There is a God

As of today, the Twins season has ended early, the Vikings are perhaps the worst team in the NFL, the T-Wolves no longer have Kevin Garnett and the Gophers are the worst team in the Big 10.
Torii Hunter and Johan Santana may have played their last games as a Twin, and I have to go finish mowing my lawn.
But none of that can put a damper on my day.

Because Isiah Thomas lost his sexual harassment case.
I don't know if anything could make me happier right now.

I could spend all day reciting reasons why I despise Isiah Thomas, but I still have to go to work this afternoon, and that lawn won't mow itself.

First of all, did you know Isiah Thomas' middle name is Lord?
What the fuck - Lord? No wonder he's such an ego maniacal bastard, his mom convinced him he's a deity.
While his common nickname as a player was Zeke (is that another biblical reference? I don't know but he still sucks), his bio also lists "the baby-faced assassin" as a nickname.

Gay.

The main reason I hate the baby-faced assassin is his career-long penchant for jealousy of players and people better and more successful than him.
In 1985, the baby-faced assassin orchestrated a "freezeout" of rookie Michael Jordan in the All-Star game, because he was jealous of Jordan. MJ took only 9 shots in the game because no one would pass him the ball.
Years later, after Jordan's Bulls kicked the shit out of the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals, the Pistons walked off the court of Game 4 (it was a sweep) with 7.9 seconds left, refusing to shake hands with the Bulls.

Jordan got revenge in truly righteous fashion in 1992, when he blocked the baby-faced assassin from being selected for the "Dream Team" the first and most famous NBA Olympic team. John Stockton took his place. The baby-faced assassin complained, but because he's a pussy and a coward, vented most of his frustration toward Stockton instead of Jordan, even though Stockton had nothing to do with it.
So the next time the Jazz played the Pistons, Karl Malone elbowed the baby-faced assassin in the head, requiring 40 stitches.

Thank you, Karl Malone. You rule.

Likely the baby-faced assassin's anger towards Stockton was racially motivated. This is the same guy who once said Larry Bird, who for his career averaged 24 points, 10 rebounds and 6 assists per game while shooting 50% from the floor and 89% from the line, was overrated, and would be "just another player" if he was white.
He also reportedly said recently, in regards to Knicks' season ticket holders, "Bitch I don't give a fuck about these white people!"
While it pleases me to picture the baby-faced assassin saying such a thing, it also reminds me how much I hate him.

After he retired, the baby-faced assassin refused to go away. Jealous of the reputation players like Jordan and Magic Johnson had as businessmen, he apparently decided he could use his "winning (read: criminal) smile" and criminal justice degree (yes, he went back to school and got it) from Indiana to become a Fortune 500 tycoon or something.
He became part owner of the Toronto Raptors, but was forced out due to alleged improprieties.

Then came the CBA debacle. To make a very long story very short, the baby-faced assassin bought the whole league, and ran it straight into the ground. It would be hard for a high school sophomore to fuck up a business faster than the baby-faced assassin ruined the CBA.
Rather than try to fix it, he jumped ship to become head coach of the Indiana Pacers.

In between, he actually wrote a book about how to succeed in business.

Seriously.

The guy who took a 65-year old league and killed it in three months, wrote a book about how to be a successful businessman. I can think of a few metaphors that would apply here.

It'd be like:

Bill Janklow writing a book about safe driving.

Nick Punto writing a book about hitting for power.

Brad Childress writing a book about how to create a "kick-ass offense."

My brother writing a book about what constitutes good music.

I could go on.

But the baby-faced assassin's move to Indiana ended up working out for the better, because Bird was soon hired as the team's GM, and guess what was the first thing he did upon taking over?
You guessed it - he shit-canned the B.F.A (getting kind of tired of spelling it out, sorry).

It looked like the B.F.A. might finally be out of the picture by then, but no, the Knicks hired him as GM. He had the highest payroll in the NBA, and one of its greatest coaches in Larry Brown, and yet the Knicks were the worst team in the NBA. He gave a 5-year, $30 million contract to Jerome James, who averaged 2.9 points and 2.2 rebounds a game.

The B.F.A. fired Brown and made himself coach. One of his first acts as coach was to order his players to commit hard fouls in a game against Denver, instigating an unsightly brawl.
But the Knicks finished the year on a 20-17 run, landing the B.F.A. an extension.

So here I was, waiting for something bad to happen to the B.F.A. when - BAM - sexual harassment suit!

You've probably heard many of the sordid details, so let's just skip to the best part - the jury today sided with the accuser, Anucha Browne Sanders.

$11.6 million, baby. Maybe the CBA should join in for some sloppy seconds and see if they can get any $$ from the big bad B.F.A.

Attention New York Knicks: Fire this historic asshole.

Attention NBA: Never give this stupendous prick another job - ever.

Attention Planet Earth: Stay away from this fucker, he's the devil.