Utterly Offensive

That is the best way to describe both the Twins and Vikings right now.
In fact, this is not the best time to be a fan of Minnesota pro sports.
It's shocking, and kind of scary, how it has gone from so good to so bad so quickly, in all four of the major pro sports.
Think about it.
The Minnesota Wild missed all of last season due to the NHL lockout, and the last season they played before the lockout, was a dissapointment.
A team on the rise coming off a trip to the NHL Western Conference Finals, they ended up missing the playoffs.
The Timberwolves also made the Western Conference Finals before their most recent season.
A year that began with talk of competing for an NBA title ended with the odd sight of Kevin McHale awkwardly manning the bench, as every player other than Kevin Garnett was put on the trade block. It was a scarily quick and ugly fall.
Then there was the Twins, who made the reasonable, if in hindsight unlikely, assessment that they could score enough runs with Michael Cuddyer, Justin Morneau, Nick Punto and Jason Bartlett in their lineup, to not only win their 4th straight AL Central crown, but actually go a step further, and win the World Series.
Thanks only to a pitching staff that has been nothing short of spectacular, the Twins will manage to post their fifth straight winning season, but they are not even within sniffing distance of the playoffs, and with many players approaching free-agancy and arbitration-eligibility in a dried-up market, the direction the team is headed, for the first time in a few years, is uncertain.
Which brings us to the Vikings, the consensus pick to be 2005 NFC North Champions.
It's hard to come up with a truly coherent assessment of their first two games, because they have been so bad in so many ways, that it's hard to single anything out.
I like Mike Tice well enough, but it's just kind of sad and comical to see his team so clearly, obviously and utterly outcoached every week.
There was no discernable game plan on offense in really either game.
I was not a big fan of Scott Linehan, (who I should point out didn't look so great Sunday after having a great opener), because Linehan ignored the run too much and was pass happy. But hell, at least he HAD a game plan.
My first guess after Sunday was that Tice would demote Loney back to O-line coach and make himself Offensive Coordinator, and the late Sunday papers said that he has in fact done that.
I'm not convinced by any means that's the answer, but I understand it. Tice's balls are THIS CLOSE to the bandsaw today, so if it's his ass he might as well be the one calling the plays.
The running game looked okay early, but they were down 14-0 right away and had no choice but to abandon it.
Yes, the defense was bad, but I have a hard time blaming them when Culpepper couldn't keep possession of the ball for more than three plays at a time.
I've seen some very, very bad QB's in this league over the years, (most of them have played for the Bears and Lions) but I'm not sure anyone of them looked as clueless as Culpepper did.
Last week he was bad and somehow this week, he found a way to be worse.
If he comes out like this again next week, I absolutely do not understand how you don't bring in Brad Johnson, because that's why we signed him.
There is no point in investing money in a solid backup if you wont use him.
What's there to motivate Daunte to play well if he knows the coach won't bench him.
And isn't the whole reason for Brad being such a great backup - you know the, "He's a veteran, he's been through the ups and downs, he can keep his head on straight through adversity, etc, etc, etc" something that this team could really use now?
I'm not saying he should start this week, but you've got to at least be wiling to pull the trigger.
Next week the Vikings host the Saints, who last year ranked dead last in the NFL in defense, even worse than the Vikings. And they added noone of significance to that defense over the offseason.
If the Vikings, who still haven't scored an offensive touchdown (the garbage time run by Daunte doesn't count in my book) can't put up, hell at least some yards, let alone points, than you know this things is completely fucked.
It's been quite some time since an NFL coach has been fired midseason, especially in the first half of the season.
With Zygi Wilf promising to be hands on, Tice is clearly in danger of ending that trend.
It's just bad to be a Minnesota fan right now. Bad, bad, bad.

Way to go assholes

Have a look at the two guys who have assembled the most frustrating, maddening, exruciating, offensively inept team I've ever seen.
It has really gotten bad.
The Twins are still mathematically in the wild card race, which makes it especially difficult to watch them on TV, because even as the losses pile up Dick Bremer continues to try and give every game the 'pennant fever-CATCH IT' treatment:
"Tonight the Twins battle the Royals in a marquee September matchup with serious playoff impli- SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!! ITS OVER!!!!!!
I'm glad Kyle Lohse, Carlos Silva and Brad Radke have complained in the papers recently.
The pitchers have carried this team remarkably this year, and as soon as the offense has one good game Gardy starts pulling guys and saying - "We can't worry about people's feelings around here"
Oh yeah, is that why you play Shannon Stewart in LF?
Or why you stuck with Joe Mays in the rotation way too long?
Or why you never had the balls to send Morneau to the minors?
Man, Gardy has had a terrible season as a manager.
Look how well Jason Bartlett has played since he came back. Gee, nice of Gardy to give the rookie all of 3 weeks before sending him down.
He tries to motivate players in the wrong way, he can't make a lineup....it'll never happen, but if Gardy got fired, I wouldnt complain.
For Gardy to take shots at his pitchers, and to yank them early from starts (you're not in the race dickhead, nice excuse) is disgraceful.
Radke, Silva and Lohse are easily the best 2 thru 4 starters in baseball, and they've had walking shitheads hitting for them all year. If I was them, I'd walk thru the dugout with middle fingers extended after every inning I pitched. They have one bad inning and suddenly Gardy is a tough guy.
And how about batting Juan Castro behind Morneau. Brilliant.
How the hell is Morneau ever going to hit homers with utility infielders batting behind him?
This team has lost SO MANY games by a run or two that could've been won were it not for a series of bad decisions.
One of my favorite examples: in a game earlier this year, LeCroy, the slowest man in sports, is on 2nd, and Lew Ford is up to bat. Gardy calls for the bunt, and Ford lays down a bunt that, admittedly wasn't very good, and LeCroy is thrown out by about 25 feet, but even a good bunt would not likely have done the job.
Ford comes back to the dugout and asks why Gardy called for the bunt with LeCroy on 2nd (good question). Gardy blows a gasket, gives Ford the "I'm the manager, not you" speech and benches him.
Way to go, Gardy. The guy who once ironed a shirt he was wearing is smarter than you. Might as well bench him for it.
The scary thing is this team is most likely going to return virtually completely intact.
Make no mistake, friends, this is a AAA lineup - and a bad one at that.
If I were Torii Hunter I'd ask the Twins to triple my salary, because that's how much better he is than anyone they have right now, except for maybe Mauer.
This is our lineup next year - I'm sure the White Sox are peeing themselves in fear:

Stewart LF
Punto 2B
Mauer C
Hunter CF
LeCroy DH
Morneau 1B
Jones RF
Cuddyer 3B
Bartlett SS
Wow, scary! There are guys in Japan that hit better than 70% of that lineup.
Hey, now that I think of it, that's not a bad idea. Maybe the Twins should look for some Japanse guys. Because I don't think we're going to see them go out and sign Jeff Kent or Gary Sheffield this spring.