Hamster Face: Who needs running backs?

This comment from Hamster Face about the running back free-agent pool is another reason that I hate him even though he hasn't called a single play as Vikings coach:

"We've kind of looked at the free agents that are out there. They're kind of journeyman guys. I know there's Edgerrin James out there. He'll come with a big-ticket price. Jamal Lewis. He'll come with a big-ticket price," Hamster face said. "What we've done in Philadelphia is kind of done it by committee. So if we can't find that guy, that's the lead dog, that can do it 25 or 30 times a game, we'll go ahead and spread it around a little and keep everybody fresh."

Yeah, who wants Edgerrin James, or Jamal Lewis, or Preist Holmes, or Shaun Alexander (the fucking league MVP!)?
It's not like we're $30 million under the cap - oh, wait, we are. Maybe we can sign Duce Staley.
In case you're an idiot, I'll point out to you that the Eagles have had a terrible running game throughout the entire coaching tenure of Andy Reid. Their best running back is Donovan McNabb. So I'm sure glad that Hamster face is ready to go that same route in Minny.

Update: McHale makes a move

Wally Szczerbiak has been traded to the Celtics, along with Michael Olowokandi and Dwane Jones for Ricky Davis, Mark Blount, Marcus Banks and a couple draft picks. The Wolves also apparently traded Nikoloz Tskitishvilli to Phoenix for a pick. No one noticed.
Wally was having his best season, averaging 20.1 ppg on 51 % shooting, while Olowokandi had gone completely in the toilet.
Having said that Ricky Davis is only slightly less crazy than Ron Artest, and an only slightly better all around player than Wally. He's a better defender, but not as reliable on offense.
Blount is a stiff, but maybe not as stiff as Kandi-man.
Basically I have no opinion of this trade other than I'll kind of miss Wally.
Paul Pierce would've been better. Or Steve Francis.
I don't see how this makes the Wolves better, really. Although it's clear that KG and Wally still weren't getting along, so maybe that pushed the deal.

Two Great Players....One good exec

That's what you see in the photo at left.
Since the T-Wolves never won more than 29 games before Kevin McHale began running the show, I guess he technically deserves credit for bringing the Wolves out of the abyss and into respectability.
But even that requires giving him a big benefit of the doubt.
If you caught any of the Wolves 107-87 loss to Memphis on Wednesday night, you saw a bad team hitting bottom.
The Wolves have two impact players, one of whom (Szczerbiak) is still overrated, a couple of wild cards (Eddie Griffin and Rashad McCants) and a bunch of guys whose trading cards aren't worth a nickel.
Back when the CBA was a credible league, most of today's T-Wolf roster would've fit in perfectly.
Flip Saunders, I probably don't need to point out, has like a 95-1 record with Detroit. Or something like that.
I like McHale, but enough is enough. He's gotta go. He's the problem.
Pluses on McHale's resume include drafting Kevin Garnett, drafting Wally Szczerbiak, drafting Ray Allen (who he traded for Stephon Marbury) and, well, that's about it.
He also drafted Paul Grant, William Avery, Ndudi Ebi and Rashad McCants.
The devastating Joe Smith fiasco happened on his watch, though owner Glen Taylor also deserves a lot of blame there, too.
I won't blame McHale for trading Marbury for Terrell Brandon, because he didn't have any choice. He got what he could there.
But he did choose Brandon over both Bobby Jackson (6th man of the year) and Chauncey Billups (NBA Finals MVP). These are probably the two biggest black eyes on his record.
I liked the additions of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell at the time, and I don't think you can blame McHale for them flaming out as fast as they had caught fire.
But when McHale fired Flip last year, he was essentially choosing Sam and Spree over Flip. The Wolves were losing last year because Flip lost those two players. While it seemed at least somewhat logical at the time, it's apparent now what a grave mistake that was, given that Sam and Spree were both shown the door the minute the season ended.
Fired the coach in favor of two players who only spent two more months with the club. Ouch.
I was perfectly willing to give Dwane Casey a chance as the Wolves coach. He seems like a classy, intelligent guy who has worked hard for his shot at a job.
But at the moment he appears to be overwhelmed by the job, and perhaps not creative enough to find ways to cure his teams ills.
He hasn't been able to reach Olowokandi, he doesn't seem to know what to make of Marko Jaric, the 6-foot-7 point guard, and he seems to be pulling the B.S. about Trenton Hassell being the next Ron Artest.
As much as he has failed as a GM, McHale wasn't a bad coach last year (19-12). At this point it looks like the team might have been better off if he'd kept the job.
But assembling the roster over the past few years has been a disaster. McHale's only successful draft picks were no brainers. Anyone would've taken Garnett or Allen or Szczerbiak.
Nowadays, the NBA draft is more like the baseball draft. You draft teenagers based on them being able to develop and help your team in a couple years.
If you look at the NBA scoring leaders right now, you'll see a bunch of unfamiliar names.
Guys that we all knew to nothing about on the day they were drafted, but are quietly becoming the next generation of the league's superstars.
That's because the other teams have figured it out. You have to scout. You have to look hard. And you have to develop those players once you get them.
Every year you look at the draft and say, 'There's nobody good out there, the draft is a waste, etc.' That is proving to be untrue. The impact players are still out there - they're just not as obvious as they once were. Some teams are finding them. The Wolves are not.
They also continue to fail in getting the most out of Garnett. Most scouts still say that from a total package standpoint, Garnett is the best player in the league. He can literally do it all.
Or can he?
Why can't he score more than 22 points a game?
Did anyone even realize that Garnett is currently leading the NBA in FG%?
Here's an idea: If your best player is the best shooter in the league, maybe he should shoot more.
I'm tired of hearing about how well Garnett 'distributes the ball' and 'gets his teammates involved.'
His teammates suck.
They need to be less involved.
Look at Kobe. He knows his teammates suck. Some nights he works to make them better. Other nights, when he realizes they're not getting it done, he takes over and scores 81.
I'm not saying KG can score 81 a game, but there should be more nights where he makes like Kobe and says, 'To hell with you jokers, I'm taking us home.'
Instead the Wolves continue to struggle. Struggle to win games and struggle to find an identity.
They're hard to watch.
Trading KG is not the answer. Firing McHale, and possibly Casey with him, is.

Kobe vs. MJ

Screw the Steelers and Seahawks, the biggest news in the sports world Sunday was Kobe Bryant putting up 81 - 81! against the Raptors.
It's the second highest total ever, and if you consider that Bryant is competing on a much more level playing field than was Wilt Chamberlain, it was the most impressive offensive performance in the history of the sport.
Normally the words 'ball hog' might come into play here, but the Lakers really don't have much besides No. 8, and both Kobe and Phil Jackson acknowledged that the other Lakers were 'lethargic'.
And here's the thing - Kobe hit 61 percent of his shots from the floor. He was 28 of 46 from the floor (including 7 of 13 from 3-point range) and 18 of 20 from the line. An amazing night.
In case you were wondering, Michael Jordan's career-high was 69.
And speaking of Jordan, this game will no doubt continue to spark the debate: Is Kobe the next Jordan? Is he, or will he eventually be, better than Jordan?
I think the numbers say that no, he's not, but, hey, Kobe does seem like he's got more suprises up his sleeve.
Kobe, at this very moment, is averaging 35.9 points per game, 5.6 rebounds per game, 4.3 assists per game, 1.3 steals and 0.5 blocks. He's shooting 45 percent from the floor, 84 percent from the line, and 34 percent from downtown.
For a little comparison, let's look at MJ's peak years, 1987-1990.
1987 - 37.1 points, 5.2 rebs, 4.6 ass, 2.9 steals, 1.5 blocks. 48% FG, 86%FT.
1988 - 35.0 points, 5.5 rebs, 5.9 ass, 3.2 stels, 1.6 blocks, 54%FG, 84%FT
1989 - 32.5 points, 8.0 rebs, 8.0 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.8 blocks, 54%FG, 85%FT
1990 - 33.6 points, 6.9 rebs, 6.3 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.7 blocks, 52%FG, 85%FT
Clearly, Kobe doesn't compare to MJ from a 'total package' perspective. Jordan's shooting percentages were ridiculous for a guard, as were his rebounds and blocks. He nearly averaged a triple-double in '89. And Jordan was not only the league's most dangerous scorer, he was easily the best defender as well.
So, no I don't think you can argue that Kobe is as good of a player as MJ was.
But he might be as good a scorer.
Kobe appears to be able to score in big bunches whenever he wants, regardless of the opponent, a very Jordan-like quality.
It seemed like whenever Jordan was pissed or wanted to make a point, he'd go out and score 55 almost on cue. That's what Kobe does.
Jordan's absurdly high FG% was a product of his physical strength and defensive ability, which created a lot of fast-break points and dunks and lay-ups on penetrations.
Kobe has some of that ability, but to a much lesser extent. He shoots a lot, and he shoots from everywhere. What he may have that MJ never did, is the ability to catch fire from outside, which makes him unstoppable for certain spurts.
Kobe has a lot more range, and when he gets hot from outside, no amount of double and triple teams can stop him. That's why he scored 81 points and MJ never did. Jordan could never get that hot with his jumper.
Jordan, it should be pointed out, didn't add the 3-pointer to his game until he had to, due to age.
In '87, when MJ scored a career-high 3,041 points - the last player to eclipse 3,000 - he made 12 3-pointers all year. 12!
It wasn't until 1990 that he started shooting them regularly, hitting 92.
So really, thirty-something Jordan did look a lot like modern-day Kobe. Threatening to drive more than he actually did it, and living off fade-away jumpers and 3-pointers.
And that's where the comparison comes from.
People forget how unstoppable MJ was in his early to mid 20's.
They remember how he looked late in his career: Kobe-esque.
Kobe is an unbelievable player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he threatens Wilt's 100-point game. I also wouldn't be surprised if he becomes the first player other than Wilt to average 40 for a season.
But even if he does, he won't be the same player Jordan was.
There are four athletes in history who have dominated their sports like nobody else in history:
Wilt, Jordan, Babe Ruth and Wayne Gretzky.
Unless Kobe starts racking up triple-doubles and defensive player of the year awards, he won't make that list.

The Cowardly Lion....er, Viking

Daunte Culpepper has had a tough time pretty much since he first came to the Vikings.
He spent his rookie year as a 4th string QB behind Jeff George, Randall Cunningham and Todd Bouman. He played sparingly in the pre-season, and when he looked understandably green, fans started to grumble that he was a poor pick. We never stopped hearing about Jevon Kearse and how the Vikes erred in passing him up.
Of course he proved them wrong over the next five years, putting up mostly outstanding numbers, despite having issues with turnovers.
In 2005, he had what was, in my opinion, the single greatest all-around season any QB has ever had in the league.
Yet Vikings fans, never trusting of a QB who isn't pale skinned, still refused to open their arms to Culpepper.
That fan distrust was made even more obvious this year with the way Vikings fans fell all over themselves to praise the work of Brad Johnson.
Johnson did what a backup QB should do, and yes, Culpepper could certainly learn a lot from the veteran about playing under control and protecting the football.
Yet keep this in mind: Daunte made seven starts this year, five against quality teams (Tampa, Cincy, Chicago, Carolina and Atlanta). He lost all five and played poorly in all five. In the two games Pep played against poor teams (GB, N.O.) he played great and the Vikings won.
Johnson pretty much followed the same trend, but the easy part of the schedule fell on his watch.
Johnson had much less to do with the Vikings turnaround then did a favorable schedule and an improved defense.
But the fans didn't see it that way. They filled call-in shows with pleas to dump Daunte and committ to BJ.
And Daunte heard them.
This week Daunte's camp reportedly asked for a raise, which, of course, makes no sense with Culpepper coming off his worst year and worst injury.
He knows it makes no sense, that's why he asked.
Because he wants out.
And he hopes this'll force the team's hand, because he knows he's never getting a raise.
He has given up on trying to make the Vikings his team.
For as much as the Vikings have tried to annoint Daunte as their leader, he is clearly incapable of such.
He's a baby.
Instead of manning up to his own poor choices in the love-boat incident (regardless of how guilty he actually is),he has chosen to blame the Star Tribune.
Instead of saying, 'Hey I had a bad year. My bad.', he's asked for more money.
Instead of meeting his new coach face to face(a coach who, as far as I can tell, was only hired for Daunte's benefit, because of his work with Donovan McNabb, a QB with similar skills), he took 10 minutes to call him on his cell phone.
Instead of honoring Mike Tice's request to try to spark the team by speaking to them prior to a game late in the season, he refused.
Some leader.
As I mentioned, fans in this area have never given Daunte a fair shake, and in that regard I definitely feel for him. But he's a pro. A handsomely paid one at that.
His job is not to make people love him. His job is to win. To be a leader.
And he has failed.
Having said that, he's got no leverage here. (Nor does BJ, who has 3 years left on his deal.)
If I thought the Vikings could get a 1st round pick for him, I'd favor trading Daunte tomorrow. They'd then have 2 1st rounders, one of which they could trade to San Diego for Phillip Rivers. Then let him and BJ battle it out.
But due to the injury, the sex-scandal and his recent pouting, teams looking to acquire Daunte won't dream of offering anything good for him.
So I don't know exactly where that leaves the Vikes.
My guess is Daunte will realize he's backed himself into a corner and come back with his tail between his legs.
And while I don't really support the hiring of Brad Childress, I have a pretty good feeling he's the right guy to get Daunte back to the player he was under Scott Linehan.
Let's just hope Daunte was watching those games with BJ at the helm.
See what happens when you just take the sack Daunte? Interceptions are bad.

The All Unemployed Team

Courtesy of ESPN's Jayson Stark.
1B -- Tino Martinez
2B -- Bo Hart
SS -- Dueling Alex Gonzalezes
3B -- Russell Branyan
LF -- Ruben Sierra
CF -- Alex Sanchez
RF -- Sammy Sosa
C -- Bengie Molina
DH -- Frank Thomas

Starting Rotation -- Roger Clemens, Jeff Weaver, Josh Fogg, Ismael Valdez, Wade Miller.

Bullpen -- Ugueth Urbina, Antonio Alfonseca, Rick White, Paul Quantrill, Buddy Groom.

Bats off the bench -- Richard Hidalgo, Matt LeCroy, Erubiel Durazo, Scott Hatteberg, Daryle Ward, B.J. Surhoff.

Utility brigade -- Royce Clayton, Jose Hernandez, Rey Sanchez, Jeff DaVanon, Ramon Martinez, Willie Harris, Denny Hocking.

Future Hall of Famer -- Mike Piazza

Available for one at-bat (pick your spot) -- Juan Gonzalez

Congressional witness -- Rafael Palmeiro

Humor aside, there are at the very least a half dozen names on this list that could help the Twins tremendously in 2006.

The Bears - No Playoffs For You

When Ditka was coach and McMahon was under center, the Bears were a great team.
A manly team that won the big game.
A team you respected.
However in light of yet another season in which the Bears used great defense, an easy schedule and a lot of luck to win the NFC North, only to go 1 and done in the playoffs (just like everyone knew they would) I say it's time Paul Tagliabue did the right thing and banned the Chicago Bears from NFL Playoff eligibility.
No matter what happens in the regular season, no matter their record, they can't go.
Too many times they've wasted a spot in the tournament that would have been better suited for a team that actually has a chance to win a game in the playoffs.
This year, for example, the Chargers, Chiefs, Cowboys, Dolphins, Falcons and Vikings all would have given a better post-season showing.
So next year if they go 13-3 you just say, "Nice going guys, see ya next September" and let in some 7-9 team that scored more than 8 points a game and doesn't have a couple of stiffs at QB.
Don't get me wrong, if the Bears actually develop an offense, or at least something that would lead any sane person to believe they had more than a 10% chance to win in January, they can petition to the commisioner for re-instatement, a la Pete Rose.
And, as with Rose, they should then be denied.

On hamster face, boner-nose and the Bush administration

I'm not going to bore anyone with political stuff here, but one thing you can't deny about George W. is his willingness to hand out jobs on his staff to people with whom he has a past personal connection to.
I'm sure in some cases this has worked out fine, but I don't think I need to mention the cases in which it has not.
Which leads me to Brad Childress (or hamster face, as I will call him in reference to the gigantic thing on his upper lip, which goes so well with his shiny bald dome) - new coach of the Vikings.
Apparently hamster face's idea of assembling a credible staff is hiring everyone he worked with at Wisconsin and Northern Arizona. He has so far engaged in little more than croneyism when it comes to the hiring of his assistant coaches.
I'll give them a chance, I guess, but doesn't anyone else think that's a lazy and potentially dangerous way of doing things?
Say what you want about Mike Tice, but his top assistants (Linehan, Cottrell and special teams coach Rusty Tillman) were guys who Tice had never worked with previously. He didnt hire them because they were his buddies, he hired them because he thought they were the best guys for the job. In fact, Tice deserves full credit for 'discovering' Linehan, who was an assistant at Louisville when Tice decided to give him a chance. Now Linehan appears to be headed towards a head coaching job of his own.
Hamster face's excuse has been that everyone will agree on the system, things will run smoothly and everyone will be on the same page, etc., etc., but that smells like a load of crap to me.
There are a lot of people out there who think highly of hamster face, but I don't see any reason to be excited about him. As Philly's OC, he didn't call the plays (Andy Reid did) and the Eagles offense was only good once (when some T.O. fella was catching passes).
Owner Zygi Wilf (or boner-nose, as I will call him for obvious reasons) doesn't know a thing about football, so I will absolutely not give him the benefit of the doubt for his first hiring.
"(Hamster face) is a winner," is what Boner-Nose said at the press conference announcing the hiring. Based on what? is my question.
Like I said, I'll give him a chance, and I hope he does well. He's inherting an already pretty good team. But let's not start trusting this guy to do anything other than house tiny insects in his face.

Koskie Redux?

Though they initially denied any interest, the Twins are in fact, discussing a deal for a 3B with Toronto.
While I'd rather have Shea HIllenbrand, the deal is centering around Corey Koskie, with the Jays offering to pick up a very large chunk of salary.
It sounds like the Twins want to do the deal, but they may have to trade Kyle Lohse to clear up the payroll space.
I'm cautiously optimistic, as Koskie is better than Batista overall, but Batista's power is intriguing.
I hope that if they do get Koskie that they don't release Batista. Especially since you know Koskie won't stay healthy all year.

*Vikings update: Coaches that would not be a step forward after firing Tice - Jim Fassell, Wade Phillips, Dan Reeves, Ted Cottrell, Al Saunders, Brad Childress, Mike Singletary.
Coaches who I'd be excited about: Jim Schwartz, Ron Rivera, Jim Haslett, Steve Mariucci, Tim Lewis, Maurice Carthon.
Best guess? They hire Childress - an Andy Reid disciple.