Minnesota Twins 2006 Season Preview

As recently as a month ago, I was convinced that for the first time since 2001 I would pick someone other than the Twins to win the AL Central.
Last year my gut told me that the Twins had too many new and young players, but everyone else in the world was picking them to go the World Series, so I got suckered in.
This year I thought all winter that the White Sox would return as the best team in baseball.
But as spring training has wore on, I just don't have a good feeling about them.
This year, the Sox are the hunted, not the hunter. The Twins on the other hand, are the underdog. And anyone who's followed this team for a lengthy period knows that if there's a role they respond well to, it's that of underdog. I think the Twins will come out on top of a highly competitive American League Central division thanks to the best pitching in the league and an improved offensive attack and improved defense.
This is what I don't get about those who dismiss the Twins as a second division club: They weren't bad last year. They went 83-79. There are a lot of teams that would consider an 83 win season a wild success.
Their pitching, which was great last year, will be even better. Joe Mays is gone, Terry Mulholland is gone, JC Romero is gone. Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano are in, and Brad Radke and Carlos Silva are healthy.
Meaning all they have to do to improve on their 83 wins is add some offense. Not a ton. Just a little.
And I just don't see how even the most pessimistic person could look at the lineup and not think it will be much better this year. Not just because of Rondell White and Luis Castillo.
Think about it.
Do you really think Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau won't have breakout type seasons this year?
Do you think Torii Hunter won't have 25 homers and 25 steals if he doesn't break his ankle again?
Do you really think a RF platoon of Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel won't improve on Jacque Jones' .249 average and 23 homers?
Before we get to that, here is a look at the team's opening day 25-man roster:
Starting Lineup:
LF Shannon Stewart
Spring training avg: .261
It's a make or break year (and a contract year) for Stewart. Considering he's a far inferior fielder to Lew Ford, he has to get his ass on base to keep his job. He was hurt most of last year. I'd be shocked if he didn't improve on last year's .274/.323 OBP numbers.
2B Luis Castillo
Spring avg: .356
A gold glove caliber fielder who will get on base a lot. He won't steal 50 bases ever again, but 25 is possible. A huge improvement over Nick Punto/Luis Rivas/Bret Boone.
C Joe Mauer
Spring avg: .362
Might be the best catcher in the game and he's just getting better.
.320 with 20 homers isn't out of the question.
DH Rondell White
Spring avg: .351
Just stay healthy, baby. White is to this team what Chili Davis was to the '91 team. If DH'ing can keep him off the DL, he'll hit .300 with 20 homers.
CF Torii Hunter
Spring avg: .280
Still something of an underachiever at the plate, but he's a consistent producer. As long as he's healthy, and before last year's freak injury he always has been, he'll hit .270 with 25 homers and 25 steals while playing CF as well as anyone in the world. He's also the leader of the clubhouse, something this team needs after last year.
1B Justin Morneau
Spring avg: .375
Might be the most important player in the lineup. There seems to be less pressure on him this year from the fans and media, and with Torii Hunter, Rondell White and Tony Batista surrounding him in the lineup, he doesn't have to feel like the only guy capable of driving in runs. I'm predicting 34 homeruns this season.
RF Michael Cuddyer
Spring avg: .500
He slugged .844 in 32 spring training AB's. That's why he's got the job. But this is it. With Jason Kubel ready to go, this has to be Cuddy's last chance to win a job. There's an outside chance he could hit .280 with 20 homers.
3B Tony Batista
Spring avg: .224
He hit a team-high 4 homers, otherwise his spring performance was unimpressive. He makes me nervous, but he does have power, which at the very least could change the way pitchers approach the guys hitting in front of him.
He will hit at least 30 homers if he stays in the lineup, I just worry that he won't be good enough to do so.
SS Juan Castro
Spring avg: .176
The Twins must be pretty confident in hitters 1-7, because the bottom two are out-making machines. However Castro, who earned the nod when Jason Bartlett was sent to the minors, is excellent with the glove, and the dirty little secret from last year was that the Twins fielding was as bad as it's been since I've been alive.
Bench
OF Lew Ford
An excellent fielder at all 3 spots. Can steal a base, has decent power and can draw a walk. If Shannon Stewart proves to be finished, the Twins could still compete with him in LF.
OF Jason Kubel
Another wild card. Has .300-20 homer potential. If he plays well enough out of the shoot, Ruben Sierra (currently on the DL) might never play a game as a Twin.
IF Nick Punto
Hated, hated, hated him as a starter. As a utility guy he has some upside. He can run, has a little power, is a switch hitter and can play pretty much any position but C-1B.
IF Luis Rodriguez
I really hope he stays on this team. Can play all 4 IF spots, and could probly fill in an OF corner spot if he had to. And he actually has a clue what to do with that wooden stick in his hands. Also a switch-hitter, he had a .338 OBP last year, which is pretty high going by utility IF standards.
C Mike Redmond
One of the best backup catchers in baseball. Gets it done behind the plate, is a terrific clubhouse guy, and hit .311 last year.
Starting Rotation:
LH Johan Santana
The best starter in the game. Period. It would be nice to see him pitch well in April for once, though, especially since the Twins have a difficult early schedule.
RH Brad Radke
Still underrated. Also a slow starter, but maybe the best big-game pitcher the team has had in my lifetime. When you really, really need a quality start, Radke delivers.
RH Carlos Silva
Pitched through an injury last year and still ranked 5th in AL ERA. This year he's healthy. He has the best control in the game, and is also perhaps the game's most economical pitcher. For a No. 3 you can't do better.
RH Kyle Lohse
Went 5-0 with a 2.42 ERA this spring. I'm not expecting him to win the Cy Young or anything, but Twins fans who've hated the guy (you know who you are) should keep an open mind. He may prove to be the best 4th starter in the league.
RH Scott Baker
Very impressive last year, posting a 3.35 ERA in 10 starts. That would've been 5th in the league if he qualified. And he's our fifth starter.
Bullpen
RH Matt Guerrier
An excellent 3.39 ERA last year, but much of it was mop-up duty. I'm pretty confident he'll be fine, and if he's not, there are plenty of options ready to replace him.
LH Francisco Liriano
One of the top two pitching prospects in the game, and I like the fact that they're working him in through the bullpen. Everyone compares him to Santana, and he seemed to benefit from the transition pretty well.
RH Willie Eyre
Has been very reliable in AAA, and at 27, he's ready. He should be fine as a mop-up guy.
RH Jessie Crain
Has been great since getting called up two years ago, but his very low strikeout numbers - he had just 25 K's in 80 innings last year - scare me. Still, he gets it done, and is equally tough against lefties and righties.
RH Juan Rincon
One of the top set-up guys in baseball. With nasty, nasty stuff, he's racked up 200 K's out of the bullpen over the last two years. He could easily be a top-flight closer, and I'd bet he could be a 15-game winner as a starter, too.
RH Joe Nathan
He's the equivalent of Santana in the bullpen, a five-star guy. Usually has one week-long slump where he struggles with command, otherwise his 97-mph fastball and 91-mph slider make him impossible to hit.
Breaking it down
The Twins pitching is gonna be great and the offense will, I think, do the job. Defensively they'll also be better. If you believe in being strong up the middle (I do), you can't do much better than Mauer, Castro-Castillo and Hunter.
Everyone who dismisses the Twins does so because they're not impressed by Tony Batista, Rondell White and Luis Castillo.
They're missing the point.
This team is going to be better because of a healthy Torii Hunter and the emergence of Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Jason Kubel. Anything the three newcomers add (which I'm guessing will be substantial) is an added bonus.
They also have a nice bench, with Ford and Kubel giving them two good bats.
The Good: Excellent and deep rotation, loaded bullpen, very strong up the middle defensively. Best offensive players are still in the early stages of their careers.
The Bad: Two sub-.300 OBP guys at the bottom of the order, many of the starters could wash out as easily as they could shine.
Best-case scenario: Mauer and Morneau become two of the game's brightest stars, while White, Hunter and Batista each hit 25+ homers. Castro and Castillo are Gold Glove caliber up the middle, while Cuddyer and Kubel combine to far surpass Jacque Jones' production in right.
All five starters finish with an ERA under 4, and the bullpen is baseball's best. Twins win the pennant.
Worst-case scenario: Morneau proves that he's the next Randy Bush, not Kent Hrbek, Hunter, White and Castillo all battle injuries, while Batista is so bad the team turns to Terry Tiffee to play 3rd by June 1st. In a carbon copy of last year, punchless team finishes around .500
Minnesota Twins
Manager: Ron Gardenhire
Offense: B-
Defense: B
Starting Pitching: A
Bullpen: A-
Bench: B
Predicition: 91-71 AL Central Champs

AL Central Preview - The Sox

Does it matter that the White Sox are 7-19 in spring training?
That's a .269 winning percentage - not exactly setting the tone for a title defense.
Nearly every baseball publication I've come across has picked the Sox to get back to the World Series - and why not?
The Red Sox and Yankees are ancient with crappy pitching, while Chicago added Jim Thome and Javier Vazquez.
(The fact that they lost their excellent CF and have no bullpen, while the Twins and Tigers both look significantly improved apparently has gone unnoticed.)
But a close look at the Sox suggests that they won't be able to just cruise to the title.
The AL Central will be strong 1-4, and if they don't catch seemingly every break like they did a year ago, the Sox might struggle to repeat.
Probable Starting Lineup:
LF Scott Podsednik
2B Tadahito Iguchi
DH Jim Thome
1B Paul Konerko
RF Jermaine Dye
3B Joe Crede
C AJ Pierzynski
SS Juan Uribe
CF Brian Anderson
Starting Rotation:
LH Mark Buehrle
RH Freddy Garcia
RH Jose Contreras
RH Jon Garland
RH Javier Vazquez
Closer: Bobby Jenks
It would be fair to say, as many have, that the White Sox simply have the fewest amount of questions entering the season, which is a perfectly sound reason for favoring them.
On the other hand, this is a team for which nearly everything went right last year - and I have a hunch it won't go that way this time around.
And when it doesn't, how will the players respond to Ozzie Guillen's antics?
He's already called his closer, the unproven Bobby Jenks, a "fatass." (hey, at least he tells the truth) and he has a bad tendency to speak first without thinking of how his words might be perceived.
Personally, I thought the moment the Sox hired Guillen that he'd be a perfect fit. The Sox were a talented team that simply needed a kick in the ass - a manager to challenge them, rather than tell them how much better they were than the Twins like Jerry Manuel did. But now that he got them to win I wonder how he'll motivate them as favorites, rather than underdogs.
There are a few questions with this team, starting in CF, where rookie Brian Anderson replaces the vastly underrated Aaron Rowand. And who's the closer? The 290-pound Jenks, who had a great postseason but had done nothing in the bigs before that? With Dustin Hermanson injured and Damaso Marte and Luis Vizcaino gone, the Sox are seriously thin in the pen.
Last year perennial underachiever Jon Garland went 18-10 with a 3.50 ERA. Do you think he'll do that again? I don't.
I also have my doubts about 52-year old Cuban Jose Contreras, while Javier Vazquez, the 5th starter, is way overrated. Buehrle and Garcia are, however, as good as it gets 1-2.
Offensively, Jim Thome and Paul Konerko could be deadly in the 3-4 spots. I don't think Thome is the same player he was five years ago, but I don't think he's finished, either.
2B Tadahito Iguchi was the most underrated acquistion in all of baseball last year, helping to shore up what was once a terrible infield. However, Iguchi has been awful this spring, hitting below .150. It's possible that ML pitchers have adjusted to him.
LF Scott Podsednik is also battling injuries. He's another guy who could see a drop off in production in his second year in the AL.
C AJ Pierzynski is a lot like Ozzie. When you're winning everyone thinks he's funny and makes the clubhouse a better place. If things go bad, he's often made a scapegoat for problems. We'll see how things play out with him as well. Rob Mackowiak gives them a strong bench player.
The Good: Deep and balanced lineup, 5 starters capable of throwing 200 innings, defense has no gold glovers but no liabilities.
The Bad: Brian Anderson has very big shoes to fill in CF, bullpen could be the worst in the division if Jenks doesn't get it together.
Best-case scenario: Thome hits 40 homers in front of Konerko; Iguchi and Podsednik ignite the top of the order; Anderson has a rookie of the year type season replacing Rowand; Jenks saves 40; Garland and Contreras do it again; Vazquez settles in as the 5th starter. Sox go back to the series.
Worst-case scenario: A couple bad breaks early, combined with the strong play of the rest of the division, cause the Sox to press. Guillen's loud-mouth act wears thin, Thome goes on DL, Iguchi and Podsednik fall off some, Anderson goes back to AAA, bullpen is a disaster and bottom half of rotation bombs. Sox barely manage .500.
Chicago White Sox
Manager: Ozzie Guillen
Offense: A-
Defense: B
Starting Pitching: A-
Bullpen: C-
Bench: B
Prediction: 88-74 2nd in AL Central

Spring Training Notes

With opening day a week away, the Twins find themselves with several unresolved questions.
None of them are major, but they're enough to make a guy a little nervous.
Firstly, the leading candidates to win the two open jobs in the starting lineup both appear in danger of starting the year on the DL.
Michael Cuddyer, whose .500 avg this spring made him the runaway winner for the RF job, has a strained muscle that could mean Lew Ford will open the year in right.
One good thing that could come of it, though, is Jason Kubel making the team. If he plays well he could maybe be the everday guy by midseason, and let's face it, that's what we all want.
SS Jason Bartlett may also start the year on the DL, which would leave the job to Lil' Nicky Punto and Juan Castro - a somewhat dire situation.
At the very least Castro will be outstanding in the field, and to be honest, even if Bartlett was healthy there really hasn't been any reason to think he's going to be any better than Pat Meares ever was.
PH Ruben Sierra will not be ready for opening day, probably opening a spot for Luis Rodriguez or perhaps Terry Tiffee or Jason Tyner.
*In other news it looks like the two open bullpen spots are going to go to lefties Francisco Liriano (yes!) and Dennys Reyes.
Reyes will be the face-one-lefty guy, while Liriano (pictured) will be a second long man to go with Matt Guerrier.
Assuming Liriano does indeed make the team, it'll be the best thing to happen this spring. The Twins pen needs another power arm, and regardless of how they end up using him, he just gives them added depth.
*Tony Batista is batting .222 with a .255 OBP. I've tried to keep an open mind about Batista, but he's gonna have to hit 40 homers to tolerate a .255 OBP. His fielding has been okay and he can still get in better shape, but I wonder how much rope the Twins are gonna give him.
Guys like Jeff Cirillo, Tony Graffanino, Russ Branyan and others could probably be had fairly cheap.
*Kyle Lohse is 4-0 with a 2.15 ERA this spring. Ignore that 9-13 record he had last year - Lohse could be on the verge of becoming a major factor in the rotation. I know we've been hearing that for years, but he's coming off a season in which he lowered his ERA over a full run. He'd be a No.1 or No.2 on several teams.

AL Central Preview - Detroit Tigers

While I've maintained all spring that the Twins are getting overlooked and will be dangerous, the same could be said of the Motor City Kitties.
When I read what some are saying about this team, all I can think is, "Have you looked at their roster?"
They have an emerging pitching staff, the most underrated keystone combo in the sport, a nice bench, and a manager I think will have a positive effect on them.
Probable Starting Lineup:
CF Curtis Granderson
2B Placido Polanco
1B Chris Shelton
RF Magglio Ordonez
C Ivan Rodriguez
SS Carlos Guillen
DH Dmitri Young
LF Craig Monroe
3B Brandon Inge
Starting Rotation:
RH Jeremy Bonderman
LH Kenny Rogers
LH Mike Maroth
LH Nate Robertson
RH Justin Verlander
Closer: Todd Jones
There may not be two players in the AL as underrated as Polanco and Guillen. I just love these guys. Both are on-base machines with good power for a middle infielder, and both are excellent in the field.
I-Rod's career is on the downside, but he's still one of the top 10 catchers in the league, if not top 5.
Chris Shelton started last year in the minors and ended it hitting .299 with 18 homers in the bigs. Dmitri Young (.271, 21 HR), Craig Monroe (.277, 20 HR) and Brandon Inge (.261, 16 HR) make pretty good 7-8-9 hitters.
If I thought Magglio would play more than 100 games (I don't) I'd really like this team.
They could do better than Granderson in CF - I think I'd hit Guillen leadoff and Granderson 9th.
The bench has speed (Nook Logan is the fastest player in the game), power (Carlos Pena hit 18 HRs in 260 ABs last year) and defense (utility man Omar Infante, OF Marcus Thames and C Vance Wilson are all good with the leather).
On the mound, Bonderman is a stud, and the Gambler will have at least one more good year if he can leave the Detroit cameramen alone. A big key will be Maroth and Robertson pitching like 3rd starters, not 5th starters. And speaking of 5th starters, top prospect Justin Verlander gets the first crack. He's probably not ready just yet, but if he gives them anything it would be a nice boost.
The bullpen is questionable, but has lots of live arms.
Todd Jones was out of baseball a couple years ago; last year he had 40 saves and a 2.10 ERA. I doubt he'll duplicate that, but he'll be solid. Fireballers Franklyn German and Fernando Rodney need to get it together in middle relief, and if they do, they could combine with lefty Jamie Walker and righties Chris Spurling and 21-year old Joel Zumaya to do a decent job.
The Good: Very deep lineup, excellent defense, outstanding 1-2 starters, good bench.
The Bad: Several regulars have history of injuries, bullpen is unproven, 3-5 starters could be no better than average. Manager Jim Leyland has been out of baseball for almost a decade.
Best Case Scenario: Ordonez stays healthy and puts up MVP numbers, Shelton takes another step forward, I-Rod shows he's got plenty left in the tank, Maroth and Robertson have their best season, bullpen emerges and the Tigers win 90 games, competing for a playoff spot.
Worst Case Scenario: Ordonez, Young and Guillen spend significant time on DL, Rogers and I-Rod fade, back end of rotation fails, bullpen fails, Shelton has sophomore slump, Leyland is out of his element and the Tigers lose 90 games.
Detroit Tigers
Manager: Jim Leyland
Offense: B+
Defense: B
Starting Pitching: B-
Bullpen: C
Bench: B+
Predicition: 84-78 3rd in AL Central

AL Central Preview - Cleveland Indians

The Royals are so bad, that I'll admit I kind of half-assed their preview.
Now that we're moving into teams that actually have a shot to contend, I'm gettin serious. As serious as the 300-pound, fat-ass, Twins-hating lefty seen at right.
The Indians have probably the best collection of young talent in the division. Most of their best players have yet to reach their full potential.
They finished last year on fire, narrowly missing the playoffs at 93-69, so of course, they're a hip pick in the AL.
I don't see it. In fact, I think they're maybe the most overrated team in the league, and I expect them to drop off some from last year.
They've lost their No. 1 starter, their centerfielder and leadoff hitter, their fifth starter and two key relievers. The shakiest parts of their team; third base, right field and closer, all got a year older.
If the core of this team takes another step forward those things may not matter, but I'm predicting that the Indians will disappoint.
Probable Starting Lineup:
CF Grady Sizemore
SS Jhonny Peralta
C Victor Martinez
DH Travis Hafner
LF Jason Michaels/Todd Hollandsworth
1B Ben Broussard/Eduardo Perez
2B Ronnie Belliard
RF Casey Blake
3B Aaron Boone
Starting Rotation:
LH CC Sabathia
RH Paul Byrd
LH Cliff Lee
RH Jake Westbrook
RH Jason Johnson
Closer: Bob Wickman
The trade of Coco Crisp to the Red Sox for 3B prospect Andy Marte was a good one for the Tribe, but not short term. Crisp is a very underrated player who they'll miss at the top of the order. Meanwhile the bottom of their order has the potential to be terrible, as Broussard, Blake and Boone are more likely to fall further in decline than to step up. Jason Michaels could turn out to be a find in LF, but he could also end up being just a guy.
Make no mistake, though, Sizemore, Martinez, Hafner and Peralta are all offensive studs. Sizemore has a shot to be the next Griffey Jr.
The starting pitching will be pretty good even with the loss of Kevin Milwood, but the bullpen could be a weakness.
If Danny Graves can get back the magic that made him an All-Star in Cincinnatti that would help a lot, because I don't expect Bob Wickman to be as good as he was last year. He's way too hittable.
The Good: Terrific top half of the order, deep starting rotation.
The Bad: Bullpen is full of questions, corner infield and outfield spots are below par, Peralta is a below average fielder at SS.
Best Case Scenario: The core of the Indian lineup continues to blossom, with Sizemore, Martinez and Hafner all putting up MVP numbers. Michaels siezes his chance to be an everyday player, while Boone, Broussard and Blake re-establish themselves. Bullpen comes together and Wickman has another 40-save season. Indians win the pennant.
Worst Case Scenario: Young players experience a small hiccup in their development, Boone, Wickman and Blake fade badly, Michales fails as a regular, starting pitching is inconsistent. Similar to last year's Twins, they fall back near .500.
Cleveland Indians
Manager: Eric Wedge
Offense: B+
Defense: C
Starting Pitching: B
Bullpen: C-
Bench: B
Prediction: 81-81 4th in AL Central

Hutchinson a Viking

The Vikings landed arguably the top free-agent on the market when the Seahawks decided not to match their offer to All Pro guard Steve Hutchinson.
The Michigan grad becomes the highest paid guard in league history, and gives the Viking line a huge boost.
If Matt Birk returns 100%, the Vikings will essentially be adding perhaps the best center and best guard in the league to their line.
There is no more important part of a football team than the O-line, and thankfully, Hamsterface seems to know this.
The Vikings are looking to add fullback Tony Richardson as well.
With Chester Taylor running behind a ProBowl fullback and a top notch O-line, Brad Johnson becomes about a 10 times better QB.
This is a big day for the Minnesota Vikings.

AL Central Preview: the KC Royals

I'll get to the Royals preview in a sec.
Been gone for a week due to March Madness.
No, not the big dance everyone loses money on while some ditsy secretary wins the pot.
No, in my world March Madness unfortunately means state high school basketball tournaments.
You know high school basketball, it's that thing we all stop caring about when we turn 19 (If we ever cared to begin with). Yet I get to spend five days in Aberdeen writing about it.
But speaking of real March Madness - I really suck at these pools. Not only have I never won, I've never even come close. This year I thought I'd have a shot if I picked almost no upsets. But of course there's been a billion already. I'm probably already out.
*As much as I'm ready to move on about Daunte Culpepper, I thought I'd mention this nugget from a Sid Hartman column.
Now I know a 2nd round pick is pretty underwhelming for a supposed franchise QB, but if you still think the Vikings were wrong to get rid of this punk after reading the following, then your name is probably Drew Rosenhaus.
"Right from the beginning, I never had a conversation with him about this football team. It was always about what he needed financially and money. I never heard team, I always heard me and I and 'I need 10 million dollars. I'm a 10 million-dollar-a-year quarterback.' - Brad Childress, Vikings coach.
I've ripped on hamster face for his fraternity style of hiring assistants, but I have to say I'm warming to him. I like a guy that won't put up with bullshit, a guy that will call a players bluff and say, "Fuck you, I'll win without you."
Later in the same story Childress goes on to question whether Daunte will be able to continue his success, basically saying that his injury will affect his mobility and turn him into a pocket passer. I'm glad he's gone, I just hope we find the heir apparent soon.
*OK, back to baseball.
Opening day is fast-approaching, so today I begin the preview of the American League Central Division with the one team that everyone knows will stink, the Kansas City Royals.
A couple years ago the Royals went a fluke 83-79 and competed for the division. If they were smart they would've known it was a fluke and continued to build for the future. But they went for it, proved to be a fluke, and set themselves back again. (In fairness, they didnt' have much of a choice. You can't exactly not try to win a pennant and expect fans to stick with you.)
Last year the Royals posted the worst record in franchise history (56-106), and surpassed 100 losses for the third time in four years. (For an idea of how bad that is, the Twins, bad as they were from '93 to 2000, never lost more than 97 during that stretch.)
This year they've added a bunch of veterans on the down side of their careers. It won't make them competitive, but it's not as terrible an idea as it sounds, because there are so few decent prospects for the veterans to take playing time from.
The Royals added pitchers Scott Elarton, Joe Mays, Mark Redman and Elmer Dessens, catcher Paul Bako, infielders Doug Mientkiewicz and Mark Grudzielanek (jeez they should call it the scrabble infield) and outfielder Reggie Sanders.
The best of the Royals holdovers include 1B Mike Sweeney, CF David DeJesus, OF Emil Brown, and DH/OF Matt Stairs.
3B Mark Tehan and C John Buck are the Royals version of Mauer and Morneau, but so far they've been very disappointing. Alex Gordon is the best prospect in the organization, and he might get called up this year. He's probably not ready, but they have nothing else.
Zack Greinke and Runelvys Hernandez both have potential as starters, but they were both really bad last year.
If there is any strength to this club, it's the bullpen. Mike McDougal came back nicely last year after washing out, and 6-10 lefty Andrew Sisco and fireballing righty Ambiorix Burgos look legit. Jeremy Affeldt is a talented lefty who'd look great in a Twins uniform. The Royals will probably trade him, but not likely to the Twins.
The Good: Mientkiewicz and Grudzielanek improve the defense, while Sanders is a nice addition with the bat. Sweeney, Stairs and Brown can all hit. Their pitching will be better, but still below par.
The Bad: Mienkiewicz can't hit, Sweeney will surely go on the DL again, and the pitching has way too many question marks. Plus, every other team in the AL Central looks solid this year.
Worse, the best players on this team are all old guys who won't be around for more than a year or two. Most of their young talent are C to B- prospects.
Best case scenario: Everyone stays healthy, Teahan and Buck develop, Greinke becomes the next Brad Radke, Mays thrives on the natural grass surface, the new additions all contribute and Gordon shows signs of being a future stud in a late season call up. If all that happened they'd still struggle to win 75 games.
Worst case scenario: Sweeney and Stairs get hurt, Teahan, Buck, DeJesus and Greinke regress, the veteran additions all prove to be finished. Another 100 loss season would be a certainty.
KC Royals
Manager: Buddy Bell
Offense: C
Defense: B
Starting Pitching: D
Bullpen: C
Bench: D
Prediction: 67-95 5th in AL Central.

Good Riddance

Daunte Culpepper is a Miami Dolphin.
The Vikings acquire a 2nd round draft choice for the Big Failure.
He has to pass a physical to complete the deal. I hope he passes.
No, it doesn't mean the Vikes can now go after Drew Brees, he signed with the Saints.
I guess that does mean Aaron Brooks is available.

Who are these frickin guys?!?

If you've been watching any of the Twins spring games so far (I've yet to miss one), you've undoubtedly seen a few names that are unfamiliar. Not uncommon, of course, for spring training.
The Twins don't have too many spots available on their big league roster, but there are several players who they're looking at to see if A) they might one day be ready, and
B) how soon that might be
Here are some names to know. Though I should point out this list is limited to prospects who are in the big league camp. There are lots of other potential studs who are still several years away.

Blue-chippers
*Denard Span - OF (pictured above right)
Think Jacque Jones with more speed and less power.
A former 1st round pick, Span began last year in A ball and hit .339 with 13 steals, prompting a call up to AA, where he hit .285 with 10 steals. It looks like the Twins are trying to decide if he's ready for AAA. He just turned 22, and if Torii Hunter ends up getting traded in the next year or two, this guy is his replacement.
*Alex Romero - OF
Once considered a marginal prospect, Romero, 22, broke through in AA last year, hitting .301 with 15 HR and 12 SB. Being that he developed so suddenly, the 6', 190 pounder possibly still hasn't tapped his full potential. He's by no means a can't miss prospect, but he has a shot to be a five-tool stud.
*Matt Garza, Glen Perkins - P
Both are 22, and both at least a year away. But they were both high draft picks and they've both impressed the coaching staff this spring. They could both be in the bigs next year. Garza is a righty, Perkins a lefty.
*Justin Jones - P
The guy from the Doug Mientkiewicz trade, Jones was 7-3, 3.01 at A ball last year. He's still only 21, and if he stays healthy could be a very good big league pitcher.

At the Ready
*Boof Bonser - P
The third guy in the AJ-Joe Nathan trade, Bonser was the AAA staff ace last year and led the league in K's. He's probably ready for the big leagues, the Twins just don't need him. He's probably a 3rd or 4th starter at best, but he could probably help the Twins out of the pen, especially if Juan Rincon's elbow doesn't get better soon.
*Dave Gassner - P
Soft tossing lefty is 27, but looked good in winning his ML debut with the Twins early last year. He's a good guy to have in AAA. Probably won't ever be a 15-game winner in the big leagues, but is always available to fill in if someone goes down.
*Darrel May, Denny Reyes - P
One of these two veteran lefties will make the team. Reyes throws hard but is wild, and he's had success against lefties as a reliever before (righties are another story.)
May is a soft-tosser and a former starter. Much like Greg Swindell a decade earlier, May's career as a starter has washed out, so he's trying to reinvent himself. Swindell rejuvenated his career making the move, and May, who has excellent control, might be able to as well.
*Willie Eyre - P
27-year old righty is a favorite to land a spot in Twins bullpen this year. He was 10-2 with a 2.71 ERA in AAA last year, so he's due for a shot. Could be the next Tony Fiore.
*Glenn Williams - 3B
This guy might be the Twins starting 3B this year if he hadn't seperated his shoulder last year. You may remember him hitting .425 after getting called-up, before the injury ended his season. That was his one big chance. Now he'll likely go back to AAA.
*Terry Tiffee - 3B/1B
Promising in '04, terrible last year. Looks like a pinch-hitter at best. I hope he doesn't make the team.
*Luis Rodriguez - IF
Spent most of last year in the bigs and I thought he was pretty good. He batted .269/.335/.383 in 175 ABs, far better than Castro and Punto. I'd love to have him beat out one of those two for a job, but since he's still young and has options, he'll probably start the year in AAA. He'll be back, though, and I think he could be a great utility player.
*Garrett Jones - 1B
If something disastrous would happen to Justin Morneau, Jones would be his likely substitute.
He's hit 54 homers over the past two seasons at AAA, but was just .244/.297 OBP last year. He could hit for power in the big leagues, but would probably struggle to hit .200. He's a career minor leaguer. Would probably be good in the Northern League.
*Chris Heintz, Rob Bowen, Shawn Wooten - C
None of these guys will ever amount to more than Tom Prince status, but they're good to have around. All three are capable back stops, while Wooten and Heintz (both veterans) have decent pop with the bat.
*Jason Tyner - OF
A speedy LH hitter with no power, Tyner, 29, probably belongs in the big leagues. He fared well in a call up last September, and has looked good this spring. If the Twins had an injury to their OF, Tyner is a better option than most teams have in AAA.
*Andres Torres - OF
Similar to Tyner but not as polished, Torres has ML experience and could help out in a pinch, but he'll be a career minor leaguer.
*Luis Maza, Tommy Watkins - IF, Josh Rabe - OF
I'd be surprised if any of these guys ever reach the Twins. They're not bad players, but they're not big leaguers. They help fill out a AAA roster.

Mid level prospects
*Jason Pridie - OF
A former top prospect of the D-Rays, Pridie would be a great addition to the Twins AAA roster, but unfortunately he's a Rule V pick, which means the Twins have to keep him in the ML all year or lose him - the same way they got Johan Santana.
Pridie has shown promise, but he's got about a 2% chance of making the team.
*JD Durbin - P
If you saw him pitch against the Reds Monday night, you saw how horrible he is. As recently as two years ago the "Real Deal" as he called himself, was arguably the top pitching prospect in the organization. But a total lack of command, maturity and possibly intelligence has him falling fast.
*Errol Simonitsch - P
A 6-foot-4, 23 yr old lefty, Simonitsch dominated A ball last year, then fared decently at AA. He's a little old to still be in AA, but he's got good stuff.
*Adam Harben - P
Similar to Simonitsch but a righty, Harben won 10 games with a 2.69 ERA in A ball last year.
*Jose Mijares - P
A 21-year old lefty with great stuff, Mijares is raw but talented. He might be the guy to eventually take JC Romero's role.

Just happy to be in camp

*Kevin Cameron, Jason Miller, Pat Neshek, Ricky Barrett - P
These guys have all put up solid numbers in the minors, but that's where they'll stay. They're either too old or simply don't have the tools that scouts want, regardless of how well they pitch in the minors.

Ugly Athlete No. 5 - Daunte Culpepper

Okay, maybe he's not really that ugly.
I just want to kick him in the balls these days.
Sounds like the Vikes are gonna trade him to Oakland for a 2nd round pick or something.
Good luck, Raiders.
But honestly, if I was the Vikes, I'd keep him, bench him, and refuse to renegotiate.
Make him rot on the bench for the next four years.

Daunte Culpepper
Prima Donna Football Player
Wussiness: 10
Cowardice: 10
Leadership: 0
Class: 0
Dependability: 0
Identifying Characteristic: Chokes whenever he is needed, blames others when something goes wrong, got busted at the love-boat party because he's married to a hippopotamus.
Looks Like: Failure.

So Long, Kirby

I think the best way to sum up Kirby Puckett, what he meant to me and so many others, is to let the man speak for himself.
The following is an excerpt from his Hall of Fame acceptance speech - by far the best I've ever heard, and one that left me in tears.

"There may be a few people out there who remember a time when the word on Kirby Puckett was that he was too short or didn't have enough power to make it to the big leagues. Well, despite the fact that I didn't get to play all the years that I wanted to, I did it.
To any young person out there: If anyone tells you you can't do what you want to do and be what you want to be, I want you to remember the guiding principles of my life. You can be what you want to be if you believe in yourself and you work hard because anything, and I'm telling you anything, is possible.
It doesn't matter if you're five foot eight like Kirby Puckett, or six foot six like my man Winnie (Dave Winfield). You can do it. And don't feel sorry for yourself if obstacles get in your way. Our great Twins World Series teams faced great odds and we beat them. Jackie Robinson faced odds and made this game truly the national game.
I faced odds when glaucoma took the bat out of my hands, but I didn't give in or feel sorry for myself. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It may be cloudy in my right eye, but the sun is shining very brightly in my left eye."

As the Twins played in the 1987 and 1991 World Series, the idea that the Twins could lose never even occured to me. I thought it was a fairy tale, and fairy tales always have happy endings, because they have heroes like Kirby Puckett.
When the Twins returned to the playoffs in 2002, I didn't have the unwavering confidence I had had as a youngster.
Maybe it was because I was 22 years old, old enough to realize that the Twins very well could lose, just like they could have lost back in 1987 and 1991.

Or maybe it was because Kirby Puckett wasn't in that Minnesota clubhouse, encouraging his teammates to jump on his back.
If he had been, maybe it would've gone back to being a fairy tale, just like it was back when I was a kid. Maybe I never would've dreamed that the Twins could lose, and maybe they would've won another championship.
Because with Kirby, fairy tales were real - something he proved every day he was in the big leagues.
He was Superman, Hercules, Santa Claus and Peter Pan rolled into one.
He was my hero.

Hang in There, Puck

I'm not going to try and say something overly profound or dramatic about Kirby Puckett as he fights for his life after suffering a stroke early Sunday morning. I'm just hoping he makes it.
Few, check that zero, celebrity/athletes were as significant to my adolescence than Kirby Puckett, a guy who could make a groundout to short entertaining.
As great as he was, though, it wasn't his .318 average or even his Game 6 performance in the '91 series that I think of first when I hear his name.
It was his smile, his bald head, his beer belly, his short, choppy, Babe Ruth-like steps as he burned around the bases. All the things that made him a real-life superhero.
Kirby's off-field problems in retirement have done little to sour my memories of him. His nice-guy persona may have been phony, but the way he played the game and inspired millions was very real.

TWINS ON TV TONIGHT!!!!!!!!

The Twins open their official exhibition schedule tonight in Fort Meyers, taking on the Boston Red Sox.
The game will be televised on FSN at 6 pm central.

Early Spring Roundup and Bloody Thursday

In what will hopefully be a sign of things to come, the World Series champion - and consensus favorite to repeat - Chicago White Sox lost the first spring training game of 2006 Wednesday, falling to the Colorado Rockies 6-0. The Detroit Tigers also edged Florida Southern University 4-3. The Twins played Concordia-St. Paul, but no score has been reported yet. Concordia, a Division 3 school, beat the Twins last spring.
Seriously.
*In other spring news, former Twins 3-hitter Bret Boone finally and mercifully announced his retirement Wednesday.
Boone was in camp with the Mets trying one last comeback, but admitted his confidence was so shaken that it wasn't worth waiting for games to start.
It's hard to remember the last time a player fell farther faster than Boone, who just a couple years ago was one of the game's most dangerous right-handed hitters.
*MLB's phony money-making scheme, otherwise known as the World Baseball Classic, continues to get pissed on by many of the game's biggest stars, as pitchers CC Sabathia and Billy Wagner both excused themselves from Team USA Wednesday, while Vlad Guerrero ditched the Dominican squad.
Team USA actually named 68-year old Al Leiter to the squad to replace Sabathia.
No word on whether the rumors of Joe Morgan coming in to play two-sack are true.
*As further evidence that this WBC thing is total PR bullshit, Twins CF Torii Hunter, a fellow WBC hater, has conspicuously stopped talking about it. When asked if MLB had told him to keep quiet, Hunter said, 'no comment'. Gee, I wonder what that means.
*The NFL may be headed for a work stoppage. Collective bargaining in pro sports is about as exciting to me as watching Dr. Phil, so I won't bother with the details.
But what is interesting is the effect the current deal is having on free-agency and the salary cap.
A few big names were cut today, and many, many more are expected tomorrow (the deadline for getting under the cap) for what many insiders are already calling "Bloody Thursday".
Don't believe it? Check out this quote: "In past years, you'd see a lot of guys released who maybe still had some name value but who were really in decline in terms of production," said one AFC team executive who was working late Tuesday, trying to figure out how to pare down a prohibitively bloated cap figure. "This year? People are going to be stunned -- not just by the quantity of players who are cut by Thursday but by the quality, too. It's going to be ugly. There's going to be blood in the streets and, compared to past years, it's going to be from some bluebloods, guys who can still play."
The Vikings have already informed Michael Bennett that he'll be cut. Will Daunte get the axe, too? I doubt it.
But there should be a chance for the Vikes, who are over $20 million under the cap, to add a RB.
Stephen Davis and Mike Anderson were both cut Wednesday, we'll see who's available tomorrow.
Both Davis and Anderson are the type of big, bruising, workhorse backs the Vikings desperately need. But Davis is clearly washed up, and Anderson will be 33 next September.
On the other hand, Anderson rushed for over 1,000 yards last year. I'd love to see the Vikes take him, especially if he's cheap.

Ugly Athlete No. 4 - Bobby Kielty

Seriously, what a D-bag.
Just look at him. The white Oscar Gamble.
He's like the guy in High School who wore a leisure suit to school one day because he thought he was so cool that everyone would think it's ironic.
But then everyone just thinks he's a fuckin jagoff.
When the Twins traded Kielty for Shannon Stewart, some people worried that the Twins had given up too much.
A certain retarded Twin Cities columnist even went as far as to suggest that the Twins may have traded the next Mickey Mantle (though all the two really have in common is that they're both white, switch-hitters and don't use batting gloves).
One thing I'm really tired of is fans latching onto certain players for that kind of shit.
"I really like Nick Punto because he slides head first" or
"I really like Dustan Mohr because he always dives for foul balls" or
"I really like Bobby Kielty because he doesn't wear batting gloves" or
"I really like Lew Ford because he's retarded just like me"
Hey, guess what? I really like Joe Mauer...because he's a fucking good baseball player!
Meanwhile the 'roided firecrotch has been a .230 hitter since the Twins traded him, while Stewart led them to two playoff appearances. I'd say it was a good trade.
So I hope Kielty's "I'm so ugly and my hair is so outrageous that I'm actually cool" bit is going over well in Oakland.
I don't miss it.
Bobby Kielty
Major League Baseball Player
2001 - present
Ugliness: 8
Creepiness: 8
Identifying Characteristic: There's a bon-fire on his head. Back zits (I've heard).
Looks like: Ronald McDonald on steroids.

Spring Training Primer

Pitchers and catchers are in camp, and the Twins will begin exhibition games in earnest within a couple weeks.
Just seeing a couple pictures of the red and blue uniforms under a bright sunshine with green grass in the background is enough to get me back in Twins mode.
It's been a pretty eventful off-season for the Twins, at least according to their standards.
Remember this is a team whose most significant off-season addition in 2001 was Tom Prince (and they ended a streak of 8 straight losing seasons that year).
Rondell White, Luis Castillo, Tony Batista and a few other minor additions will be in camp, and they'll be the key to the Twins contending this year.
Many are writing the Twins off, which is odd, considering that they actually were in contention most of last year. It's not like they're coming off a 70-92 season; they were 83-79.
Their offensive additions could be called modest, but modest is probably all they needed. The pitching staff is back, and with the subtraction of Joe Mays and JC Romero, it could actually be even better.
But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of burning questions as camp kicks off.
Who will be the 5th starter?
I'd be shocked if it isn't Scott Baker. All the numbers suggest he's ready.
In 10 games last year, Baker was 3-3 with a 3.35 ERA. 54 innings, 48 hits, 32 K's, 14 walks.
The last rookie to put up those kind of numbers in a late season callup was Scott Erickson, who went 8-4 with a 2.87 ERA late in 1990. You may remember that he followed that up by going 20-8 in his first full season the following year.
Francisco Liriano is still the No. 1 prospect in the organization, but I don't think they want to throw him in the ro just yet.
Liriano, who had 33 K's and just 7 walks in 24 innings during his call-up (albeit with a 5.70 ERA) will hopefully still make the team. I'd use him as a power lefty out of the pen, and if he succeeds, much like Johan Santana did in the same role, Kyle Lohse can be traded, and Liriano can move up.
Who will be the right-fielder?
This one is hard to call, but I'm putting my money on Michael Cuddyer.
Twins fans certainly have a bad taste in their mouths regarding Cuddy's 2005 season, though he finished strong enough to be reasonably optimistic.
After a brutal start that cost him a starting job, Cuddy finished at .263/.330/.422 with 12 homers and 25 doubles.
It would seem like he's running out of chances, but he's still only 27, and has the minor league credentials to suggest he's capable of producing.
Jason Kubel is the wild-card here, as he'd likely be handed the job if he weren't recovering from a major knee injury.
I wouldn't mind seeing a platoon situation between the two, but we all know how Gardy feels about that.
I wouldn't even let Lew Ford compete for the job. I don't see any reason to think his 2004 season (.299/.381/.446) was anything more than a fluke.
Last year he hit like a 4th OF (.377 SLG), and I believe that's what he is. Good defender at all three spots, good speed, makes decent contact - he's a backup.
My guess is Cuddyer gets around 450 at-bats, Kubel spends most of the year in AAA, and Ford gets 300 or so ABs spelling Shannon Stewart, Torii Hunter, Rondell White and Cuddyer.
If Cuddy can post something along the lines of .270 with 20 homers, everyone would be pleased.
Will Tony Batista be horrible?
There's a lot to suggest he will. Scouting reports out of Japan said he was fat and lethargic, and remember, the guy struggles to reach base 30% of the time anyway.
But as important as those kinds of numbers are, this game isn't played by robots. And Batista's presence at the bottom of the order could have a positive effect on the lineup as a whole. Walks and singles don't score runs by themselves. A big bopper isn't a bad thing.
If he hits 25 homers with a .280 OBP, that probably isn't helping a whole lot. But if he hits 30 or 40 homers, which would have his SLG% near .500, then I'll be happy. But that's a longshot.
But ya never know. Sometimes shot-in-the-dark free-agents work out. Maybe the Twins will get lucky.
Is Shannon Stewart finished?
Stewart didn't receive nearly enough criticism for how bad he was last year (.274/.323/.388).
He was slow, chased bad pitches, and was terrible in the OF.
He needs to get back to .300/.370/.450 if he's going to be the leadoff man.
Lew Ford failed as DH last year, but his numbers would've been more acceptable in LF, especially since Ford is far superior defensively.
Meaning if Stewart is hitting .260 on May 20th, you've gotta pull him. Between Ford, Kubel, and risking Rondell White's health by putting him in left, there are too many options to put up with another crappy season from Stewart.
How big an impact will Rondell White and Luis Castillo have?
Big enough.
Castillo immediately becomes the Twins best infielder - offensively and defensively.
It'll be interesting to see how much the Twins try to run him (his steals have gone down each of the last few years) but he'll get on base. A lot.
If White stays healthy, which will likely depend a lot on him staying away from the outfield, he could have an impact similar to what Chili Davis did in 1991.
If he gets 500 ABs, White will hit around .300 with 25 homers.
Will Torii Hunter or Brad Radke get traded before the season ends?
I doubt it.
Yes, Torii has a big raise ready to kick in next year, but he's the face of the franchise, and still an at times electrifying player. He may be traded after the season, but I'd be shocked to see him go midseason. (If the Twins are 10 games under .500 at the deadline, however, that's a different story)
Radke had said previously he'd retire after this year, but now he's hinting he'd like to keep playing.
I doubt the Twins would be interested in bringing him back at $10M a year, but if Brad was willing to sign, say, a 2 yr $8M type deal, that might be reasonable.
Again, I think you'll only see him go if the Twins are out of contention.
Kyle Lohse on the other hand, will likely go. Especially if Liriano is doing well.
Will Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau take a step up?
I think so.
With Mauer I don't believe there's any doubt.
His numbers last year seemed modestly impressive, but a closer look suggests he's ready to break out.
He hit .294/.372/.411, and struck out only 61 times in 489 ABs. He stole 13 bases in 14 attempts.
As he gets more comfortable, the on-base and slugging numbers are only going to go up.
At worst, I would expect Mauer to hit .310-15 homers-100 RBIs with a .400+OBP.
If he really breaks out, .330-25 homers isn't out of the question.
As for Morneau, I just think he's too skilled too end up a flop.
Morneau might be the single biggest key to the Twins success this year, and he's had a healthier off-season, a new hitting coach inserted, and will have better hitters in front of and behind him.
.260 with 30 homers is a reasoable expectation.
The other teams in the Central, even the White Sox, have questions of their own. I'll get to those another time.

Ugly Athlete No. 3 - Dirk Nowitzki

I don't know who the kid is (looks like a guy I used to work with at B-dubs) but the drunk fool next to him is NBA All-Star Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks, who, as you can see, is one ugly motherfucker.
I don't know why, but if you are white, and over 6-feet-9 inches tall, you are about 99% certain to be ugly as shit. If you're European, it's like 100%.
Dirk often shaves his head and face, at which point he's even uglier.
I think someone probably told him at some point to grow his hair and goatee long to try and hide his ugliness. It's a ploy Mike Miller is also using these days.
That picture is so horrible that if I was that kid I'd throw it away. I know it's cool to have a picture of yourself with a drunk NBA star trying to give the finger, but seriously, that shit's just hard to look at.
Dirk Nowitzki
NBA Basketball Player 1999 - present
Ugliness: 10
Creepiness: 5
Identifying Characteristic: An all-around horribleness. He's German.
Looks like: Hard to tell in the above picture, but kind of like Skeletor of He-Man fame. Especially when he shaves his shit.

Daunte on the Block

The Star Tribune reports the Vikings are going to give whiney-boy his wish.
Daunte is on the block.
Apparently he asked Wilf for a $10 million raise, which Wilf 'angrily' refused.
Of course what Zygi is missing is that Daunte knows he doesn't deserve a raise - that's why he's asking for one. To force the Vikings to trade him.
The story says the Vikings are asking for - get this - a 2nd round draft pick. Wow.
That is what you call falling from grace.
Another more encouraging scenario has the Vikes sending Daunte to Baltimore for Jamal Lewis.
Now Lewis' best days are certainly behind him, but I'd be more excited about landing him than a 2, considering recent Vikings second round picks include guys like Raonall Smith, EJ Henderson and Marcus Johnson.

Ugly Athlete No. 2 - Monica Seles

I used to watch a lot of tennis when I was a kid, and I had a special dislike for Monica Seles; for three reasons.
1 - She was, for a time, unbeatable.
2 - She squaled like a farm animal whenever she hit a forehand.
3 - She wasn't hot.
I feel kinda bad picking on someone who was once stabbed in the back by a psychotic fan (epsecially since her career was never the same after the incident), but Seles was, and probably still is, a big time dog.
Most men would probably be semi-turned on by listening to a woman howl like she's getting plowed by a jackhammer, yet Ms. Seles managed to make it pretty gross.
Makes you wonder what kind of noises she makes when she's having sex. Assuming she has sex.
With men.
Monica Seles
Professional Tennis Player 1989-2002
Ugliness: 7
Creepiness: 5
Identifying Characteristic: Hair that looks like it was pulled off of a broom, perma-scowl face, mannish body, walrus-like grunts during play. Has never heard of makeup.
Looks like: A man.

Ugly Athlete No. 1 - Willie McGee

As a cheap way to keep finding things to write about in this space, I've decided to launch what I hope will be an entertaining project: Identifying the ugliest athletes in America.
Past or present, male or female, professional or college, anyone is eligible.
I'm not going to rank them in any particular order, and I'll post a new ugly athlete pretty much whenever I don't have anything better to touch on - no particular schedule.
Certainly there will be many on the list that are easy targets, obvious choices, while others may reflect a personal touch.
Because ugliness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
You know how sometimes you're attracted to a chick and you don't really know why?
She might have a big nose or funny looking teeth or a weird scar on her face, but something about her just... 'works' for some reason.
Same deal for picking ugly athletes.
Might be a normal enough looking guy, but something about him (or her) just gives you the creeps.
So there may be some less obvious choices.
So without further ado.....
Leading off the list is former outfielder Willie McGee, who had a fine career, mostly with the St. Louis Cardinals. The 1985 NL MVP, McGee is also the only player to win a batting title in one league, while finishing the season playing in the other (1990, when the Cards sent him to the A's at the waiver deadline).
Willie McGee
Major League Baseball Player 1982-1999.
Ugliness: 9
Creepiness: 6
Identifying Characteristic: Doesn't really have a chin, or any lower face to speak of. His bottom lip seems to connect to his neck. Kind of like a chicken.
Looks like: Kind of like a chicken, also like a crack-addict. Chappelle's show could have fun with this guy.

Wither Sammy Sosa?

Sammy Sosa is threatening to retire.
This is kind of like Hitler threatening to kill himself, or Blink 182 threatening to stop making albums.
And yes, that is Sammy Sosa in the picture at left.
Before he started, ya know....lifting weights.
I won't sit here and say I hate Sammy Sosa, because he never really did anything all that bad (other than that whole "weight-lifting" thing).
But he always bugged the hell out of me, and it pisses me off that he has more career homers than guys like Mickey Mantle, Frank Robinson and Harmon Killebrew.
The thing that always bugged me about Sosa is how stupid he clearly is. Nobody likes stupid people and Sosa is certainly that.
His ridiculous homerun 'hop', (which he also did every time he flied out to left field because he's a fuck-tard) was the most ridiculous thing I ever saw a pro athlete do, except for maybe that other ridiculous thing he'd do - you know, where he dumps a cup of water on his head (rather than in his mouth) and kisses his fingers and points and whatever else was part of that Gay Latin Handjive.
Only a total moron would do this kind of shit.
The guy played the game like a 6-year old, and I don't mean that as a compliment. Accordingly, his supposed "immense popularity" was strictly relegated to little-leaguers, great-grandmothers and retarded people. No one over the age of 12 actually enjoyed Sosa's tired and phony antics.
Sosa was also never popular with any teammate he ever had. In his mind he was the show, and everyone else in blue pinstripes was an extra.
When he was in his prime he was famous (infamous?) for controlling the boombox in the Cubs locker room and do you know what he listened to?
Whitney Houston and Celine Dion. I'm not making this shit up just to spite the fucker, it's true.
Whitney fucking Houston and Celine Goddamn Dion! In a Major League clubhouse.
If I have not yet convinced you that Sammy Sosa sucks, never read this blog again because I hate you.
Sosa has made over $125 million dollars in his career just from playing baseball. Who knows how much additional cash he has made from Pepsi commercials.
(Side note: This is why I hate Pepsi - they use assfaces like Sammy Sosa in their commercials and think it's cute and hip. It's actually gay. Pepsi and Sammy Sosa may be the most perfect match I've ever heard of.)
But with all that money, Sosa is apparently going to turn down a $500,000 contract from the Washington Nationals, because he's insulted by it. A million and he'll talk, according to reports.
He has 588 career homeruns - 12 more and he joins the Babe, Bonds, Hank and Willie in the 600 club.
Here's hoping he hangs it up.
Cuz he don't belong on any list with those guys.

WBC - The Stupidest Thing......Ever

I first heard rumblings about something like this in a Peter Gammons column about six or seven years ago.
Gammons (of whom I am a huge fan) was yammering on about how the World Series isn't a "true" World Series - more like a North American Series.
Apparently he thought that since the teams reside only in the US and Canada, the players are all either American or Canadian, too.
Then Bud Selig started talking about.
And now this month we're gonna have it.
And I hate it.
Hate it, hate it, hate it.
No one in America gives a flying fuck about this stupid baseball tournament.
In Venezuela, the Dominican, Cuba, Puerto Rico, etc., it'll probly be bigger than the second coming of Jesus Christ.
I just think the Major League Baseball regular season is good enough, and I don't want it, or the health of my favorite players, jeopardized by a meaningless tournament.
Plus, I think it's just promoting segregation.
Why do we have to keep labeling the players we root for as Venezuelan, Dominican or Puerto Rican? I don't care where they're from. Why are we always trying to seperate them?
I remember last year at the Home Run derby they had all the players play for their country, and when you watched the derby you just had all the American guys on one side, keeping to themselves, and all the Latin guys on the other, speaking Spanish and doing the same. It made for an uncomfortable scene.
Plus the rules on this thing have been stretched to absurdity, as anyone who's last name ends in a vowel - Piazza, Delucci, etc., are playing for Italy, Mark Mulder is on the roster for the Netherlands, etc., even though none of these guys have ever set foot in Europe.
Hey, how about a "Skin-tone classic"?
Just think, Torii Hunter and the Bruthas vs Justin Morneau and the Crackas!
Oooh, the drama!
Or a World Faith Classic, where Shawn Green leads the Jews against Roberto Alomar and the Catholics!
This is stupid, and the only Americans who will care are the same sunshine sports fans who watch the Olympics and the media drones who are forced to cover the damn thing.
The good news is it already has the makings of a failure, as big name players are taking their names off the list in droves (Joe Mauer just withdrew - thank God) and tickets are selling like Herpes brand lip-stick.
The World Series is a World Series because Major League Baseball clubs are made up of the best players in the World. Otherwise, Manny Ramirez, Johan Santana, Ichiro Suzuki, Vladimir Guerrero, David Ortiz, etc. would be playing in the leagues of their respective countries instead of coming here.
You know what I hope happens?
I hope Alex Rodrigues tears his ACL in the first game, and George Steinbrenner sues Bud Selig's ass off.
Then maybe this ridiculous ploy to cheat poverty-stricken Latin fans out of money they don't have, will come to an end.
* Matthew LeCroy signed a one-year deal with Washington.
I'm happy for him. Glad he didn't have to go play in Japan or something.
The guy's slow and a liability with the glove, but he can mash lefties.

Sierra, Lil' Nicky, and McHale's Navy

It's not often you can say about a guy, "Boy, I wish we'd had him 20 years ago", but in the case of Ruben Sierra, you can.
When Joe Mauer was in pre-school, Ruben Sierra was emerging as one of the game's most dangerous hitters.
Now Mauer will occasionally be batting in front of him.
I don't think it's a bad move necessarily, in that Sierra is a veteran, a switch-hitter, and he still has power.
He's a better option off the bench than Terry Tiffee or Glenn Williams.
But on the same day Sierra signed with the Twins, Russell Branyan signed with the Devil Rays.
The Devil Rays!
I'm not saying Branyan is the answer to all our problems, but he's 29 (Sierra is 40) and had a .378 OBP and .490 SLG last year.
Sierra posted a sub-.300 OBP for the second straight year, and hit just four homers in 170 at-bats.
To be honest, I think he'll struggle to make the team. On the other hand, Gardy seems to loathe rookies after what happened last year, so I think Sierra and Tony Batista, who both signed minor league contracts, are virtual locks to make the team.
If nothing else, putting Sierra in the Randy Bush-Midre Cummings-Jose Offerman role might end up working out just fine.
*On a side note, last week the Twins re-upped with Nicky Punto.
Fuckin' hooray.
I don't think anybody epitomized the failure of last year's Twins more than this guy. They wanted soooo bad for him to be some kind of shortstop version of Lenny Dykstra, only one problem - he can't hit for shit.
You constantly hear about how he "hustles" and what a "gamer" he is.
Guess what? Nobody gives a shit. Sliding into first base may get the front of your jersey all dirty and make you look cool to chicks that don't know anything about sports, but it doesn't make you a good baseball player. In fact, it makes you stupid. Incredibly stupid if you're injury prone like Punto is.
Congratulations to Punto on being good at two things: getting hit by pitch, and getting dirty. Two things most fat little-leaguers also possess the ability to succeed at.
Last year this black-hole of a baseball player managed to eat up 394 at-bats, which is unforgivable.
In those 394 at-bats he batted .239, with 4 homers, 26 RBIs, and 18 doubles (a .301 OBP and .335 SLG). He struck out a lot, and walked a little.
Oh, but he's fast, you say.
How's 13 steals in 21 attempts then? Shitty. According to most of the math nerds, you're only helping your team by stealing bases if you're successful 70% of the time at the very, very least.
Lil' Nicky: 61.9 %.
But he's a good fielder, you say.
Well, he did actually post good defensive numbers last year, at both 2B and SS, but Luis Castillo and Juan Castro were both far better, and both, even the light-hitting Castro, were much better at the dish as well.
So where does the value lay with this guy? As a Denny Hocking-style utility player?
If Jason Bartlett is the starting SS then can't Castro fill that role?
Get rid of this clown. He sucks.
*Early returns on the Wolves-Celtics trade are pretty solid.
Marcus Banks should be the starting PG from here on out, and Mark Blount has already proven to be light-years better than Olowokandi. The knock on Blount is similar to the knock on Kandi - doesn't care - a stiff. And can't rebound.
He had 16 points, 10 boards and four blocks the other night, after having 18 points the prior game.
We're not even mentioning the main part of the deal, Ricky Davis for Wally, which will probably benefit both teams. Celtics needed a guy who can score with better than 40% accuracy, Wolves needed a more athletic swingman. Mission accomplished.
Justin Reed may not be anything special, but he at least gives the Wolves some more depth in the frontcourt.
It's still waaaayy early to judge, but so far it looks like McHale made his team, at the very least, a lot more athletic.

Hamster Face: Who needs running backs?

This comment from Hamster Face about the running back free-agent pool is another reason that I hate him even though he hasn't called a single play as Vikings coach:

"We've kind of looked at the free agents that are out there. They're kind of journeyman guys. I know there's Edgerrin James out there. He'll come with a big-ticket price. Jamal Lewis. He'll come with a big-ticket price," Hamster face said. "What we've done in Philadelphia is kind of done it by committee. So if we can't find that guy, that's the lead dog, that can do it 25 or 30 times a game, we'll go ahead and spread it around a little and keep everybody fresh."

Yeah, who wants Edgerrin James, or Jamal Lewis, or Preist Holmes, or Shaun Alexander (the fucking league MVP!)?
It's not like we're $30 million under the cap - oh, wait, we are. Maybe we can sign Duce Staley.
In case you're an idiot, I'll point out to you that the Eagles have had a terrible running game throughout the entire coaching tenure of Andy Reid. Their best running back is Donovan McNabb. So I'm sure glad that Hamster face is ready to go that same route in Minny.

Update: McHale makes a move

Wally Szczerbiak has been traded to the Celtics, along with Michael Olowokandi and Dwane Jones for Ricky Davis, Mark Blount, Marcus Banks and a couple draft picks. The Wolves also apparently traded Nikoloz Tskitishvilli to Phoenix for a pick. No one noticed.
Wally was having his best season, averaging 20.1 ppg on 51 % shooting, while Olowokandi had gone completely in the toilet.
Having said that Ricky Davis is only slightly less crazy than Ron Artest, and an only slightly better all around player than Wally. He's a better defender, but not as reliable on offense.
Blount is a stiff, but maybe not as stiff as Kandi-man.
Basically I have no opinion of this trade other than I'll kind of miss Wally.
Paul Pierce would've been better. Or Steve Francis.
I don't see how this makes the Wolves better, really. Although it's clear that KG and Wally still weren't getting along, so maybe that pushed the deal.

Two Great Players....One good exec

That's what you see in the photo at left.
Since the T-Wolves never won more than 29 games before Kevin McHale began running the show, I guess he technically deserves credit for bringing the Wolves out of the abyss and into respectability.
But even that requires giving him a big benefit of the doubt.
If you caught any of the Wolves 107-87 loss to Memphis on Wednesday night, you saw a bad team hitting bottom.
The Wolves have two impact players, one of whom (Szczerbiak) is still overrated, a couple of wild cards (Eddie Griffin and Rashad McCants) and a bunch of guys whose trading cards aren't worth a nickel.
Back when the CBA was a credible league, most of today's T-Wolf roster would've fit in perfectly.
Flip Saunders, I probably don't need to point out, has like a 95-1 record with Detroit. Or something like that.
I like McHale, but enough is enough. He's gotta go. He's the problem.
Pluses on McHale's resume include drafting Kevin Garnett, drafting Wally Szczerbiak, drafting Ray Allen (who he traded for Stephon Marbury) and, well, that's about it.
He also drafted Paul Grant, William Avery, Ndudi Ebi and Rashad McCants.
The devastating Joe Smith fiasco happened on his watch, though owner Glen Taylor also deserves a lot of blame there, too.
I won't blame McHale for trading Marbury for Terrell Brandon, because he didn't have any choice. He got what he could there.
But he did choose Brandon over both Bobby Jackson (6th man of the year) and Chauncey Billups (NBA Finals MVP). These are probably the two biggest black eyes on his record.
I liked the additions of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell at the time, and I don't think you can blame McHale for them flaming out as fast as they had caught fire.
But when McHale fired Flip last year, he was essentially choosing Sam and Spree over Flip. The Wolves were losing last year because Flip lost those two players. While it seemed at least somewhat logical at the time, it's apparent now what a grave mistake that was, given that Sam and Spree were both shown the door the minute the season ended.
Fired the coach in favor of two players who only spent two more months with the club. Ouch.
I was perfectly willing to give Dwane Casey a chance as the Wolves coach. He seems like a classy, intelligent guy who has worked hard for his shot at a job.
But at the moment he appears to be overwhelmed by the job, and perhaps not creative enough to find ways to cure his teams ills.
He hasn't been able to reach Olowokandi, he doesn't seem to know what to make of Marko Jaric, the 6-foot-7 point guard, and he seems to be pulling the B.S. about Trenton Hassell being the next Ron Artest.
As much as he has failed as a GM, McHale wasn't a bad coach last year (19-12). At this point it looks like the team might have been better off if he'd kept the job.
But assembling the roster over the past few years has been a disaster. McHale's only successful draft picks were no brainers. Anyone would've taken Garnett or Allen or Szczerbiak.
Nowadays, the NBA draft is more like the baseball draft. You draft teenagers based on them being able to develop and help your team in a couple years.
If you look at the NBA scoring leaders right now, you'll see a bunch of unfamiliar names.
Guys that we all knew to nothing about on the day they were drafted, but are quietly becoming the next generation of the league's superstars.
That's because the other teams have figured it out. You have to scout. You have to look hard. And you have to develop those players once you get them.
Every year you look at the draft and say, 'There's nobody good out there, the draft is a waste, etc.' That is proving to be untrue. The impact players are still out there - they're just not as obvious as they once were. Some teams are finding them. The Wolves are not.
They also continue to fail in getting the most out of Garnett. Most scouts still say that from a total package standpoint, Garnett is the best player in the league. He can literally do it all.
Or can he?
Why can't he score more than 22 points a game?
Did anyone even realize that Garnett is currently leading the NBA in FG%?
Here's an idea: If your best player is the best shooter in the league, maybe he should shoot more.
I'm tired of hearing about how well Garnett 'distributes the ball' and 'gets his teammates involved.'
His teammates suck.
They need to be less involved.
Look at Kobe. He knows his teammates suck. Some nights he works to make them better. Other nights, when he realizes they're not getting it done, he takes over and scores 81.
I'm not saying KG can score 81 a game, but there should be more nights where he makes like Kobe and says, 'To hell with you jokers, I'm taking us home.'
Instead the Wolves continue to struggle. Struggle to win games and struggle to find an identity.
They're hard to watch.
Trading KG is not the answer. Firing McHale, and possibly Casey with him, is.

Kobe vs. MJ

Screw the Steelers and Seahawks, the biggest news in the sports world Sunday was Kobe Bryant putting up 81 - 81! against the Raptors.
It's the second highest total ever, and if you consider that Bryant is competing on a much more level playing field than was Wilt Chamberlain, it was the most impressive offensive performance in the history of the sport.
Normally the words 'ball hog' might come into play here, but the Lakers really don't have much besides No. 8, and both Kobe and Phil Jackson acknowledged that the other Lakers were 'lethargic'.
And here's the thing - Kobe hit 61 percent of his shots from the floor. He was 28 of 46 from the floor (including 7 of 13 from 3-point range) and 18 of 20 from the line. An amazing night.
In case you were wondering, Michael Jordan's career-high was 69.
And speaking of Jordan, this game will no doubt continue to spark the debate: Is Kobe the next Jordan? Is he, or will he eventually be, better than Jordan?
I think the numbers say that no, he's not, but, hey, Kobe does seem like he's got more suprises up his sleeve.
Kobe, at this very moment, is averaging 35.9 points per game, 5.6 rebounds per game, 4.3 assists per game, 1.3 steals and 0.5 blocks. He's shooting 45 percent from the floor, 84 percent from the line, and 34 percent from downtown.
For a little comparison, let's look at MJ's peak years, 1987-1990.
1987 - 37.1 points, 5.2 rebs, 4.6 ass, 2.9 steals, 1.5 blocks. 48% FG, 86%FT.
1988 - 35.0 points, 5.5 rebs, 5.9 ass, 3.2 stels, 1.6 blocks, 54%FG, 84%FT
1989 - 32.5 points, 8.0 rebs, 8.0 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.8 blocks, 54%FG, 85%FT
1990 - 33.6 points, 6.9 rebs, 6.3 ass, 2.9 steals, 0.7 blocks, 52%FG, 85%FT
Clearly, Kobe doesn't compare to MJ from a 'total package' perspective. Jordan's shooting percentages were ridiculous for a guard, as were his rebounds and blocks. He nearly averaged a triple-double in '89. And Jordan was not only the league's most dangerous scorer, he was easily the best defender as well.
So, no I don't think you can argue that Kobe is as good of a player as MJ was.
But he might be as good a scorer.
Kobe appears to be able to score in big bunches whenever he wants, regardless of the opponent, a very Jordan-like quality.
It seemed like whenever Jordan was pissed or wanted to make a point, he'd go out and score 55 almost on cue. That's what Kobe does.
Jordan's absurdly high FG% was a product of his physical strength and defensive ability, which created a lot of fast-break points and dunks and lay-ups on penetrations.
Kobe has some of that ability, but to a much lesser extent. He shoots a lot, and he shoots from everywhere. What he may have that MJ never did, is the ability to catch fire from outside, which makes him unstoppable for certain spurts.
Kobe has a lot more range, and when he gets hot from outside, no amount of double and triple teams can stop him. That's why he scored 81 points and MJ never did. Jordan could never get that hot with his jumper.
Jordan, it should be pointed out, didn't add the 3-pointer to his game until he had to, due to age.
In '87, when MJ scored a career-high 3,041 points - the last player to eclipse 3,000 - he made 12 3-pointers all year. 12!
It wasn't until 1990 that he started shooting them regularly, hitting 92.
So really, thirty-something Jordan did look a lot like modern-day Kobe. Threatening to drive more than he actually did it, and living off fade-away jumpers and 3-pointers.
And that's where the comparison comes from.
People forget how unstoppable MJ was in his early to mid 20's.
They remember how he looked late in his career: Kobe-esque.
Kobe is an unbelievable player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he threatens Wilt's 100-point game. I also wouldn't be surprised if he becomes the first player other than Wilt to average 40 for a season.
But even if he does, he won't be the same player Jordan was.
There are four athletes in history who have dominated their sports like nobody else in history:
Wilt, Jordan, Babe Ruth and Wayne Gretzky.
Unless Kobe starts racking up triple-doubles and defensive player of the year awards, he won't make that list.

The Cowardly Lion....er, Viking

Daunte Culpepper has had a tough time pretty much since he first came to the Vikings.
He spent his rookie year as a 4th string QB behind Jeff George, Randall Cunningham and Todd Bouman. He played sparingly in the pre-season, and when he looked understandably green, fans started to grumble that he was a poor pick. We never stopped hearing about Jevon Kearse and how the Vikes erred in passing him up.
Of course he proved them wrong over the next five years, putting up mostly outstanding numbers, despite having issues with turnovers.
In 2005, he had what was, in my opinion, the single greatest all-around season any QB has ever had in the league.
Yet Vikings fans, never trusting of a QB who isn't pale skinned, still refused to open their arms to Culpepper.
That fan distrust was made even more obvious this year with the way Vikings fans fell all over themselves to praise the work of Brad Johnson.
Johnson did what a backup QB should do, and yes, Culpepper could certainly learn a lot from the veteran about playing under control and protecting the football.
Yet keep this in mind: Daunte made seven starts this year, five against quality teams (Tampa, Cincy, Chicago, Carolina and Atlanta). He lost all five and played poorly in all five. In the two games Pep played against poor teams (GB, N.O.) he played great and the Vikings won.
Johnson pretty much followed the same trend, but the easy part of the schedule fell on his watch.
Johnson had much less to do with the Vikings turnaround then did a favorable schedule and an improved defense.
But the fans didn't see it that way. They filled call-in shows with pleas to dump Daunte and committ to BJ.
And Daunte heard them.
This week Daunte's camp reportedly asked for a raise, which, of course, makes no sense with Culpepper coming off his worst year and worst injury.
He knows it makes no sense, that's why he asked.
Because he wants out.
And he hopes this'll force the team's hand, because he knows he's never getting a raise.
He has given up on trying to make the Vikings his team.
For as much as the Vikings have tried to annoint Daunte as their leader, he is clearly incapable of such.
He's a baby.
Instead of manning up to his own poor choices in the love-boat incident (regardless of how guilty he actually is),he has chosen to blame the Star Tribune.
Instead of saying, 'Hey I had a bad year. My bad.', he's asked for more money.
Instead of meeting his new coach face to face(a coach who, as far as I can tell, was only hired for Daunte's benefit, because of his work with Donovan McNabb, a QB with similar skills), he took 10 minutes to call him on his cell phone.
Instead of honoring Mike Tice's request to try to spark the team by speaking to them prior to a game late in the season, he refused.
Some leader.
As I mentioned, fans in this area have never given Daunte a fair shake, and in that regard I definitely feel for him. But he's a pro. A handsomely paid one at that.
His job is not to make people love him. His job is to win. To be a leader.
And he has failed.
Having said that, he's got no leverage here. (Nor does BJ, who has 3 years left on his deal.)
If I thought the Vikings could get a 1st round pick for him, I'd favor trading Daunte tomorrow. They'd then have 2 1st rounders, one of which they could trade to San Diego for Phillip Rivers. Then let him and BJ battle it out.
But due to the injury, the sex-scandal and his recent pouting, teams looking to acquire Daunte won't dream of offering anything good for him.
So I don't know exactly where that leaves the Vikes.
My guess is Daunte will realize he's backed himself into a corner and come back with his tail between his legs.
And while I don't really support the hiring of Brad Childress, I have a pretty good feeling he's the right guy to get Daunte back to the player he was under Scott Linehan.
Let's just hope Daunte was watching those games with BJ at the helm.
See what happens when you just take the sack Daunte? Interceptions are bad.

The All Unemployed Team

Courtesy of ESPN's Jayson Stark.
1B -- Tino Martinez
2B -- Bo Hart
SS -- Dueling Alex Gonzalezes
3B -- Russell Branyan
LF -- Ruben Sierra
CF -- Alex Sanchez
RF -- Sammy Sosa
C -- Bengie Molina
DH -- Frank Thomas

Starting Rotation -- Roger Clemens, Jeff Weaver, Josh Fogg, Ismael Valdez, Wade Miller.

Bullpen -- Ugueth Urbina, Antonio Alfonseca, Rick White, Paul Quantrill, Buddy Groom.

Bats off the bench -- Richard Hidalgo, Matt LeCroy, Erubiel Durazo, Scott Hatteberg, Daryle Ward, B.J. Surhoff.

Utility brigade -- Royce Clayton, Jose Hernandez, Rey Sanchez, Jeff DaVanon, Ramon Martinez, Willie Harris, Denny Hocking.

Future Hall of Famer -- Mike Piazza

Available for one at-bat (pick your spot) -- Juan Gonzalez

Congressional witness -- Rafael Palmeiro

Humor aside, there are at the very least a half dozen names on this list that could help the Twins tremendously in 2006.

The Bears - No Playoffs For You

When Ditka was coach and McMahon was under center, the Bears were a great team.
A manly team that won the big game.
A team you respected.
However in light of yet another season in which the Bears used great defense, an easy schedule and a lot of luck to win the NFC North, only to go 1 and done in the playoffs (just like everyone knew they would) I say it's time Paul Tagliabue did the right thing and banned the Chicago Bears from NFL Playoff eligibility.
No matter what happens in the regular season, no matter their record, they can't go.
Too many times they've wasted a spot in the tournament that would have been better suited for a team that actually has a chance to win a game in the playoffs.
This year, for example, the Chargers, Chiefs, Cowboys, Dolphins, Falcons and Vikings all would have given a better post-season showing.
So next year if they go 13-3 you just say, "Nice going guys, see ya next September" and let in some 7-9 team that scored more than 8 points a game and doesn't have a couple of stiffs at QB.
Don't get me wrong, if the Bears actually develop an offense, or at least something that would lead any sane person to believe they had more than a 10% chance to win in January, they can petition to the commisioner for re-instatement, a la Pete Rose.
And, as with Rose, they should then be denied.

On hamster face, boner-nose and the Bush administration

I'm not going to bore anyone with political stuff here, but one thing you can't deny about George W. is his willingness to hand out jobs on his staff to people with whom he has a past personal connection to.
I'm sure in some cases this has worked out fine, but I don't think I need to mention the cases in which it has not.
Which leads me to Brad Childress (or hamster face, as I will call him in reference to the gigantic thing on his upper lip, which goes so well with his shiny bald dome) - new coach of the Vikings.
Apparently hamster face's idea of assembling a credible staff is hiring everyone he worked with at Wisconsin and Northern Arizona. He has so far engaged in little more than croneyism when it comes to the hiring of his assistant coaches.
I'll give them a chance, I guess, but doesn't anyone else think that's a lazy and potentially dangerous way of doing things?
Say what you want about Mike Tice, but his top assistants (Linehan, Cottrell and special teams coach Rusty Tillman) were guys who Tice had never worked with previously. He didnt hire them because they were his buddies, he hired them because he thought they were the best guys for the job. In fact, Tice deserves full credit for 'discovering' Linehan, who was an assistant at Louisville when Tice decided to give him a chance. Now Linehan appears to be headed towards a head coaching job of his own.
Hamster face's excuse has been that everyone will agree on the system, things will run smoothly and everyone will be on the same page, etc., etc., but that smells like a load of crap to me.
There are a lot of people out there who think highly of hamster face, but I don't see any reason to be excited about him. As Philly's OC, he didn't call the plays (Andy Reid did) and the Eagles offense was only good once (when some T.O. fella was catching passes).
Owner Zygi Wilf (or boner-nose, as I will call him for obvious reasons) doesn't know a thing about football, so I will absolutely not give him the benefit of the doubt for his first hiring.
"(Hamster face) is a winner," is what Boner-Nose said at the press conference announcing the hiring. Based on what? is my question.
Like I said, I'll give him a chance, and I hope he does well. He's inherting an already pretty good team. But let's not start trusting this guy to do anything other than house tiny insects in his face.

Koskie Redux?

Though they initially denied any interest, the Twins are in fact, discussing a deal for a 3B with Toronto.
While I'd rather have Shea HIllenbrand, the deal is centering around Corey Koskie, with the Jays offering to pick up a very large chunk of salary.
It sounds like the Twins want to do the deal, but they may have to trade Kyle Lohse to clear up the payroll space.
I'm cautiously optimistic, as Koskie is better than Batista overall, but Batista's power is intriguing.
I hope that if they do get Koskie that they don't release Batista. Especially since you know Koskie won't stay healthy all year.

*Vikings update: Coaches that would not be a step forward after firing Tice - Jim Fassell, Wade Phillips, Dan Reeves, Ted Cottrell, Al Saunders, Brad Childress, Mike Singletary.
Coaches who I'd be excited about: Jim Schwartz, Ron Rivera, Jim Haslett, Steve Mariucci, Tim Lewis, Maurice Carthon.
Best guess? They hire Childress - an Andy Reid disciple.