit here and say I hate Sammy Sosa, because he never really did anything all that bad (other than that whole "weight-lifting" thing).
But he always bugged the hell out of me, and it pisses me off that he has more career homers than guys like Mickey Mantle, Frank Robinson and Harmon Killebrew.
The thing that always bugged me about Sosa is how stupid he clearly is. Nobody likes stupid people and Sosa is certainly that.
His ridiculous homerun 'hop', (which he also did every time he flied out to left field because he's a fuck-tard) was the most ridiculous thing I ever saw a pro athlete do, except for maybe that other ridiculous thing he'd do - you know, where he dumps a cup of water on his head (rather than in his mouth) and kisses his fingers and points and whatever else was part of that Gay Latin Handjive.
Only a total moron would do this kind of shit.
The guy played the game like a 6-year old, and I don't mean that as a compliment. Accordingly, his supposed "immense popularity" was strictly relegated to little-leaguers, great-grandmothers and retarded people. No one over the age of 12 actually enjoyed Sosa's tired and phony antics.
Sosa was also never popular with any teammate he ever had. In his mind he was the show, and everyone else in blue pinstripes was an extra.
When he was in his prime he was famous (infamous?) for controlling the boombox in the Cubs locker room and do you know what he listened to?
Whitney Houston and Celine Dion. I'm not making this shit up just to spite the fucker, it's true.
Whitney fucking Houston and Celine Goddamn Dion! In a Major League clubhouse.
If I have not yet convinced you that Sammy Sosa sucks, never read this blog again because I hate you.
Sosa has made over $125 million dollars in his career just from playing baseball. Who knows how much additional cash he has made from Pepsi commercials.
(Side note: This is why I hate Pepsi - they use assfaces like Sammy Sosa in their commercials and think it's cute and hip. It's actually gay. Pepsi and Sammy Sosa may be the most perfect match I've ever heard of.)
But with all that money, Sosa is apparently going to turn down a $500,000 contract from the Washington Nationals, because he's insulted by it. A million and he'll talk, according to reports.
He has 588 career homeruns - 12 more and he joins the Babe, Bonds, Hank and Willie in the 600 club.
Here's hoping he hangs it up.
Cuz he don't belong on any list with those guys.

It's a fucking horse

I don't want to sound insensitive to the deceased or to animals.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big animal lover. Most of the time I prefer the company of animals to people.

Having said that, I can't get over how stupid some people in this country are when it comes to animals.
People - you know, the other beings that make up the race we are a part of - die by the millions every day. In sickness, war, injury, accident, murder, tragedy and so many other ways. And nobody cares. I'm not saying they should.

But a fucking horse (Barbaro) that ran a few laps and made millions for its uppity owners has to be put to sleep, and everyone starts crying like it's a national tragedy.

It's a fucking horse, people.

It's mind-bogglingly stupid how much time and money people have wasted sending get-well cards, gifts and money to this horse and its handlers.
Look people, if you've got some money burning a hole in your pocket and you're looking for a good cause, try, oh, I don't know....
*starving children
*abused and neglected children
*the homeless
*battered women
*the disabled
*veterans
*single mothers
*education
*mosquito nets in Africa
*the environment
*any social program within your community

Any of these would be more deserving of your time and money than a millionaire horse.
These are the same kind of idiots who watch a movie in which hundreds of people get killed and they don't blink an eye, but a cat gets thrown on the grill in good fun and they call their state senator to bitch about animal rights.

RIP Barbaro, I'm sure you and your extended family will be just fine.

Shit or Get Off the Pot

Who else can't wait for the Super Bowl to get over so we can hear two months of speculation about whether or not shit-teeth over here is going to retire or come back for another agonizingly mediocre season?
Is this any less annoying than the T.O. bullshit? I think not.

Let me be clear on one thing. I like Brett Favre. Even as a Vikings fan, I do. He's a likable guy in a league full of unlikable people.
He plays hard, he plays hurt, he's loyal to his team, he's a great leader, he's overcome adversity, he drinks beer, yada yada yada.

But, dude, just retire.
Or don't, I don't really care. I just want you to make up your goddam mind.

Yeah, the Packers were a little better last year, but they had a real easy schedule - two of the Packs wins came against the Vikes. I still don't think they're worth a shit. So...maybe retire.

But, as long as you came back for last season, in which there was never any hope for the playoffs from day one, you might as well stick it out for a little while longer. Or else, what was the point?

I've never liked the idea that guys are supposed to go out on top, or retire before their skills diminish, or whatever.
The assholes that say and write that shit have never played sports in their life. You don't play sports so you can have nice articles written about you in the paper, or so you can have a 'legacy' or even to make money or win championships.

You play because you love the sport. It's fun.

It was fun when you were 7 years old in the backyard, it's fun when you're 38 at Lambeau Field.

Or maybe it's not.
If it's not - quit. If it is - keep playing. Play till you're 50. Play as long as they'll let you.

Just make a decision, okay?

I Rule

Something occurred to me the other day.

I rule. And you suck.

I rule because I drive a Ford Ranger, and you drive a shitty Honda Civic. There’s a big crack in the windshield and I’m not ever gonna fix it. Because I rule.

I rule because I drink Budweiser, and you drink Miller Lite, or Coors Light, or some other wimpy light beer. You suck.

I rule because I have better taste in music than you. You listen to Pearl Jam and Good Charlotte. I don’t.

I rule because I have two dogs that rule. You have cats. Cats suck.

I rule because I have a cooler girlfriend than you. My girlfriend drinks beer and watches baseball. Your girlfriend watches Prison Break and thinks Manny Fernandez is the President of Mexico. Your girlfriend sucks.

I rule because I have a kick-ass beard. You suck because you have highlights in your hair and wear jewelry.

I rule because I know that Sublime is terrible. You still listen to that horrible CD all the time because you suck.

I rule because I went to a college where people actually know how to party. You went to USD and think Cary’s is a decent bar. You suck.

I rule because I never watch TV because it’s stupid. You suck because you think Grey’s Anatomy is a good show and you know things about TomKat and Brangelina.

I rule because I know politics are a waste of time. You suck because you think watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report makes you some kind of expert. You don’t know shit because you suck.

I rule because I thought The Big Lebowski was awesome the first time I saw it. You suck because you didn’t get it right away, but then you started telling everybody how it’s the greatest movie ever after you heard a bunch of other people who are smarter than you talking about how awesome it was.

I rule because when I want a shot, it’s straight Jag or Jack. You suck because you drink Scooby Snacks and Red Headed Sluts.

I rule because I never go to Bucks. You suck because you do.

I rule because I once bought Koren Robinson a beer. You suck because you once tried to buy Brad Childress a beer but he turned you down because he didn’t want to give the other guy at the bar a ‘competitive advantage’.

I rule because I’ve never been to England. You suck because you have.

I rule because I know all the words to Born to Run. You suck because you don’t even know what song I’m talking about.

I rule because when I have kids I’m gonna name them Chuck and Steve. You suck because you named your kids Dylan and Cameron.

I rule because I scored with 888 chicks my senior year in college. You didn’t. You spent the whole time hitting on that snotty bitch who spent the whole party nursing one beer and bitching about how cold it was and you never got in her pants even once. You suck.

I rule because I graduated high school with a 2.3 GPA and still make bank. You graduated 4.0 and make $8 an hour. You suck.

I rule because I bought Home Alone on DVD. Oh, you think that’s a kids movie and it’s gay that I bought it? F-you, it’s funny. You suck. Kevin McAllister rules almost as much as me.

I rule because I know that golf is for very old, very white people. You suck because you’re working on your handicap.

I rule because I listen to the Twins on the radio and put up with Dan Gladden’s crap. You watch the game on your fancy-pants HDTV but you’ve never even heard of Scott Stahoviak so you’re not even a fan so F-you. You suck.

I rule because I can bench like 220. You suck because you haven’t lifted since high school back when you thought you were gonna go D-1 even though you weren’t even good enough to play NAIA. You suck.

I rule because chicks hit on me. You suck because you hit on chicks.

I rule because one time I beat up Jimmy Fallon. You bought his comedy CD. Man, you suck.

I rule because I spend most of my time on the internet watching porn and downloading songs that aren’t by Sublime. You suck because you spend your time on the internet reading some asshole’s stupid blog.

I rule because I look kind of like Jack Black. You suck because you kind of look kind of like Fred Savage.

I rule. You suck.

$3.1 million for this guy? Really?

A couple posts ago, I mentioned that, after the Twins signed Sidney Ponson to a low-risk minor-league contract, they were also interested in signing Ramon Ortiz to a deal (as well as Bruce Chen).
I wrote that under the assumption that they would also come in under a similar low-risk deal. Under that scenario, bringing in Ortiz seemed like a reasonable idea. After all, Ortiz' 2006 numbers were bad, but he's had some success in the past.

Now he's guaranteed a spot in the Twins rotation, after the team signed him to a 1 year deal worth $3.1 million.
Again, $3.1 million isn't a ton of money these days, but it's too much for a small market team to give to a guy who last year led the NL in losses, gave up the second most runs and the ninth most hits. He was 11-16 with a 5.57 ERA in 191 innings. And remember, this is in the NL, where there is no DH (meaning pitchers essentially only face 8 hitters, and get a free out once every time through the lineup).

If you want to try to look on the bright side, there's this:
Ortiz pitched better in the AL.
From 2001 to 2004 with Anaheim, he put up these numbers.

'01: 13-11, 4.36
'02: 15-9, 3.77
'03: 16-13, 5.20
'04: 5-7, 4.43

Once again, the pressure is on pitching coach Rick Anderson to help this guy get it together.
He might make a decent 5th starter, but that's the same thing one might say about half the rotation (Ponson, Carlos Silva, Scott Baker, Matt Garza, Ortiz).

Santana, Boof and Silva were locks for the rotation, and now Ortiz is too since they're paying him $3.1 million.

That means there's only one spot open for Ponson, Baker, Garza, Glen Perkins, Kevin Slowey, JD Durbin - whoever else might be in the mix.

I'm not real happy about that. I think Garza has to open the season in the rotation, and Baker should be traded if he isn't. I'd also like to see Perkins, Slowey and Durbin given a fair shake.

It's just another example of the Twins making their young talent wait forever to get their shot while the team instead takes fliers on has-beens.

*There are reports that the Steelers have hired Mike Tomlin, the Vikings defensive coordinator, as head coach.

As if things weren't bad enough for the Vikings, now they're apparently losing the only competent person they had in a position of leadership. One Pittsburgh newspaper is conflicting the ESPN and SI reports of Tomlin's hire, saying that in-house candidate Russ Grimm is getting the job.

Let's hope so.

The Return of LeCroy, and the pains of arbitration

Yes, if you didn't hear, the Twins signed DH/1B/sort of C Matthew LeeeCroy to a minor-league contract.
He's no guarantee to make the team, but I like him better than Ken Harvey. He'd be a great guy to have in Triple-A if he doesn't make the squad.
LeCroy spent last year in Washington, but any Twins fan knows he had no business in the NL, where glovework is required. His catching outing that ended with Frank Robinson in tears was probably the final straw in his catching career.
But dude can still hit lefties. I hope he makes the squad.

*Arbitration figures have been exchanged, and one thing is official: Lew Ford is as dumb as he is crappy.
If I were in charge of the Twins, Ford would've been told the day after the season ended in Oakland to turn in his Twinkie pinstripes, but not only are the Twins intent on bringing him back, they've offered him $800,000.
Ford, whose batting average has gone from .329 to .299 to .264 to .226, asked for $1.3 million.
I realize $1.3 million isn't a huge amount of money in today's game, but when you're on a budget like the Twins are, with the prospect of having to pay Joe Mauer, Johan Santana, Justin Morneau, Jason Bartlett, Torii Hunter, Joe Nathan and many others, why would you pay even 800k for numbers you could get from your typical Northern Leaguer?
They should cut him loose. With Torii, Cuddy, Rondell White, Jason Tyner, Josh Raabe and sort of Jason Kubel, there is no need for Ford to remain employed by the Twins.

*As for the other guys, here's where the figures stand.
Joe Mauer has asked for 4.5 million, the Twins have offered 3.3
Morneau has asked for 5 million, the Twins have offered 4.
Cuddyer has asked for 4.25 million, the Twins are offering 3.
Nick Punto has asked for 2.1 million, the Twins are offering 1.6
Juan Rincon has asked for 2.4 million, the Twins are offering 1.6

The teams can continue to negotiate, but if they dont come to a deal, a 3-man panel of arbiters will rule, and their decision is binding. Recent history suggests the arbiters would side with the players (see Lohse, Kyle) except probably for Lew Ford. I don't think anyone would think he's worth 1.3 million.

Likely the Twins will avoid arbitration with Mauer and Morneau, and sign them to long-term deals. But not too long term, because the players want to be able to get another big pay-day down the road. A 4-year, $25 million or so deal is probably likely for those two.
My guess is they'll try to work out a deal for Cuddyer, too, but if they can't come to terms, they'll probably just accept the arbitration ruling.
I'm not sure if they view Rincon as a candidate for a long-term deal, or if they'll go to arbitration and just try to get another good year out of him.

With Punto, I'm pretty sure they're going straight to arbitration, and whatever they decide, they'll live with it. They don't want to lose Punto, but they're definitely not ready to sign him to a long-term deal. Because they, like the rest of us, remain unconvinced that Punto's 2006 season was for real.

Johan Gone?

Ever since Barry Zito signed a super-huge contract with the Giants for $18 million a year, Twins fans all over have already begun counting down the days until Johan Santana is wearing Yankee pinstripes (note the razor sharp photo-shop work in the photo.)
It's stupid.
I see the logic, with people correctly assuming that since Zito gets that much, and since Santana is much better than Zito, that Johan will cost $20 million a year, and therefore become too expensive and either leave via free-agency or be traded for prospects.
Here's the thing, though.
The Twins are a small-market team, yes, but they've actually never had difficulty holding onto players.
Players like Corey Koskie, Jacque Jones, Eric Milton, Chuck Knoblauch, Cristian Guzman, LaTroy Hawkins, Eddie Guardado, AJ Pierzynski, Matt Lawton and many others moved on, but it was because the Twins either had someone else ready to replace them or because they felt they could do better cheaper.

In recent years there have been only a handful of instances where the Twins faced the prospect of being unable to afford a franchise player, and they managed to step up and pay all of them.
Kirby Puckett was one of baseball's top players, and the Twins twice gave him mega-deals to keep him. They signed him to a 3 year-9 million deal that made him baseball's highest paid-player in 1991, then signed him to a 5 year-$30 million deal (also among the most expensive at the time) to keep him in Minny until his retirement.
Chuck Knoblauch appeared destined to leave via free-agency, until the Twins signed him to a 6 year-$30 million deal in 1996 (they ended up trading him to the Yanks anyway, for Milton, Guzman and Brian Buchanan).
In 2000 Brad Radke had a big pay-day coming up, and Twins fans moaned and wailed that we'd never be able to afford him. The Twins signed him to a 4 year, $36 million deal.
And after this past season, Torii Hunter had a $12 million option that had to be picked up to keep him here, and despite Hunter's obvious defensive decline, they did so.

So why would anyone think they won't do the same for Johan?
If they can give Torii $12 million they can certainly give Johan $20 million. The Twins payroll will never rival that of the Yankees, but it has gone up every year since 2001, and if the Twins are smart (and they are) they'll realize that committing a large portion of their payroll to Santana, Mauer, Morneau and Jason Bartlett is a sound decision. Santana is signed through 2008, and by 2009, the Twins payroll might be approaching $100 million just through natural inflation alone.
Plus, the new stadium will be ready in 2010, so the Twins might be able to 'borrow' some money against the funds that will start coming in that year.

The Twins fiscal situation means that many solid, second-tier players (the Koskie's, Pierzynski's and Milton's) will likely only spend one contract with the Twins.
But it doesn't mean the superstars will be unaffordable.

The Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox and other teams could and certainly will offer Johan more money than the Twins, but I'd bet the Twins will be able to make him an offer that's of fair market value.

He could end up in pinstripes by 2009, but the idea that his leaving Minnesota is a foregone conclusion is preposterous.

Ponson's In - Why not Rincon?

The Twins added depth to their starting rotation, or at least their candidates for the starting rotation, when they signed one-time 17-game winner Sidney Ponson on Wednesday.
Since going 17-12 with a 3.75 ERA for Baltimore in 2003, Ponson has made more headlines for weight problems and run-ins with Johnny Law. He likes to drink and then get into fights.
Still just 30, Ponson, who is the only player in ML history from Aruba, is no guarentee to make the team based on his struggles in recent years, and with the number of promising young arms the Twins possess.
Since that breakout season of '03, he has done this:

2004: 11-15, 5.30
2005: 7-11, 6.21
2006: 4-5, 6.25

Those are sub-Kyle Lohse numbers. Then again, Rick Anderson has proven to be a deft teacher, and Ponson is young enough that maybe Anderson could do something with him. And, since his last three years have been marred by off-field problems, maybe those stats are more an indication of where his head has been those three years than his arm.

I'd give Ponson a 50/50 shot of making the team.

What I'd like to see is the Twins consider Juan Rincon for the starting rotation.
I can see why they'd be hesitant, with the whole "don't fix what isn't broke" philosophy, but I really think Rincon could do it.
Carlos Silva had the same role as Rincon in Philly, and put up two fine seasons upon the Twins moving him into the rotation. Rincon has multiple pitches, and came up to the team as a starter.
He's thrown over 300 innings in nearly 300 appearances over the last four seasons, so I believe he has the durability.

The obvious question (and reason the Twins probably aren't considering this) is that their bullpen is the strength of the team, and they clearly don't want to mess with that.

If Rincon joins the rotation, then Pat Neshek and/or Jesse Crain become the top relievers, with Matt Guerrier and perhaps Scott Baker and JD Durbin in the mix.

But the Twins may have been able to find an affordable free-agent (the Indians just signed Keith Foulke) and that would've maybe made it a possibility.

With Rincon in, you'd have:
Santana
Boof
Silva
Rincon
Garza/Baker/Ponson/Durbin/Perkins

With Rincon in the pen you've got:
Santana
Boof
Silva
Garza
Baker/Ponson/Durbin/Perkins.

Either way, you're talking about a staff with some serious ifs.

The Twins are still reportedly interested in lefty Bruce Chen (0-7, 6.93 last year, but 13-10, 3.83 the year before that) and righty Ramon Ortiz (11-16, 5.57 last year, 79-76, 4.85 career).
If it's cheap, bring 'em on in. We need all the help we can get.

Tice was better

That much is obvious. He went 9-7 last year.
Since that time, the Vikings added Chester Taylor, Matt Birk (he was hurt), Steve Hutchinson, Cedric Griffin, Dwight Smith, Ryan Longwell, Ben Leber and D.C. Mike Tomlin - and yet they will likely finish 6-10 in the first year of Brad Childress' tenure.

Is it fair to call for Childress to be fired after just one year?

Maybe.

After all, this has been far worse than anyone could've expected. Let's be real. Three of this teams' wins have come against Detroit and Arizona. Another came against a Seattle team that played without Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander (which is kind of like beating the Red Sox without David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez). The other two wins came against underachieving Carolina and Washington, who probably only lost because they were unprepared for how terrible the Vikings would actually be.
Bad teams like San Francisco, Green Bay, Miami and Buffalo beat the Vikes with relative ease.
With this schedule, and the off-season additions to the roster, 10 wins was not too much to expect. I believe Tice would've delivered that.

And now this.

Thursday night against Green Bay, the Vikings recorded one, two, three first downs.

3.

First, Childress made the mistake of giving in to public pressure and starting Tarvaris Jackson. I didn't disagree with the decision, except for the fact that Childress didn't make the move to give Jackson experience (which is why I would've). He did it ostensibly to win the game, which is laughable, considering the guy is one year removed from playing I-AA ball.
If Childress thought that game needed to be won (which it didn't), Brad Johnson should've started, and the Vikings probably would've won.
Second, Childress started Jackson but kept the boring Brad Johnson plays. The fact that Jackson has a stronger arm and more mobility became a moot point. I don't believe I've ever watched a worse NFL game.

What also bothers me is how Childress has not shied away from placing blame for his putrid offense on Johnson all year, which continues to hint towards a prickly insecurity that lies beneath Hamster Face's supposed tough-guy demeanor.
I don't believe he's as confident in himself and his coaching as he pretends to be. All you have to do is look at his face during games. He looks clueless, almost scared. He knows he's being outcoached as it's happening.

Maybe we should've seen this coming. I'd be lying if I said this is what I thought would happen, but deep down I did fear that it was a possibility. After all, what had Hamster Face ever done before?
OC in Philly? Please. Philly's offense has usually been the achilles heel of their team. And Childress didn't call the plays anyway.

Disciplinarian? The Vikings lead the NFL in penalties, and the off-field incidents that Zygi Wilf's handlers have convinced him are more important than winning games, have not lessened.

Speaking of Boner-Nose, he's part of the problem. When he hired Childress, he introduced him as a 'proven winner'. In what universe, Zygi? The guy had never been a HC before.
Wilf had no idea who to hire, and since Hamster Face's name kept popping up in Peter King's weekly column, that was apparently enough to convince him that he should be the guy.

Will Childress be back? Almost certainly.

Being that Zygi is as unstable and clueless as he is, I guess it's possible that he'll push the panic button and fire Childress. I would neither cheer nor oppose that move. Hamster Face has been the most disappointing coach in the NFL, and he has certainly raised plenty of doubt as to whether he's capable of leading an NFL team. He's been nothing short of a colossal, bombastic failure.

But firing a guy after one year, especially with the enourmous amount of staff that he brought in, could drive the team further into chaos and disarray.

Plus, I think Boner-Nose has too much ego to admit he struck out on his first hire after just one year. My guess is there will be a compromise of sorts.
Originally, the plan was surely for Childress to get at least three years, and if by the third year the team was at least starting to win, he'd get to stay longer.
But now, with this season having gone as badly as it has, my guess is he'll be on the hot seat in '07.
If they go finish below .500 again, or continue to be boring and pitiful on offense, he should be fired. If he can coax 8 or 9 wins out of them, or at least start showing some semblence of a clue offensively, give him another year.

Honestly, I pity Childress. I don't think he expected any of this. I honestly think he thought he was some kind of fucking genius, and now he's having trouble with the humbling realization that he may be pro football's worst coach. The media and fans have already turned against him, savagely in some cases, and that just exacerbates things. He doesn't have many allies at this point.
He isn't an idiot, however. If he admits to himself that he's got a lot more learning to do than he thought, he might have a chance to get this team on track next year.

I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's tough.

* The Wolves failure to land Allen Iverson is inexcusable if, as has been reported, they were unwilling to give them what they wanted. The Wolves are the most irrelevant team in pro sports - they have almost no fans - so they should've given the 76ers literally anyone on the entire roster besides Kevin Garnett.

This was the one chance for this team to get back on the map, both competitively and from a ticket-selling standpoint, and they blew it.

* The Twins officiallly signed Rondell White to an incentive laden 1-yr deal. He'll start in LF, with Jason Kubel penciled in at DH (with Jeff Cirillo and others at the ready). I doubt White will stay healthy playing the field, but I'm convinced that he's more likely to repeat his second half performance of last year than his first.

And considering the ridiculous contracts being given to mediocre players, the Twins didn't have much choice. It was either White or Josh Raabe.