I Hate That Guy Nos. 2-4: Roger Clemens, John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman

(Vote now, who's the bigger douchebag - Joe Perry or Roger Clemens?!)

While New Yorkers pretend as though Jesus has returned, the rest of are unmoved by the news that Roger Clemens signed with the Yankees this week for a salary that averages more per year than the entire Tampa Bay Devil Rays team.

No one is surprised, and, outside of Yankee nation, I don't know that anyone cares.
We all knew it was coming, especially when the Yanks signed Andy Pettite in the off-season.
And while my guess is that Clemens will pitch well, it's gotta end eventually. He'll soon be 45, which is the same age that Nolan Ryan finally started to succumb to age.
My guess is he'll post an ERA of around 3.50, averaging barely 6 innings per start, and that the health of the rest of the Yankee rotation will have a bigger effect on their record than the Rocket will.

There are a lot of things I respect about Clemens.
He's kept himself in tremendous shape, and I admire guys that keep playing into their 40's even when stupid media no-nothings blather on moronically about 'going out on top'. If he loves the game, he should keep playing. And I love how his career, like Ryan's, flies in the face of the stupid pitching coaches and managers these days who think pitchers can't throw more than 100 pitches a game or 200 innings a year or their arm will explode.

But he still makes my hate list.
I'll never forget the bush-league move he made when he threw at Mike Piazza's head, nearly killing him, largely because of the fact he simply couldn't get him out. That was one of the most cowardly things I ever saw on a ball field.

Then there's the special treatment.
He only has to show up when he's pitching. He gets $4.5 million a month. And a private plane, and a box for his family or whatever other stupid shit is in his contract. I don't blame the Yankees for giving it to him, because they're desperate. But Clemens just comes off like a tool, and a lame teammate.

And spare us the Michael Jordan-Brett Favre-will-I-or-won't-I crap.
It's self indulgent and obnoxious, and most of us see it for what it really is: You can't make it through a whole season because you're old.

I'm sure if you saw Sportscenter at all the last couple days you heard Suzyn Waldman's embarrassing call on live radio when Clemens popped his head out of George Steinbrenner's box Sunday to tell the Yankee Stadium crowd he was back. I'll admit it was a cool thing for Clemens to do, but Waldman, the Yankees color commentator, screamed like a banshee and called it "one of the most dramatic things I've ever seen".

Please.

Waldman's been working Yanks games for like 20 years, so I'm going to assume that means she saw the memorable playoff homers of Aaron Boone, Jim Leyritz and Chad Curtis, and has also been witness to some amazing feats from the likes of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mariano Rivera.
But a guy getting on a microphone and confirming what was a surprise to no one at all is one of the most dramatic things she's ever seen?
It's this kind of stupid hyperbole that has put most sports commentary into the toilet.

Speaking of which, Waldman's partner, John Sterling, is a total ass-hat.
And it's not about hating the Yankees
As much as I hate the Yankees, I admit, they're special. They're an American institution all by themselves.
I totally believe, and in some ways even appreciate, the Yankee mystique.
So I think that they should get someone truly great to handle play-by-play of their games on the radio.
Not some guy who thinks, "Yankees win, Yankees win, the-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a Yankees win" is clever.

Seriously, that's the best you can do?
Your job is to describe the action of the most storied team in sports to a titanic fan base, and the best you came up with is convulsing like a retard with a stutter?
Horrible. I can't believe Yankee fans put up with this.

Roger Clemens, John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman - I hate you.