Daunte on the Block

The Star Tribune reports the Vikings are going to give whiney-boy his wish.
Daunte is on the block.
Apparently he asked Wilf for a $10 million raise, which Wilf 'angrily' refused.
Of course what Zygi is missing is that Daunte knows he doesn't deserve a raise - that's why he's asking for one. To force the Vikings to trade him.
The story says the Vikings are asking for - get this - a 2nd round draft pick. Wow.
That is what you call falling from grace.
Another more encouraging scenario has the Vikes sending Daunte to Baltimore for Jamal Lewis.
Now Lewis' best days are certainly behind him, but I'd be more excited about landing him than a 2, considering recent Vikings second round picks include guys like Raonall Smith, EJ Henderson and Marcus Johnson.

Ugly Athlete No. 2 - Monica Seles

I used to watch a lot of tennis when I was a kid, and I had a special dislike for Monica Seles; for three reasons.
1 - She was, for a time, unbeatable.
2 - She squaled like a farm animal whenever she hit a forehand.
3 - She wasn't hot.
I feel kinda bad picking on someone who was once stabbed in the back by a psychotic fan (epsecially since her career was never the same after the incident), but Seles was, and probably still is, a big time dog.
Most men would probably be semi-turned on by listening to a woman howl like she's getting plowed by a jackhammer, yet Ms. Seles managed to make it pretty gross.
Makes you wonder what kind of noises she makes when she's having sex. Assuming she has sex.
With men.
Monica Seles
Professional Tennis Player 1989-2002
Ugliness: 7
Creepiness: 5
Identifying Characteristic: Hair that looks like it was pulled off of a broom, perma-scowl face, mannish body, walrus-like grunts during play. Has never heard of makeup.
Looks like: A man.

Ugly Athlete No. 1 - Willie McGee

As a cheap way to keep finding things to write about in this space, I've decided to launch what I hope will be an entertaining project: Identifying the ugliest athletes in America.
Past or present, male or female, professional or college, anyone is eligible.
I'm not going to rank them in any particular order, and I'll post a new ugly athlete pretty much whenever I don't have anything better to touch on - no particular schedule.
Certainly there will be many on the list that are easy targets, obvious choices, while others may reflect a personal touch.
Because ugliness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
You know how sometimes you're attracted to a chick and you don't really know why?
She might have a big nose or funny looking teeth or a weird scar on her face, but something about her just... 'works' for some reason.
Same deal for picking ugly athletes.
Might be a normal enough looking guy, but something about him (or her) just gives you the creeps.
So there may be some less obvious choices.
So without further ado.....
Leading off the list is former outfielder Willie McGee, who had a fine career, mostly with the St. Louis Cardinals. The 1985 NL MVP, McGee is also the only player to win a batting title in one league, while finishing the season playing in the other (1990, when the Cards sent him to the A's at the waiver deadline).
Willie McGee
Major League Baseball Player 1982-1999.
Ugliness: 9
Creepiness: 6
Identifying Characteristic: Doesn't really have a chin, or any lower face to speak of. His bottom lip seems to connect to his neck. Kind of like a chicken.
Looks like: Kind of like a chicken, also like a crack-addict. Chappelle's show could have fun with this guy.

Wither Sammy Sosa?

Sammy Sosa is threatening to retire.
This is kind of like Hitler threatening to kill himself, or Blink 182 threatening to stop making albums.
And yes, that is Sammy Sosa in the picture at left.
Before he started, ya know....lifting weights.
I won't sit here and say I hate Sammy Sosa, because he never really did anything all that bad (other than that whole "weight-lifting" thing).
But he always bugged the hell out of me, and it pisses me off that he has more career homers than guys like Mickey Mantle, Frank Robinson and Harmon Killebrew.
The thing that always bugged me about Sosa is how stupid he clearly is. Nobody likes stupid people and Sosa is certainly that.
His ridiculous homerun 'hop', (which he also did every time he flied out to left field because he's a fuck-tard) was the most ridiculous thing I ever saw a pro athlete do, except for maybe that other ridiculous thing he'd do - you know, where he dumps a cup of water on his head (rather than in his mouth) and kisses his fingers and points and whatever else was part of that Gay Latin Handjive.
Only a total moron would do this kind of shit.
The guy played the game like a 6-year old, and I don't mean that as a compliment. Accordingly, his supposed "immense popularity" was strictly relegated to little-leaguers, great-grandmothers and retarded people. No one over the age of 12 actually enjoyed Sosa's tired and phony antics.
Sosa was also never popular with any teammate he ever had. In his mind he was the show, and everyone else in blue pinstripes was an extra.
When he was in his prime he was famous (infamous?) for controlling the boombox in the Cubs locker room and do you know what he listened to?
Whitney Houston and Celine Dion. I'm not making this shit up just to spite the fucker, it's true.
Whitney fucking Houston and Celine Goddamn Dion! In a Major League clubhouse.
If I have not yet convinced you that Sammy Sosa sucks, never read this blog again because I hate you.
Sosa has made over $125 million dollars in his career just from playing baseball. Who knows how much additional cash he has made from Pepsi commercials.
(Side note: This is why I hate Pepsi - they use assfaces like Sammy Sosa in their commercials and think it's cute and hip. It's actually gay. Pepsi and Sammy Sosa may be the most perfect match I've ever heard of.)
But with all that money, Sosa is apparently going to turn down a $500,000 contract from the Washington Nationals, because he's insulted by it. A million and he'll talk, according to reports.
He has 588 career homeruns - 12 more and he joins the Babe, Bonds, Hank and Willie in the 600 club.
Here's hoping he hangs it up.
Cuz he don't belong on any list with those guys.

WBC - The Stupidest Thing......Ever

I first heard rumblings about something like this in a Peter Gammons column about six or seven years ago.
Gammons (of whom I am a huge fan) was yammering on about how the World Series isn't a "true" World Series - more like a North American Series.
Apparently he thought that since the teams reside only in the US and Canada, the players are all either American or Canadian, too.
Then Bud Selig started talking about.
And now this month we're gonna have it.
And I hate it.
Hate it, hate it, hate it.
No one in America gives a flying fuck about this stupid baseball tournament.
In Venezuela, the Dominican, Cuba, Puerto Rico, etc., it'll probly be bigger than the second coming of Jesus Christ.
I just think the Major League Baseball regular season is good enough, and I don't want it, or the health of my favorite players, jeopardized by a meaningless tournament.
Plus, I think it's just promoting segregation.
Why do we have to keep labeling the players we root for as Venezuelan, Dominican or Puerto Rican? I don't care where they're from. Why are we always trying to seperate them?
I remember last year at the Home Run derby they had all the players play for their country, and when you watched the derby you just had all the American guys on one side, keeping to themselves, and all the Latin guys on the other, speaking Spanish and doing the same. It made for an uncomfortable scene.
Plus the rules on this thing have been stretched to absurdity, as anyone who's last name ends in a vowel - Piazza, Delucci, etc., are playing for Italy, Mark Mulder is on the roster for the Netherlands, etc., even though none of these guys have ever set foot in Europe.
Hey, how about a "Skin-tone classic"?
Just think, Torii Hunter and the Bruthas vs Justin Morneau and the Crackas!
Oooh, the drama!
Or a World Faith Classic, where Shawn Green leads the Jews against Roberto Alomar and the Catholics!
This is stupid, and the only Americans who will care are the same sunshine sports fans who watch the Olympics and the media drones who are forced to cover the damn thing.
The good news is it already has the makings of a failure, as big name players are taking their names off the list in droves (Joe Mauer just withdrew - thank God) and tickets are selling like Herpes brand lip-stick.
The World Series is a World Series because Major League Baseball clubs are made up of the best players in the World. Otherwise, Manny Ramirez, Johan Santana, Ichiro Suzuki, Vladimir Guerrero, David Ortiz, etc. would be playing in the leagues of their respective countries instead of coming here.
You know what I hope happens?
I hope Alex Rodrigues tears his ACL in the first game, and George Steinbrenner sues Bud Selig's ass off.
Then maybe this ridiculous ploy to cheat poverty-stricken Latin fans out of money they don't have, will come to an end.
* Matthew LeCroy signed a one-year deal with Washington.
I'm happy for him. Glad he didn't have to go play in Japan or something.
The guy's slow and a liability with the glove, but he can mash lefties.

Sierra, Lil' Nicky, and McHale's Navy

It's not often you can say about a guy, "Boy, I wish we'd had him 20 years ago", but in the case of Ruben Sierra, you can.
When Joe Mauer was in pre-school, Ruben Sierra was emerging as one of the game's most dangerous hitters.
Now Mauer will occasionally be batting in front of him.
I don't think it's a bad move necessarily, in that Sierra is a veteran, a switch-hitter, and he still has power.
He's a better option off the bench than Terry Tiffee or Glenn Williams.
But on the same day Sierra signed with the Twins, Russell Branyan signed with the Devil Rays.
The Devil Rays!
I'm not saying Branyan is the answer to all our problems, but he's 29 (Sierra is 40) and had a .378 OBP and .490 SLG last year.
Sierra posted a sub-.300 OBP for the second straight year, and hit just four homers in 170 at-bats.
To be honest, I think he'll struggle to make the team. On the other hand, Gardy seems to loathe rookies after what happened last year, so I think Sierra and Tony Batista, who both signed minor league contracts, are virtual locks to make the team.
If nothing else, putting Sierra in the Randy Bush-Midre Cummings-Jose Offerman role might end up working out just fine.
*On a side note, last week the Twins re-upped with Nicky Punto.
Fuckin' hooray.
I don't think anybody epitomized the failure of last year's Twins more than this guy. They wanted soooo bad for him to be some kind of shortstop version of Lenny Dykstra, only one problem - he can't hit for shit.
You constantly hear about how he "hustles" and what a "gamer" he is.
Guess what? Nobody gives a shit. Sliding into first base may get the front of your jersey all dirty and make you look cool to chicks that don't know anything about sports, but it doesn't make you a good baseball player. In fact, it makes you stupid. Incredibly stupid if you're injury prone like Punto is.
Congratulations to Punto on being good at two things: getting hit by pitch, and getting dirty. Two things most fat little-leaguers also possess the ability to succeed at.
Last year this black-hole of a baseball player managed to eat up 394 at-bats, which is unforgivable.
In those 394 at-bats he batted .239, with 4 homers, 26 RBIs, and 18 doubles (a .301 OBP and .335 SLG). He struck out a lot, and walked a little.
Oh, but he's fast, you say.
How's 13 steals in 21 attempts then? Shitty. According to most of the math nerds, you're only helping your team by stealing bases if you're successful 70% of the time at the very, very least.
Lil' Nicky: 61.9 %.
But he's a good fielder, you say.
Well, he did actually post good defensive numbers last year, at both 2B and SS, but Luis Castillo and Juan Castro were both far better, and both, even the light-hitting Castro, were much better at the dish as well.
So where does the value lay with this guy? As a Denny Hocking-style utility player?
If Jason Bartlett is the starting SS then can't Castro fill that role?
Get rid of this clown. He sucks.
*Early returns on the Wolves-Celtics trade are pretty solid.
Marcus Banks should be the starting PG from here on out, and Mark Blount has already proven to be light-years better than Olowokandi. The knock on Blount is similar to the knock on Kandi - doesn't care - a stiff. And can't rebound.
He had 16 points, 10 boards and four blocks the other night, after having 18 points the prior game.
We're not even mentioning the main part of the deal, Ricky Davis for Wally, which will probably benefit both teams. Celtics needed a guy who can score with better than 40% accuracy, Wolves needed a more athletic swingman. Mission accomplished.
Justin Reed may not be anything special, but he at least gives the Wolves some more depth in the frontcourt.
It's still waaaayy early to judge, but so far it looks like McHale made his team, at the very least, a lot more athletic.

Hamster Face: Who needs running backs?

This comment from Hamster Face about the running back free-agent pool is another reason that I hate him even though he hasn't called a single play as Vikings coach:

"We've kind of looked at the free agents that are out there. They're kind of journeyman guys. I know there's Edgerrin James out there. He'll come with a big-ticket price. Jamal Lewis. He'll come with a big-ticket price," Hamster face said. "What we've done in Philadelphia is kind of done it by committee. So if we can't find that guy, that's the lead dog, that can do it 25 or 30 times a game, we'll go ahead and spread it around a little and keep everybody fresh."

Yeah, who wants Edgerrin James, or Jamal Lewis, or Preist Holmes, or Shaun Alexander (the fucking league MVP!)?
It's not like we're $30 million under the cap - oh, wait, we are. Maybe we can sign Duce Staley.
In case you're an idiot, I'll point out to you that the Eagles have had a terrible running game throughout the entire coaching tenure of Andy Reid. Their best running back is Donovan McNabb. So I'm sure glad that Hamster face is ready to go that same route in Minny.

Update: McHale makes a move

Wally Szczerbiak has been traded to the Celtics, along with Michael Olowokandi and Dwane Jones for Ricky Davis, Mark Blount, Marcus Banks and a couple draft picks. The Wolves also apparently traded Nikoloz Tskitishvilli to Phoenix for a pick. No one noticed.
Wally was having his best season, averaging 20.1 ppg on 51 % shooting, while Olowokandi had gone completely in the toilet.
Having said that Ricky Davis is only slightly less crazy than Ron Artest, and an only slightly better all around player than Wally. He's a better defender, but not as reliable on offense.
Blount is a stiff, but maybe not as stiff as Kandi-man.
Basically I have no opinion of this trade other than I'll kind of miss Wally.
Paul Pierce would've been better. Or Steve Francis.
I don't see how this makes the Wolves better, really. Although it's clear that KG and Wally still weren't getting along, so maybe that pushed the deal.

Two Great Players....One good exec

That's what you see in the photo at left.
Since the T-Wolves never won more than 29 games before Kevin McHale began running the show, I guess he technically deserves credit for bringing the Wolves out of the abyss and into respectability.
But even that requires giving him a big benefit of the doubt.
If you caught any of the Wolves 107-87 loss to Memphis on Wednesday night, you saw a bad team hitting bottom.
The Wolves have two impact players, one of whom (Szczerbiak) is still overrated, a couple of wild cards (Eddie Griffin and Rashad McCants) and a bunch of guys whose trading cards aren't worth a nickel.
Back when the CBA was a credible league, most of today's T-Wolf roster would've fit in perfectly.
Flip Saunders, I probably don't need to point out, has like a 95-1 record with Detroit. Or something like that.
I like McHale, but enough is enough. He's gotta go. He's the problem.
Pluses on McHale's resume include drafting Kevin Garnett, drafting Wally Szczerbiak, drafting Ray Allen (who he traded for Stephon Marbury) and, well, that's about it.
He also drafted Paul Grant, William Avery, Ndudi Ebi and Rashad McCants.
The devastating Joe Smith fiasco happened on his watch, though owner Glen Taylor also deserves a lot of blame there, too.
I won't blame McHale for trading Marbury for Terrell Brandon, because he didn't have any choice. He got what he could there.
But he did choose Brandon over both Bobby Jackson (6th man of the year) and Chauncey Billups (NBA Finals MVP). These are probably the two biggest black eyes on his record.
I liked the additions of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell at the time, and I don't think you can blame McHale for them flaming out as fast as they had caught fire.
But when McHale fired Flip last year, he was essentially choosing Sam and Spree over Flip. The Wolves were losing last year because Flip lost those two players. While it seemed at least somewhat logical at the time, it's apparent now what a grave mistake that was, given that Sam and Spree were both shown the door the minute the season ended.
Fired the coach in favor of two players who only spent two more months with the club. Ouch.
I was perfectly willing to give Dwane Casey a chance as the Wolves coach. He seems like a classy, intelligent guy who has worked hard for his shot at a job.
But at the moment he appears to be overwhelmed by the job, and perhaps not creative enough to find ways to cure his teams ills.
He hasn't been able to reach Olowokandi, he doesn't seem to know what to make of Marko Jaric, the 6-foot-7 point guard, and he seems to be pulling the B.S. about Trenton Hassell being the next Ron Artest.
As much as he has failed as a GM, McHale wasn't a bad coach last year (19-12). At this point it looks like the team might have been better off if he'd kept the job.
But assembling the roster over the past few years has been a disaster. McHale's only successful draft picks were no brainers. Anyone would've taken Garnett or Allen or Szczerbiak.
Nowadays, the NBA draft is more like the baseball draft. You draft teenagers based on them being able to develop and help your team in a couple years.
If you look at the NBA scoring leaders right now, you'll see a bunch of unfamiliar names.
Guys that we all knew to nothing about on the day they were drafted, but are quietly becoming the next generation of the league's superstars.
That's because the other teams have figured it out. You have to scout. You have to look hard. And you have to develop those players once you get them.
Every year you look at the draft and say, 'There's nobody good out there, the draft is a waste, etc.' That is proving to be untrue. The impact players are still out there - they're just not as obvious as they once were. Some teams are finding them. The Wolves are not.
They also continue to fail in getting the most out of Garnett. Most scouts still say that from a total package standpoint, Garnett is the best player in the league. He can literally do it all.
Or can he?
Why can't he score more than 22 points a game?
Did anyone even realize that Garnett is currently leading the NBA in FG%?
Here's an idea: If your best player is the best shooter in the league, maybe he should shoot more.
I'm tired of hearing about how well Garnett 'distributes the ball' and 'gets his teammates involved.'
His teammates suck.
They need to be less involved.
Look at Kobe. He knows his teammates suck. Some nights he works to make them better. Other nights, when he realizes they're not getting it done, he takes over and scores 81.
I'm not saying KG can score 81 a game, but there should be more nights where he makes like Kobe and says, 'To hell with you jokers, I'm taking us home.'
Instead the Wolves continue to struggle. Struggle to win games and struggle to find an identity.
They're hard to watch.
Trading KG is not the answer. Firing McHale, and possibly Casey with him, is.

Kobe vs. MJ

Screw the Steelers and Seahawks, the biggest news in the sports world Sunday was Kobe Bryant putting up 81 - 81! against the Raptors.
It's the second highest total ever, and if you consider that Bryant is competing on a much more level playing field than was Wilt Chamberlain, it was the most impressive offensive performance in the history of the sport.
Normally the words 'ball hog' might come into play here, but the Lakers really don't have much besides No. 8, and both Kobe and Phil Jackson acknowledged that the other Lakers were 'lethargic'.
And here's the thing - Kobe hit 61 percent of his shots from the floor. He was 28 of 46 from the floor (including 7 of 13 from 3-point range) and 18 of 20 from the line. An amazing night.
In case you were wondering, Michael Jordan's career-high was 69.
And speaking of Jordan, this game will no doubt continue to spark the debate: Is Kobe the next Jordan? Is he, or will he eventually be, better than Jordan?
I think the numbers say that no, he's not, but, hey, Kobe does seem like he's got more suprises up his sleeve.
Kobe, at this very moment, is averaging 35.9 points per game, 5.6 rebounds per game, 4.3 assists per game, 1.3 steals and 0.5 blocks. He's shooting 45 percent from the floor, 84 percent from the line, and 34 percent from downtown.
For a little comparison, let's look at MJ's peak years, 1987-1990.
1987 - 37.1 points, 5.2 rebs, 4.6 ass, 2.9 steals, 1.5 blocks. 48% FG, 86%FT.
1988 - 35.0 points, 5.5 rebs, 5.9 ass, 3.2 stels, 1.6 blocks, 54%FG, 84%FT
1989 - 32.5 points, 8.0 rebs, 8.0 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.8 blocks, 54%FG, 85%FT
1990 - 33.6 points, 6.9 rebs, 6.3 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.7 blocks, 52%FG, 85%FT
Clearly, Kobe doesn't compare to MJ from a 'total package' perspective. Jordan's shooting percentages were ridiculous for a guard, as were his rebounds and blocks. He nearly averaged a triple-double in '89. And Jordan was not only the league's most dangerous scorer, he was easily the best defender as well.
So, no I don't think you can argue that Kobe is as good of a player as MJ was.
But he might be as good a scorer.
Kobe appears to be able to score in big bunches whenever he wants, regardless of the opponent, a very Jordan-like quality.
It seemed like whenever Jordan was pissed or wanted to make a point, he'd go out and score 55 almost on cue. That's what Kobe does.
Jordan's absurdly high FG% was a product of his physical strength and defensive ability, which created a lot of fast-break points and dunks and lay-ups on penetrations.
Kobe has some of that ability, but to a much lesser extent. He shoots a lot, and he shoots from everywhere. What he may have that MJ never did, is the ability to catch fire from outside, which makes him unstoppable for certain spurts.
Kobe has a lot more range, and when he gets hot from outside, no amount of double and triple teams can stop him. That's why he scored 81 points and MJ never did. Jordan could never get that hot with his jumper.
Jordan, it should be pointed out, didn't add the 3-pointer to his game until he had to, due to age.
In '87, when MJ scored a career-high 3,041 points - the last player to eclipse 3,000 - he made 12 3-pointers all year. 12!
It wasn't until 1990 that he started shooting them regularly, hitting 92.
So really, thirty-something Jordan did look a lot like modern-day Kobe. Threatening to drive more than he actually did it, and living off fade-away jumpers and 3-pointers.
And that's where the comparison comes from.
People forget how unstoppable MJ was in his early to mid 20's.
They remember how he looked late in his career: Kobe-esque.
Kobe is an unbelievable player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he threatens Wilt's 100-point game. I also wouldn't be surprised if he becomes the first player other than Wilt to average 40 for a season.
But even if he does, he won't be the same player Jordan was.
There are four athletes in history who have dominated their sports like nobody else in history:
Wilt, Jordan, Babe Ruth and Wayne Gretzky.
Unless Kobe starts racking up triple-doubles and defensive player of the year awards, he won't make that list.

The Cowardly Lion....er, Viking

Daunte Culpepper has had a tough time pretty much since he first came to the Vikings.
He spent his rookie year as a 4th string QB behind Jeff George, Randall Cunningham and Todd Bouman. He played sparingly in the pre-season, and when he looked understandably green, fans started to grumble that he was a poor pick. We never stopped hearing about Jevon Kearse and how the Vikes erred in passing him up.
Of course he proved them wrong over the next five years, putting up mostly outstanding numbers, despite having issues with turnovers.
In 2005, he had what was, in my opinion, the single greatest all-around season any QB has ever had in the league.
Yet Vikings fans, never trusting of a QB who isn't pale skinned, still refused to open their arms to Culpepper.
That fan distrust was made even more obvious this year with the way Vikings fans fell all over themselves to praise the work of Brad Johnson.
Johnson did what a backup QB should do, and yes, Culpepper could certainly learn a lot from the veteran about playing under control and protecting the football.
Yet keep this in mind: Daunte made seven starts this year, five against quality teams (Tampa, Cincy, Chicago, Carolina and Atlanta). He lost all five and played poorly in all five. In the two games Pep played against poor teams (GB, N.O.) he played great and the Vikings won.
Johnson pretty much followed the same trend, but the easy part of the schedule fell on his watch.
Johnson had much less to do with the Vikings turnaround then did a favorable schedule and an improved defense.
But the fans didn't see it that way. They filled call-in shows with pleas to dump Daunte and committ to BJ.
And Daunte heard them.
This week Daunte's camp reportedly asked for a raise, which, of course, makes no sense with Culpepper coming off his worst year and worst injury.
He knows it makes no sense, that's why he asked.
Because he wants out.
And he hopes this'll force the team's hand, because he knows he's never getting a raise.
He has given up on trying to make the Vikings his team.
For as much as the Vikings have tried to annoint Daunte as their leader, he is clearly incapable of such.
He's a baby.
Instead of manning up to his own poor choices in the love-boat incident (regardless of how guilty he actually is),he has chosen to blame the Star Tribune.
Instead of saying, 'Hey I had a bad year. My bad.', he's asked for more money.
Instead of meeting his new coach face to face(a coach who, as far as I can tell, was only hired for Daunte's benefit, because of his work with Donovan McNabb, a QB with similar skills), he took 10 minutes to call him on his cell phone.
Instead of honoring Mike Tice's request to try to spark the team by speaking to them prior to a game late in the season, he refused.
Some leader.
As I mentioned, fans in this area have never given Daunte a fair shake, and in that regard I definitely feel for him. But he's a pro. A handsomely paid one at that.
His job is not to make people love him. His job is to win. To be a leader.
And he has failed.
Having said that, he's got no leverage here. (Nor does BJ, who has 3 years left on his deal.)
If I thought the Vikings could get a 1st round pick for him, I'd favor trading Daunte tomorrow. They'd then have 2 1st rounders, one of which they could trade to San Diego for Phillip Rivers. Then let him and BJ battle it out.
But due to the injury, the sex-scandal and his recent pouting, teams looking to acquire Daunte won't dream of offering anything good for him.
So I don't know exactly where that leaves the Vikes.
My guess is Daunte will realize he's backed himself into a corner and come back with his tail between his legs.
And while I don't really support the hiring of Brad Childress, I have a pretty good feeling he's the right guy to get Daunte back to the player he was under Scott Linehan.
Let's just hope Daunte was watching those games with BJ at the helm.
See what happens when you just take the sack Daunte? Interceptions are bad.

The All Unemployed Team

Courtesy of ESPN's Jayson Stark.
1B -- Tino Martinez
2B -- Bo Hart
SS -- Dueling Alex Gonzalezes
3B -- Russell Branyan
LF -- Ruben Sierra
CF -- Alex Sanchez
RF -- Sammy Sosa
C -- Bengie Molina
DH -- Frank Thomas

Starting Rotation -- Roger Clemens, Jeff Weaver, Josh Fogg, Ismael Valdez, Wade Miller.

Bullpen -- Ugueth Urbina, Antonio Alfonseca, Rick White, Paul Quantrill, Buddy Groom.

Bats off the bench -- Richard Hidalgo, Matt LeCroy, Erubiel Durazo, Scott Hatteberg, Daryle Ward, B.J. Surhoff.

Utility brigade -- Royce Clayton, Jose Hernandez, Rey Sanchez, Jeff DaVanon, Ramon Martinez, Willie Harris, Denny Hocking.

Future Hall of Famer -- Mike Piazza

Available for one at-bat (pick your spot) -- Juan Gonzalez

Congressional witness -- Rafael Palmeiro

Humor aside, there are at the very least a half dozen names on this list that could help the Twins tremendously in 2006.

The Bears - No Playoffs For You

When Ditka was coach and McMahon was under center, the Bears were a great team.
A manly team that won the big game.
A team you respected.
However in light of yet another season in which the Bears used great defense, an easy schedule and a lot of luck to win the NFC North, only to go 1 and done in the playoffs (just like everyone knew they would) I say it's time Paul Tagliabue did the right thing and banned the Chicago Bears from NFL Playoff eligibility.
No matter what happens in the regular season, no matter their record, they can't go.
Too many times they've wasted a spot in the tournament that would have been better suited for a team that actually has a chance to win a game in the playoffs.
This year, for example, the Chargers, Chiefs, Cowboys, Dolphins, Falcons and Vikings all would have given a better post-season showing.
So next year if they go 13-3 you just say, "Nice going guys, see ya next September" and let in some 7-9 team that scored more than 8 points a game and doesn't have a couple of stiffs at QB.
Don't get me wrong, if the Bears actually develop an offense, or at least something that would lead any sane person to believe they had more than a 10% chance to win in January, they can petition to the commisioner for re-instatement, a la Pete Rose.
And, as with Rose, they should then be denied.

On hamster face, boner-nose and the Bush administration

I'm not going to bore anyone with political stuff here, but one thing you can't deny about George W. is his willingness to hand out jobs on his staff to people with whom he has a past personal connection to.
I'm sure in some cases this has worked out fine, but I don't think I need to mention the cases in which it has not.
Which leads me to Brad Childress (or hamster face, as I will call him in reference to the gigantic thing on his upper lip, which goes so well with his shiny bald dome) - new coach of the Vikings.
Apparently hamster face's idea of assembling a credible staff is hiring everyone he worked with at Wisconsin and Northern Arizona. He has so far engaged in little more than croneyism when it comes to the hiring of his assistant coaches.
I'll give them a chance, I guess, but doesn't anyone else think that's a lazy and potentially dangerous way of doing things?
Say what you want about Mike Tice, but his top assistants (Linehan, Cottrell and special teams coach Rusty Tillman) were guys who Tice had never worked with previously. He didnt hire them because they were his buddies, he hired them because he thought they were the best guys for the job. In fact, Tice deserves full credit for 'discovering' Linehan, who was an assistant at Louisville when Tice decided to give him a chance. Now Linehan appears to be headed towards a head coaching job of his own.
Hamster face's excuse has been that everyone will agree on the system, things will run smoothly and everyone will be on the same page, etc., etc., but that smells like a load of crap to me.
There are a lot of people out there who think highly of hamster face, but I don't see any reason to be excited about him. As Philly's OC, he didn't call the plays (Andy Reid did) and the Eagles offense was only good once (when some T.O. fella was catching passes).
Owner Zygi Wilf (or boner-nose, as I will call him for obvious reasons) doesn't know a thing about football, so I will absolutely not give him the benefit of the doubt for his first hiring.
"(Hamster face) is a winner," is what Boner-Nose said at the press conference announcing the hiring. Based on what? is my question.
Like I said, I'll give him a chance, and I hope he does well. He's inherting an already pretty good team. But let's not start trusting this guy to do anything other than house tiny insects in his face.

Koskie Redux?

Though they initially denied any interest, the Twins are in fact, discussing a deal for a 3B with Toronto.
While I'd rather have Shea HIllenbrand, the deal is centering around Corey Koskie, with the Jays offering to pick up a very large chunk of salary.
It sounds like the Twins want to do the deal, but they may have to trade Kyle Lohse to clear up the payroll space.
I'm cautiously optimistic, as Koskie is better than Batista overall, but Batista's power is intriguing.
I hope that if they do get Koskie that they don't release Batista. Especially since you know Koskie won't stay healthy all year.

*Vikings update: Coaches that would not be a step forward after firing Tice - Jim Fassell, Wade Phillips, Dan Reeves, Ted Cottrell, Al Saunders, Brad Childress, Mike Singletary.
Coaches who I'd be excited about: Jim Schwartz, Ron Rivera, Jim Haslett, Steve Mariucci, Tim Lewis, Maurice Carthon.
Best guess? They hire Childress - an Andy Reid disciple.

Maybe something could still happen

With the Twins infield.
The Toronto Blue Jays continued their off season spending spree when they traded for 3B Troy Glaus.
THe Blue Jays now have 44 third basemen on their roster.
Actually, that's only a slight exaggeration.
The Jays have Glaus, Corey Koskie, Shea Hillenbrand, Eric Hinske and Aaron HIll all on their roster.
They're all third basemen and they're all better than Tony Batista.
The Jays know they have to trade at least one of them, figuring HIll can play short and two of the others can fill the 1B and DH roles.
But knowing that they HAVE to make a trade, they cant be too picky.
Kyle Lohse for Shea Hillenbrand anyone?
I know I said the Twins were done, and they still likely are, but I'd be shocked if T-Ry didn't at least inquire about one of these guys.
Any of them would be an upgrade, and then Batista could move to the bench, where his power would have value as a RH-PH.

MNF - ESPN will probably screw it up

I'll admit that I'm a sucker for nostalgia, but even so, the end of Monday Night Football on ABC is, to me, a big deal.
I've never been big on watching football games that don't involve the Vikings, but MNF has always been an exception. I've watched at least 10 Monday night games a year every year since probly 1987, and as the Jets-Pats game wound down - I realized how many amazing moments I've witnessed on Monday nights over the years.
My first memory of MNF goes back to a 49ers-Bears game from '86 or '87.
I had jumped on the Super Bowl Shufflin Bears bandwagon as a 5-year old, and although it had mostly worn off by then, I still had a small affinity for them.
I really liked receiver Willie Gault, and of course, Jim McMahon, Walter Payton and Fridge Perry.
Anyway, I remember my dad saying to me that the 49ers would beat the Bears "something like 41-0"
I thought he was crazy.
Final score that night?
49ers 41, Bears 0.
But there were so many other moments.
Bo Jackson burning past the Seahawks defense, down the sideline until he dissapeared into the tunnel.
Randall Cunningham amazingly shaking off Carl Banks to throw the winning touchdown.
Jim McMahon to Eric Gulliford to beat the Packers.
An ancient Joe Montana leading another improbable comeback, this time as a Chief, to beat Elway and the Broncos.
Brett Favre's 99 yard TD pass to Robert Brooks.
Frank Gifford pronouncing 'Monday' 'Mondee'
Dennis Miller.
Randy Moss's coming-out party to end the Packers home winning streak.
Deion Sanders finding a way to make a game-changing play every time he was on MNF.
Painfully watching Eric Dickerson's sideline reports.
The guy who jumped out of the stands to catch a field goal kick, and falling God knows how far to the ground - with the ball in tow.
The Jets huge comback from down 30-8 against the Dolphins.
Jerry Rice staging his own personal track meet against the Vikings - more than once.
Vikings-Packers - Antonio Freeman, Chris Dishman - you know the play.
Hank Williams, Jr.
Raider RB Napolean McCallum's knee bending the WRONG way in one of the most gruesome injuries ever.
The T.O. - Desperate Housewives thing.
Every former Buckeye saying they played at THE Ohio State University.
Dan Deardorf overstating the talent of everyone in the NFL.
Dan Deardorf saying 'Lord take me now, I've seen it all.' What a retard. (THough I should point out I never hated him as much as most people did)
Truthfully, any NFC Central or NFC North game that was ever played on Monday Night. I'll admit I'm biased, but I think every NFL fan outside this division is being cheated. There is simply nothing like football in the NFC North. It's what the NFL is all about.
While the Bo Jackson run and the Joe Montana pass to (I think it was Willie Davis) to beat Denver are the individual plays that stand out the most to me, the personal performance I'll never forget is without a doubt Brett Favre's superhuman effort against the Raiders two days after the death of his father. He had something like 400 yards and 5 touchdowns, and the Packers ripped the Raiders. It was unbelieveable, and like almost everything on this list, I'll never forget it.
MNF will continue on ESPN, and in most ways, it will be relatively the same.
But it still won't be.
Little kids won't be able to watch in secret on tiny black and white antenna Tv's, praying their parents don't hear it, like I did growing up. Or in the garage, or the kitchen, or anywhere else there's no cable.
The game will no longer be followed by your local news, it will be followed by Sportscenter, and that will be annoying, as will the ESPN commercials.
To me, what sums up just how special MNF was, is the spooky way it's death mirrored its birth.
The score of the first MNF game ever, in 1969, was 31-21. The losing team was the Jets.
Tonights score? 31-21. Losing team? J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

It's Over (Plus more '06 lineup)

I'm surprised at how hard I took the Vikings loss to the Ravens tonight.
The Vikings have fallen to a very distant second behind the Twins when it comes to my favorite sports teams, but for some reason, I liked this team.
Maybe because they finally had a reasonable defense, maybe because of their improbable rise from the dead to contention, maybe because I pull for Mike Tice.
Or maybe because they simply should've won this won. And then they should've beat the Bears to make the playoffs. I was sure it would happen. How could they lose to the Ravens?
30-23? (don't you WISH you bet the over).
Ironic, too, that that was the score when most people (myself included) figured it would take probably 17 points to win. I figured for a low-scoring game, and if an offense like the Vikings' (it's worse than you think it is) can score 23 points against the Raven's D - that should be a win every time.
And if Kyle Boller can have that kind of night, maybe the Vikes D still needs some work.
I'm not sure if Tice should be back - that probably depends on what the alternatives are.
But the defense, while far from fixed, is finally showing signs, so in that vein, now might not be a good time to blow the thing up and start over.
I'm just dissapointed, because I don't know what I'm going to watch now.
The Wolves are tough to get a read on, and I don't get that excited about them, anyway. (Although Wally sure is having a helluva year)
The Wild are an average team, and I don't know if I'm enough of a hockey fan to watch an average team.
Gophers? Well, okay they beat South Dakota State (I thought they'd lose) but I'm not impressed with them either.
Go Augie, I guess.
* I thought a little more about the Twins lineup next year, and cameup with a couple that I like (though I stress these are my ideas, not something I actually expec to see)

Castillo
Mauer
Stewart
White
Morneau
Hunter
Cuddyer
Batista
Bartlett
I like this one, because while Stewart's OBP and steals have been in decline, his skill with runners in scoring position isn't. As bad a year as he had last year, he was still the one guy who appeared to have a clue about how to get a hit in a tough spot. Putting him in the 3-hole not only lessens the effect of his faults, it magnifies his strenghts. Castillo and Mauer are both OBP machines. Having them 1-2 seems almost like a no-brainer.
Or...
Castillo
Mauer
White
Morneau
Hunter
Cuddyer
Stewart
Batista
Bartlett
White is capable of hitting 3-hole, especially if Morneau emerges. And if Morneau does indeed step up, he has to be hitting 4th in my opinion.
Stewart would go from an average to below average leadoff man to an above average 7-hitter.

2006 - The Lineup

The Twins added Rondell White, and I'm pretty pumped. He might not be as big a name as Frank Thomas, Mike Piazza or Jim THome, but he's probably a better signing.
His only downside has been injuries, and the Twins plan to buffer that by making him a full-time DH. His contract is also heavily incentive laden, which protects them from having to pay him $8 million for 150 at-bats.
If he plays 140 games, White will likely hit in the .280-.300 range, with 25 homers and 100 RBIs.
Make no mistake, though, this is it. The Twins are done adding players. With the addition of Denny Reyes to fill the lefty role previously occupied by JC Romero, the Twins roster is pretty much set.
Assuming Batista doesn't totally bomb in spring training, I'm guessing the lineup will look something like this.
LF - Shannon Stewart
2B - Luis Castillo
C - Joe Mauer
DH - Rondell White
CF - Torii Hunter
1B - Justin Morneau
3B - Tony Batista
RF - Michael Cuddyer/Jason Kubel/Lew Ford
SS - Jason Bartlett
* A few comments: I'd put a microscope on Shannon Stewart. I think there's a 30% chance that he's DONE. He could bounce back, and if he does the Twins lineup can be very dangerous. But if he's hitting .270 on June 1st, I'd replace him with Kubel and let Cuddy stay in right (unless of course, Cuddyer is sucking, too.) Remember, Stewart no longer steals any bases, and is one of the 5 worst defensive OF's in the big leagues. He has to hit .300 (with about a .375 OBP) to be worth an everday spot.
And speaking of the OF, I don't care if Lew Ford bats .700 in spring training, I wouldn't let him start in RF. He's a perfect fourth outfielder - that's where he should stay.
I'd bat White 4th, but I'd have Morneau right behind him. Gardy will surely bat him behind Hunter, and maybe even behind Batista, because he doesn't know how to make a lineup. If Morneau finally comes around though, it'll be a moot point.
Speaking of Batista, he should be batting 8th, because no matter how many HR's he hits, he'll make a ton of outs. Even if Cuddyer struggles again, he'll still get on base much more, so he should be 7th.
Alot of people are ripping on Batista, most of it deserved, but if he hits 30 homers in the 8-hole, it won't matter to me that his OBP is only .280.
*Joe Mays signed with KC. I wouldn't expect him to have a big year, but I wouldn't be one bit surprised if he shut out the Twins three times next year.

Tony Batista

Is not a guy I'm too excited about.
Will he hit homeruns?
Yes.
Will he make so many outs in his other plate appearances to render most of those homeruns useless?
Very possibly.
The guy with the stupid batting stance hit 32 homers in 2004 with the Orioles, yet couldn't find a job in 2005.
He played in Japan.
Where he posted a very poor .293 OBP.
Defensively (he's a third basemen) he is average at best, harmful to a team's defense at worst.
I realize that when they lost out on Bill Mueller they didn't have a lot of options, but geez, they'd be better off going with Cuddyer again.
One Twins blogger called this the worst transaction in Twins history - I wont go that far. He also called Batista one of the five worst hitters in the league (his 32 homers notwithstanding). Again, I think too harsh.
I'm willing to give the guy a chance.
One thing I will say is that while adding a slap hitter like Tony Graffanino was probably, deep down, a wiser move, I still prefer this. Batista has and will hit homeruns. He at least makes pitchers pay for mistakes, and keeps them honest.
Graffanino and the like are fine players, but they still kind of seem like utility infielders. Even if they are good ones, I'm tired of utility infielders.
This guy has power. Alot will probably depend on where he bats in the order and if the Twins add Piazza (or bring back Jacque Jones again, for that matter).
If he can keep his glove on, hit 30 homers and by the grace of God get on base 30% of the time - well, it still wouldn't be that great of a move.
Let's just hope that we don't pair this guy with Rob Deer at DH.